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Music Reviews: Transcending Bizarre? and Preschool Tea Party Massacre

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Today’s review is a very special one, as it is marks the beginning of my time on Blogcritics Magazine, which was so gracious as to accept my application. Therefore, I thought it fitting to summarize what I do best, criticizing heavy metal bands (underground ones, mostly). To best showcase what I am, I felt that I should today review two underground bands.

The first is one of the best bands I have ever heard, period. The second (in contrast) is a band that is just pure filth and has nothing to offer except migraines and thoughts of how your time could be better spent doing practically anything else. These bands are Transcending Bizarre? (yes, the question mark is part of their name) and Preschool Tea Party Massacre. Fun name, right?

Transcending Bizarre?

This is one of the most intriguing and ingenious bands I have ever come across. I have still not yet figured out why they are so unrecognized; I listened to all three of their albums and had trouble finding a single flaw. So why are they so underground? I don’t know, but I guess they just don’t publicize well. Their talent certainly exceeds many much more successful bands.

Anyway, as I said earlier, they have three albums out, and in what I believe to be a very daring move on their part, all three of them are different. First of all, let me explain this band as best I can. They are a very, very odd mix of black/extreme/avant-garde metal if it was all thrown together in a blender. This is done about as masterfully as can be; all of the band’s songs are completely weird without being so bizarre that the listener can’t enjoy the song. Confusing, I know, but this band is really hard to just write about. They need to be heard to be truly appreciated.

Each album takes the same formula but throws something different and kooky into the mix. The first album, The Four Scissors, sounds like it could be a soundtrack to an eccentric horror movie with ambient noises and crazy sounds playing throughout. The second, The Serpents Manifolds, sounds like a sci-fi-film soundtrack with lots of ‘cosmic’ sounds and occasionally choirs to add to the whole thing. Their newest album, The Misanthropes’ Fable, is like a circus-themed album, with carnival music and a children’s choir playing throughout. The last album is one of my favorite metal albums ever, and every metal fan should give it at least one listen.

But that’s not all this band has running for it. Production quality is amazingly clear for such an underground release. The guitarist is capable not only of playing catchy riffs but also of shredding the instrument during his occasional awesome guitar solo, and the vocalist uses so many different voices throughout all of the albums it’s hard to believe there’s only one guy doing it all (well, the keyboardist does some backup voices but from what I’ve read it doesn’t sound like he does very many). Some of his voices include death metal growls, operatic vocals, creepy whispers and a bunch of various mixes of these styles; he is truly one of the most versatile metal vocalists I’ve heard. Seems that avant-garde metal bands always have good vocalists.

In conclusion, this band is amazing and you should check them out. With their variety, creativity and versatility, I’m surprised they have not become one of the leaders of the avant-garde metal scene. They easily could be if they were just publicized a little better.

Preschool Tea Party Massacre

So before I say anything else, I will let you know that this band is one of those retarded projects where a bunch of high schoolers just gather in a friend’s garage and slam on instruments with no interest in being serious. At least that’s what I assume, because I have no idea how any band with a name like this could be serious!

So as far as I am aware, they have one album (and may have released a second but it might be just a rumor, they’re so underground it’s hard to tell). This one is called Hardcore Died With Hitler. Truer words have never been spoken.

So this band has around eight members (I’m not completely sure as no site offers very solid information), and most of them do nothing but make obnoxious noises into the microphone; I guess they couldn’t get their hands on one good (I use that term very loosely) vocalist and had to settle for five crappy ones. The other musicians do nothing original either, mostly resorting to the ‘chugging’ guitar method that most deathcore bands rely on to ensure that they are as br00tal as possible (yes, that is a real term, Google it on Urban Dictionary). As a result, every song sounds the same, which seems to be a common theme with most deathcore bands. But just wait, this gets a lot worse.

All of the vocalists sound terrible (and it’s pretty obvious they haven’t been doing this for any length of time). The production quality sounds like the album was recorded with a poor man’s version of GarageBand. And the songs … well, let me just say that all of the titles (and I assume the lyrics, as I cannot decipher a single word from any of the songs) are completely juvenile and mostly rely on profanity and innuendo in their attempt to be ‘amusing’. Well let me just tell you something right now, I’m not amused at all, I’m ashamed that humanity could stoop to such a mind-boggling low and not only produce scum like this but unleash it onto an unsuspecting world. Stay far, far away from this miserable piece of filth!

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  • Jason Slaon

    My opinion is polar opposite of yours. I find TB? to be pretentious & pompous sounding. They try so hard to be artistic, it just ends up like a jumble of half baked ideas. whereas PTPM, is a fun listen. sure it’s simplistic & noisy & not at all original, but they are honest about it & seem to actually enjoy it.

  • Jordan Richardson

    I think you should have mentioned that the Preschool Tea Party Massacre’s newest album is called Anne Frank’s Vagina (this is according to their MySpace page). It bolsters your case about these talentless morons.

    Welcome aboard, by the way. Look forward to reading more.