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Movies With Lazy Titles

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Here’s the question on everyone’s minds: Is it the fact that there are actual snakes on a plane that entices us so much, or is it that the movie had the balls to actually call itself Snakes on a Plane?

I side with the latter. The title is so simple, so beautiful, so… lazy. That's the real genius of the film; the title is perfect because it’s so incredibly and blatantly lazy. And yet, people love it. It got me thinking, are films titles overthinking themselves? Are titles like A Prairie Home Companion and The Hills Have Eyes too verbose and complex? Would audiences like them better if they were called Boring Country Radio Show and Mutant Cannibals in the Desert, respectively?

[ADBLOCKHERE]It’s entirely possible in a culture that’s bursting at the seams with entertainment (hundreds of cable channels, boatloads of Direct-to-DVD’s movies, thousands of songs, and an overload of video games, cell phone ring tones, and other useless distractions) the best possible way to get your product to the masses is to be as simple as humanly possible.

So in that spirit I tried to deduce what some other film’s would be called if they were as lazy (and brilliant) as Snakes on a Plane. Maybe they don’t prove that simplicity or title exposition is the way to go, but it does prove one thing: Big Momma’s House 2 was a crappy, crappy movie. I think we can all get behind that.

Superman Returns – Dude in a Cape

Crash – A Bunch of Racists in Cars

Leaving Las Vegas – Getting Drunk in Vegas

Ocean’s Eleven – Stealing Stuff in Style

Doom – Video Games at the Movies

Cars – Cars

War of the Worlds – Aliens in New Jersey

Kill Bill – Hot Chicks With Swords

Underworld: Evolution – Hot Vampires in Black Leather

Ultraviolet – Hot Vampires in Red Leather

Eight Below – Cute Dogs on a Mountain

Basic Instinct – Hot Chick with an Ice Pick

Basic Instinct 2 – Sharon Stone Needs Money

King Kong – Gorilla in the NYC

Flightplan – Crazy Mom on a Plane

Batman Begins – Hot Guy in Black Rubber

Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Family Reunion – Black Guy in Drag

Longest Yard – Football in a Prison

Pulp Fiction – Gangsters Witness what May or May Not be a Miracle Give Money to Robbers in a Diner then Take Out Their Mob Boss's Drugged Out Wife and Hunt Down the Boxer that Screwed over the Mob Boss Only to Have the Mob Boss Find Him, Get Butt Raped by Some Redneck and Let the Boxer Go When He Saves the Mob Boss

Big Momma’s House 2 – Another Black Guy in Drag

She’s the Man – Hot Girl in Drag

Saw II – Dead People in a Room

Poseidon – N/A (Who cares? Nobody went and saw it, anyway.)

Brokeback Mountain – Anal Sex on a Mountain

Shawshank Redemption – Two Dudes in a Prison

Office Space – Dude in a Cubicle

The Day After Tomorrow – Bad Weather in America

The Skeleton Key – Blondes on the Bayou

Notting Hill – Loser Nails a Movie Star

American Pie – Dude Screws a Pastry

Deep Blue Sea – Sharks in a Tank

Swingers – Broke Actors Hooking Up

Sideways – Two Guys on a Bender

Passion of the Christ – Dude on a Cross

Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid – Snakes in the Jungle

The Terminal – Guy in an Airport

Jurassic Park – Dinosaurs on an Island

Arachnophobia – Spiders in a House

Mission: Impossible 2 – Guys Pulling off Fake Masks

Rocky IV – Boxer Ends Cold War

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About The Jay

  • Baronius

    “Snakes on a Plane” could be one of the most brilliant movies of all time, if its creators had the guts to make a suspenseful disaster/horror airplane movie with NO SNAKES.

    “Pulp Fiction” *is* the lazy title for “Pulp Fiction”.

    “Hot Girl in Drag” and “Loser Nails a Movie Star” would have been more successful.

  • duane

    Apocalypse Now — Crazy Bald Guy in a Jungle
    Close Encounters of the Third Kind — Mashed Potato Mountain
    Fargo — ummm … Fargo
    Million Dollar Baby — Chicks Boxing
    The Day the Earth Stood Still — Those Darned Humans
    Scarface — Thugs Using Drugs and Murdering Other Thugs
    Blade Runner — Rutger Hauer Beats the Crap Outta Harrison Ford
    The Sixth Sense — Kid Who Sees Ghosts
    The Shining — Kid Who Sees Ghosts in a Hotel
    The Other — Kid Who Sees His Dead Twin
    Michael — An Angel Who Wants to Score
    Independence Day — A Crappy Movie about Stupid Aliens
    War of the Worlds — A Not-As-Crappy Movie about Stupid Aliens
    Titanic — Rich People Suck

  • http://www.futonreport.net/ Matthew T. Sussman

    Excellent delivery on this. I actually had this idea a few weeks ago but couldn’t come close to executing it.

