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Ms. Alaska

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Add this piece to the ravenous media fawn that it is itself decrying, that would be the obsessive and at times goofy media attention the former Governor from Alaska has racked up in the last two years—especially in the months since Sarah Palin, in fact, early-departed the very gubernatorial position that led to her assault on our collective psyche.

Other than the daily Palin onslaught what, you might ask, is prompting such a bah-humbug lament, especially at a time of the year when we should focus on kindly old men with gifts (see: John McCain)?

Just this: a whimsical Google search — or ping, in current parlance — of various terms as they pertain to Sarah Palin, during which I discovered that no politician save President Obama, and not many celebrities (thank you, Justin Bieber, which I can’t believe I’m saying) outranked the Alaskan assault rifle. Not surprising, perhaps, but really, Sarah Palin’s Alaska??

The latest of these inanities has Ms. Palin taking on the First Lady for supposedly dictating to Americans what we should and should not eat — desserts falling into the latter category.

Only Sarah Palin could reduce a childhood anti-obesity campaign to an infantile suggestion that we eat all the s’mores and cookies and sweets we can wrap our independent, free, and over-governed teeth around. It’s useful, I suppose, to know that the former Governor, who hands out cookies while expressing her view, knows her way around a kitchen.

But really, other than aiming for the low fruit of another kooky comment, what is behind this fixation? What makes Palin so worth the coverage? Probably, it’s that she is the political equivalent of Ms. South Carolina or, recently, Ms. California—two pretty women who infamously miscued on “serious” questions about politics and culture. The two beauty queens, though, went quickly away, their moments having passed fleetingly.

But Ms. Palin is the train wreck that keeps on crashing, over and over. We can’t watch or look away while Ms. Palin manages her own personal tea party, and nothing is being tossed overboard this time — except common sense and intelligence. We worship or fear or condescend to Palin, and the political Ms. Alaska continues taking questions and vying for the crown — and in the meantime the bank is always open.

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  • Ruvy

    What has that got to do with you and a bunch of other deluded idiots mistaking a plane for a missile?

    It has to do with your normalcy bias – your inability to believe something might threaten you – instead of a laboured bullshit argument that proved nothing. It wasn’t idiots, DD, who identified this as a Chinese missile. It was a whole pack of retired military. The fact that they were retired is important. THE PENTAGON WASN’T PAYING THEM TO SHUT UP, as it did active duty personnel on the payroll.

  • Dr Dreadful

    That “normalcy bias” gets in your way terribly.

    And what’s the “normalcy bias” here, Ruve? I should conclude from the photographs of identical contrails taken over Los Angeles on the evenings following this non-incident that the Chinese Navy has set up a missile test-firing range in the eastern Pacific?

  • Dr Dreadful

    It wasn’t idiots, DD, who identified this as a Chinese missile. It was a whole pack of retired military.

    Just because General Batwing says it’s a missile doesn’t make it one.

    But you just keep those appeals to authority and all those other informal fallacies coming, Ruvy.

  • Dr Dreadful

    And while you’re about it, you might care to explain how your missile, which as I recall was launched from somewhere in the South Pacific between Peru and French Polynesia, was seen in the Northern Pacific… coming out of the west.

  • Jordan Richardson

    That is one magic missile.

  • Hillbilly heaven

    Crocodile walks into an outback pub and orders a beer.

    Barman says: “Why the long face, mate?”

    True story trust me.

  • STM

    Doc: “The British Empire did not fall, like a tree: it eroded, like a mountain.”

    No, Doc, if freedom and democracy is a flower, it grew into something special, then blossomed like a garden …

    A crumbling mountain? Hardly. Take a look at the modern world and see the evidence.

  • Hillbilly heaven

    Irv: “So again, I must ask why is it so fucking lame?”

    Come on, Irv … you can work it out.

  • Irvin F. Cohen

    No I fucking can’t.

