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Music Review: Lou Reed and Metallica – Lulu

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This is possibly the greatest album of all time! And it will go down in history! However I use the term “possibly” as loosely as the men use Lulu in this crappy “metal/rock opera.” And as for it going down in history, I have no doubt of that.  It will go down in history as the worst album I have ever heard. However possibly this album truly is great and us mere mortals simply cannot comprehend it, as Lou Reed and Metallica could have been elevated to a state of consciousness higher than our own and so they created music such brilliance, we simply cannot understand it.

Once again I say possibly.

It is very possible that this review makes no sense, as I am listening to Lulu as I write this and so I can feel brain cells corroding away. I genuinely have a head ache and I want to inflict pain upon myself as a result.

Both Metallica and Reed have great musical careers and I feel as if they have been completely destroyed in this 80 minute epic (piece of SHIT!).

Oh, now I feel the rest of my body going with my mind…

Lulu is comprised of poetry based on plays by German playwright Frank Wedekind, in a spoken word fashion. Reed was by far the worst choice for this part, as his voice sounds awful and he cannot keep rhythm or pitch. On top of that, the backing vocals provided by Metallica’s James Hetfield are not only terribly sung, but also embarrassing. For example in the second track, “The View,” Hetfield yells nonsense nearing the end of the song like, “I am the View! I am the Table!” I would love to know what they were thinking, along with track six, “Cheat on Me,” where Hetfield’s backing vocals are completely off pitch.

The guitar riffs and solos are messy and not very well thought out. There are no epic Metallica riffs in this album at all. There are no “face melting” guitar solos anywhere to be heard, and no musical merit whatsoever.

It has been said that this album is experimental, so I feel it is safe to say that this album was a failure and nothing of this sort should ever be tried again.  This album exceeds the comically bad and enters the tragic. It is worse than Metallica’s Saint Anger by miles, and that is coming from someone who used it as a frisbee.

It pains me to say that I cannot find ANYTHING nice to say about Lulu and so this piece has fallen rather short. So in conclusion I say:


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About Xtian Zzyzx

  • moni

    …The cover is cool? 😛

  • Xtian Zzyzx

    The album HURTS to listen to. But give it a listen just for giggles :)

  • jon-luc

    what about the drumming, even the drumming was bad.

  • Xtian Zzyzx

    So they were, but the rest of the album kinda overshadows the drumming in badness. But yes they were bad thanks for making that point. (However they weren’t as bad as in St. Anger.)

  • El Bicho

    what nonsense. their careers aren’t destroyed because you and a lot of others don’t like the album.

  • Steve

    This is a combination that should have never been imagined, sought, created or recorded.

  • Xtian Zzyzx

    @El Bicho, you are right. Their careers aren’t destroyed. But I am worried that if they continue down this path, they will be. And I completely agree @Steve

  • Austin Wilburn

    Lol, this would be an example of two great artists that like each other but are incapable of working together, despite how much they want to.

  • Xtian Zzyzx

    @Austin Wilburn That’s exactly it! I love both The Velvet Underground and Metallica, but they just don’t work together well.