The Morgue is a silly horror film rated R for violence and for the gratuitous and severe overuse of the worst word that you can use. Lisa Crilley stars as our illustrious and somewhat dimly-lit morgue worker/college student, Margo Dey. How long has she worked there? I wonder to myself, as she hasn't noticed what a bad place this seems to be.
She is joined by equally dim co-stars Taylor Lipman as Jill, Bill Cobbs as George,
Chris Devlin as Peter, Heather Donahue as Nan, Googy Gress as Detective Chet White, Brady Matthews as Detective Philip Drake, Fred Ochs as Chief Will Malone, Brandon Quin as Jacob, Michael Raye as Horace Sparks, Sammy Sheik as Samim and Chris Torres as the Dark Figure (the human monster).
Our pointless journey begins on a typical work day for Margo who is listening to music on ear buds and buzzing around the morgue, cleaning the joint. She is rudely interrupted by Nan, Peter, and daughter Jill as they have run out of gas on the way to a family reunion and are looking to get back on the road. Nan has no idea how dangerous (not to mention GROSS) it is to touch the blood of other people, as she runs her hand up a wall with blood smears. Hello. Can anyone say, "Blood borne pathogens?"
Margo stops working to entertain this late night traveling family of plugs and time thieves. I would have been more entertained if their dog Puddles could have joined them. Or, maybe I wouldn't have. There was probably not a dog around who was dumb enough to appear in this stinker.
Janitor George is impervious to all of this, absorbed by a sandwich, and a bottle of hooch. Even when he's not at his desk, he still manages to walk away from those asking for help. Wow. What a great person and employee.
The Dark Figure manifests in the john while the first group of people are present, running poor Margo from the restroom, to the phone, to the mall. Okay, no one goes to the mall. Two more people enter the morgue, one of whom appears to be close to death. The plot thickens? No. Not at all. Not one bit.
Nan is the first to be offed which causes quiet the stir amongst those remaining. I would have offed the kid first, just to be dramatic.
Long story short. I know, too late.
Long story short, those remaining are torn between staying at the morgue and leaving the morgue for help. Not one of these people owns a cell phone, it appears and even if they did it wouldn't work at this physical location. That's what I want, to work at a morgue where my cell phone doesn't work.
Finally, the movie ended. Thank you, God!