    By the way, I wish you would stop using such fucking vulgarity lest you be sin-binned by the fucking KGB and Gestapo agents of fucking bland and insipid and banal censorship. Hannah Arendt called it the “banality of evil” – well actually that’s a stretch but sounded good. The motherfuckers wouldn’t dare shit-can and or wipe out dear ‘ol Hannah, or would they?

    Changed my mind, cuss all you fucking want to – cause as long as they don’t censor me it’s OK.i

  • Dr Dreadful

    Stan, I don’t think my metaphor is too far off.

    The Appalachians used to be a mountain range as high as the Himalayas.

    Now (I’ve heard – though I’ve yet to go there) it’s a fraction of its former height, but one of the most beautiful places on Earth.

  • zingzing

    stan, you might want to look at the modern world again. and please don’t blame it all on the british. that would be rather cruel.

  • FifthBusiness

    What defines this string is the hysteria of conservatives. The article only said that Palin is pretty and vacant–or, if you will, pretty vacant. Is anyone claiming she’s Rhodes Scholar material? There, I didn’t think so.

    Irv: reading you is tiresome.You are as logorrheic as you are misinformed.

  • Irvin F. Cohen

    Dear comrade Fifth Business,

    You are as misinformed as you are mindlessly laconic and I surmise both are Himalayan in scope.

    Oh by the way, comrade Fifth Columnist, the word “tiresome” I suppose is more than adequate, but you might want to explore the word “irksome” while you’re at it.

    In fact I take it as a badge of honor that I so thoroughly annoy and irritate and possibly torment and vex such [Personal attack deleted by Comments Editor] as yourself. I only hope that when you read this little missive of mine, you will be utterly annoyed and exasperated, infuriated and maddened because then I shall know that I have done my job and done it well.

    But as is so wont and typical of your ilk, I expect you to reply to me with ad hominem attack and name-calling insults such as the adjective “logorrheic” – but again that is only to be expected and de rigueur of your sort.

    But then again you could possibly resort to your time-worn, leftist dribble and warmed over Marxist spittle, in which your ilk so mindlessly cites and regurgitates your propaganda and talking points and spin as facts and the godawful truth.

    So go ahead, make my day…I dare you…nay, I double dare you…prove how right I am. Tiresome? Tiresome? How deliciously ironic, for it is thee who is so fucking tiresome and so fucking lame in the fucking brain. And I? I am simply sui genneris, which means to say pompous, overbearing, pedantic, pretentious, irksome and tiresome, verbose and vexing and irritating ad nauseam, ad infinitum.

    [Personal attack deleted by Comments Editor]

  • FifthBusiness

    How dare you! My Marxist spittle is not warmed over! You… you… you beast you!

  • Irvin F. Cohen

    Dear Comrade Fifth Columnist,

    Me again.

    As for “Rhodes Scholars,” I know something thereof, therein you so condescendingly and pretentiously speak.

    I personally over thirty years ago had a rather slim chance at a Rhodes Scholarship but ignobly and cowardly forewent the effort. In my current abuse of hindsight, I was rather pessimistic and fatalistic about my chances but suffice it to say that in hindsight my chances were much better and more viable than I credited myself at that point in time.

    Nevertheless I still doubt I would have been awarded one. Perhaps it would have been closer than I again credited myself, but also again, in the final analysis, it would have been close or closer but definitely “no cigar.”

    Which brings me to your “Rhodes Scholar material” (actually it should read “Scholarship” and not “Scholar” here), my response to you is rather plain and simple, direct and straightforward:


    We have evidence of one Rhodes Scholar who was elected president and was somewhat successful. In fact one could reasonably argue that he was one of the best Republican presidents we’ve had in the past fifty-plus years.

    But he was and still is a moral and ethical scumbag, lowlife opportunist, slime dog, good ‘ol boy, piece of trailer-park white-trash. Look here, you can take the good ‘ol boy out of the trailer park, but evidently you can’t take the good ‘ol boy, white trash out of the good ‘ol boy. No matter how many fucking degrees he has from no matter how many prestigious institutions of higher learning he also possesses.

    That sort of twisted, malevolent, deceitful, cunning, clever, amoral and sophistic, opportunistic intellect and persona is no guarantee of anything – of anything good or moral or even effective. Yes, he was and still is disarmingly charming, but so was Alcibiades.