    By the way these were my two:

    • Poseidon: Water on a Boat
    • Da Vinci Code: Jesus on a Painting

  • Ty

    Cars should be called “GIT-R-DONE”

    God damn I can’t stand rednecks and especially Larry the Cable Guy.

  • http://victorplenty.blogspot.com Victor Plenty

    Brilliant concept! My entries:

    Deliverance: Doomed Dudes in Canoes

    Citizen Kane: Rich Dude Dies Alone

    Casablanca: Why We Fight

    Gone With the Wind: War Irks Hot Chick

    Saving Private Ryan: After Much Ado, Attentive Blonde Granddaughters Prove WW2 Veteran’s Worthiness

  • duane

    “Irks.” Haha. Love it.

  • IgnatiusReilly

    “the acclaimed internet humor site”

    acclaimed by who?

  • http://victorplenty.blogspot.com Victor Plenty

    Acclaimed by those who know what they are talking about.

  • http://www.thejay.com The Jay

    Thank you for the defense, Victor Plenty. By “acclaimed”, I mean that the site has won awards for its design and its content. Also, people tell me they like it, so you, they acclaim it, too.

    Read through my archives, maybe you’ll acclaim it as well.

    – The Jay

  • http://victorplenty.blogspot.com Victor Plenty

    No problem! Besides, the proper form for IgnatiusReilly’s question was “acclaimed by whom?” and that sort of thing really irks me.

  • IgnatiusReilly

    Didn’t mean to put anyone on the defense. Just responding to your bio. After going to your site and seeing who the “acclaim” was from, I can see why you didn’t name them.

  • Dynamo of Eternia

    The Breakfast Club – Whiney Kids in Detention

    Uncle Buck – John Candy Makes Big Pancakes

    The Wizard – Big Super Mario Brothers 3 Commercial

  • http://www.modernguy.net Neil Miller

    I absolutely love how “on purpose” the Snakes on a Plane name is. Fantastic marketing!

    Anyway, here are a few added “simple names” for some upcoming flicks:

    Nacho Libre: Priest in a Goofy Outfit

    Click: Dude with a Remote Control

    Waist Deep: Rapper in a Crappy Movie

    Pulse: Ghosts with an IP Address

    Lady in the Water: Chick in a Swimming Pool

    Those are a few that I have to offer. They are dumb, I know. But isn’t that the point?

    Cheers.

  • http://victorplenty.blogspot.com Victor Plenty

    Here’s more:

    Highlander: Dudes Fighting With Swords

    Braveheart: Dudes Fighting With Really Big Swords

    Troy: Ambiguously Gay Dudes Fighting With Short Swords

    The Lord of the Rings: Short, Ambiguously Gay Dudes Fighting With Short, Ambiguously Gay Swords (And Also Some Rings)

    Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: Hot Chicks Fighting With Swords

  • duane

    Some more awful contributions:

    Groundhog Day — Don’t You Wish Andie MacDowell Was Your Girlfriend?
    Goodfellas — Pretending That Joe Pesci is a Badass
    Schindler’s List — This Guy Named Schindler Makes a List
    Sling Blade — Split Open Heads With French Fried Taters on the Side
    My Cousin Vinny — Don’t You Wish Marisa Tomei Was Your Girlfriend?
    American Beauty — Americans are Ugly

  • duane

    Victor’s sword theme looks like the winner so far. Damn you, Victor! It’s all in the name, I guess.

  • http://www.futonreport.net/ Matthew T. Sussman

    The Jerk: Snails On Her Plate

    (“You can’t even see the food!”)

  • Baronius

    The Mummy – The Mummy

    The Mummy Returns – The Mummy

    The Scorpion King – The Mummy, Without the Mummy

    Underworld – Kate Beckinsale in Leather Pants

    Underworld Evolution – Kate Beckinsale in Leather Pants

    Van Helsing – The Mummy, Without the Mummy, With Kate Beckinsale in Leather Pants

  • http://victorplenty.blogspot.com Victor Plenty

    Y’know, this article should’ve been called “Lazy Title on a Movie” so as to benefit from the nearly supernatural humor powers of parallel construction.