I hate it when some films are just so deplorable they don’t even necessarily deserve a review. Now let me just say this up front, in no way do I hate the chick flick genre as most would assume. I mostly just hate what it has become. Every film is exactly the same and in some ways that’s completely acceptable. What’s never acceptable is a film trying to be a warm and fuzzy feel good romp filled to the brim with absolutely loathsome, despicable, scandalous characters that we’re expected to “sympathize” with. Falling directly off the tree that was her last failed romcom – Bride Wars – comes Kate Hudson yet again in Something Borrowed.
Director Luke Greenfield should be absolutely ashamed of himself for having directed such a reprehensible piece of garbage. Screenwriter Jennie Snyder could also be to blame but surely all of this is a direct result of the source material, Emily Griffin’s novel of the same name. Why anyone would want to spend any amount of time with the trio of so-called friends gathered in this one film is beyond me. Detestable is another word I failed to mention in the first paragraph so I’m throwing it in as well. After bringing the surprise heart and hilarity that abounded throughout The Girl Next Door hopes were pretty high for Greenfield’s next project but now he’s somehow managed to make a film that’s even harder to sit through than his debut film, Rob Schneider’s The Animal. Yup, it’s seriously that bad.
Something Borrowed begins with a not-so-surprise party for Rachel (Ginnifer Goodwin) by her since-childhood BFF Darcy (Hudson). Darcy makes a drunken speech/presentation stealing the spotlight from Rachel so she can make sure that Rachel, and anyone unfortunate enough to have bought a ticket, knows just how much she loves her dearest friend. This is also to inform her fiancée Dex (Colin Egglesfield) that her first love will always be Rachel.
After Dex and Darcy head home after the party, Dex returns to look for Darcy’s $2000 purse that she’s left behind. Dex offers to take Rachel out for an after-party at their favorite bar hangout where she admits to having a crush on him all throughout their years together in law school. Awkwardness abounds until Dex makes his move in the back of their shared cab and just wouldn’t you know it, he feels the same way and they both wake up next to each other after a night of dot dot dot. It’s here we are subjected to more awkward flashbacks involving where Rachel and Dex went wrong because neither of them made a move way back when resulting in Rachel accidentally setting up Dex and Darcy.
Now Rachel is feeling guilty for sleeping with her best friend’s fiancée but maybe not quite as much after they all spend a weekend in the Hamptons together. Rachel can’t stand hearing Dex and Darcy having sex upstairs and seeing them walking the beach together so she decides to go home early. Of course Dex offers to give her a ride back to the shuttle where he admits that he wasn’t that drunk that night and that he might feel the same way. Eventually they decide to spend the 4th of July together to figure out what’s going on, both making up excuses to get away from Darcy. Meanwhile Rachel accidentally helps Darcy write her wedding vows to Dex consisting of course of how Rachel feels about him.
Meanwhile, Rachel starts making up lies about having “affairs” with both Dex’s friend Marcus (Steve Howey) and her own best guy friend Ethan (John Krasinski). Oh, if only this movie had somehow been about Ethan. Krasinski may be best known for play Jim Halpert on The Office but in this film he’s literally the only actor who knows how to deliver a line and feels completely out of place. The simple reason being a plain thing called sympathy, to be exact. Ethan is so likable and genuine and knows exactly what to say and when to say it that it’s almost as if his character is from a totally separate film. If you ever have to sit through this you’ll understand completely.
There’s no real use explaining things further. Everyone begins sleeping around with someone else while feeling wishy washy about it. Let alone the fact that during the 4th of July weekend, Dex and Rachel run into and have lunch with his parents where his father (Geoff Pierson) sternly explains to him that what someone may want, isn’t always what’s right. So I guess that means the moral of this scene is that you may want to be happy (because that’s what Dex knows he’ll be with Rachel) but that doesn’t mean you should. But I just can’t shake the fact that his father’s reasoning is never ever explained as to why Dex absolutely must marry Darcy.
Is her family rich? Are they famous? Nothing is explained thus negating any reason why his father would feel this way. Thus leaving the audience scratching their head as to why Dex can’t stop being a cheating douche, call off the wedding and him and Rachel can live happily ever after. Let’s face it; anyone with a pulse knows that’s exactly where the film is heading anyway. Lest we be saved having to sit through another 40 minutes of screentime of miscommunication and not even any wackiness ensuing. But alas, then there wouldn’t be a nearly two hour movie to drudge through.
In the end, the whole thing feels like a mean-spirited cousin to one of the greatest romcoms: My Best Friend’s Wedding. Now there’s a film that knew how everything should be wrapped up by the end and was filled to the brim with likable characters even while Julia Roberts was trying to steal her best friend away from his fiancé. My advice would be to stay home and rewatch that film instead. Because if you’ve ever wondered why all romcoms end with the two main characters realizing they’re in love with each other instead of at the beginning, now we’ve finally learned our lesson.
Photos courtesy Warner Bros. Pictures