    You and your ilk’s bias and preference toward a more professorial and academic, so-called, supposed pragmatist and instrumentalist mindset, I maintain, is more dangerous and harmful and destructive than it is beneficial and or efficacious. Our current true-believer, Marxist ideological, shrewd and clever acrocephalac/oxycephalac, numb-nuts, idiot president clearly proves this proposition – in spades.

    I, as William F. Buckley once opined, I would rather choose our political leaders at random from a phone book; than from the faculty index of Harvard University. As I see it, the choice of the Harvard faculty listing is between the utter folly and fecklessness of “Cloud Cuckoo-land” or the Red Queen at the Madhatter’s Tea Party; and that of the truly sinister and evil machinations of left-wing, Marxist Machiavellians. The choice is rather simple and straightforward; you can choose a shit-load of fools and clowns, of Thersites; or you can choose a cabal of truly evil, leftwing, Marxist Iagos.

    At least the virtue of common and ordinary men and women is that they: one, happily possess common sense and a visceral understanding of right and wrong, good and evil, and that which is moral and that which is immoral, and why they ought, should and must make those distinctions, and therefore can consequently rise to the task; and two, they are unburdened by the crippling and paralyzing affects of academic folly with its utter, Himalayan mountains of intellectual masturbation and refried-shit-for-brains. (Sort of like the general pseudo-intelectual, leftist and Marxist commentary and mindless, brainless, hypocritical, double-standard censorship here at Blog-o-critter-o-land-world.)

    Let us have “doers” for our political leaders, yes, preferably somewhat thoughtful and rational, sane and reasonable, but nevertheless, still “doers;” and not sinister, destructive and deleterious, feckless intellectuals of an overly academic strain and mindset.

  • STM

    Zing, take a look at all the places that are good. Many of them have one thing in common. English as a first language (or as a de facto national language), or parliamentary democracy (or a form thereof).

    Like I say, the evidence is there. Being blind to that doesn’t mean it isn’t good evidence.

  • Irvin F. Cohen


    Are you certain that your “Marxist spittle” is not warmed over?

    Because if it’s not, that means it’s cool or cold. Which presupposes the question, do you have a pulse and is your blood warm? Or do you flit about at night and sleep during the day so that you won’t shrivel up and die due to the effects of sunlight upon you? And are you repelled by garlic and repulsed by the sign of the Christian cross? And can you only be killed with a silver bullet and a wooden stake driven through your heart?

    Well, if the answer to any of these queries of mine is yes, then it is rather obvious and patently self-evident that you truly are a Marxist scumbag!

  • Hillbilly heaven

    Ahs a roads scholar.

    Ahs allus studyin em.

    You can git yersel some naaahce fresh meat off the sides a them roads.

    Good too if yer leave it a whaaale. Week or so’s about right.

    Possum needs to be aged slightly before ya eats it.

  • Irvin F. Cohen

    Dear Hillybilly Devil,

    I’m sure you’re a rodes skoller, and of course, a Ph.D. from Cambridge or Oxford or both, in Classical Greek, Philology as well as an expert in Medieval, Wanton Obscurantism to boot.

    However I regret to inform you that possum tastes and smells worse than death and that most roades skolliars eschew its meat assiduously.

    However I suppose if you’re really, really hungry you’ll just simply have to pinch your nose and close your eyes. But before you eat it, I suggest you pound it vigorously for a long period of time, then mount it. [Gratuitous vulgarity deleted by Comments Editor] If you’re lucky, that should remove the gaminess from it.

    Unfortunately however, that won’t remove its overpowering foul odor and stench of death [Gratuitous vulgarity deleted by Comments Editor].

    At any rate, bon apétit e mangia bene!

  • zingzing

    stm: “Many of them have one thing in common.”

    a lot of them also kicked the english out. a lot of them feature bugs bunny cartoons on saturday morning television. and a lot of places that are well-off don’t have english as their official language.

    but i think you missed my point.