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Movie Review: Ivory Bastards Against Extinction

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If you like cheesy satire with frequent potty-mouth jokes and sharp pop cultural references, then you'll love Ivory Bastards Against Extinction. This independent short, directed and co-written by Jonathan Case and Timothy Ferlito — both of whom star in the movie — was filmed in Charlotte, North Carolina and Syracuse, New York in 2007. The film alleges to be a restoration of a pair of lost episodes from the 1973 Mexican television series of the same name. The filmmakers did a spot-on parody of a 1970s television action series, with raw special effects, grainy film, Moog organ, and the inimitable fashions of that decade. The sets and costumes are perfect. The filmmakers continue the parody of a low-budget foreign film with the off-timed dubbing typically associated with martial arts films.

The Ivory Bastards are alien Lucha Libre – masked Mexican wrestlers – who were sent to Earth to protect the human race several generations ago. The current group is perceived as weaker than Ivory Bastard teams of generations past and thus is disrespected by many humans. The fab four includes the leader Fango Electrico, the belligerent and chronically horny El Cojo Mente, the studly Cancera, and the suicidal Dr. Head. The plot, such as it is, involves a stolen fetus, a coke-snorting President of the United States of the Americas, and "Transhumans," human-animal hybrids who thrive on pollution, creatures that are "the best part of human and animals combined into one ferocious bundle of hate, instinct, and raw sexuality."

The dialogue is rife with even more cheesiness. Consider these quotes:

"I wouldn't trust you to protect a pork chop at the Wailing Wall!"

"But sweetheart! I protect the planet! I can't always give you the time that…"

"Fetuses are stolen every day. What's the big deal?"

The music for the soundtrack is provided by The Human (also starring in the film), The JFK Ultranaughty, the Taylor Ho Bynum Trio, Calabi Yau, and Jonathan Case, and is licensed under the Creative Commons. The bands are primarily improvisational jazz and ambient and each group has a Myspace page.

The first episode (15 minutes) sets up the characters and the plot. The second episode (11:46 minutes) is the big showdown between the Ivory Bastards and the Transhumans. Will our heroes overcome their enemies, save Planet Earth, and regain the respect of the human race? Who is Old Dirty Bastard? And just where is that darned fetus? You'll have to tune in and check out the film.

The filmmakers are "restoring" more lost episodes and plan to release several more shorts in this series. Check out the film's website for more information and also to purchase the film. Here is a youtube video preview:

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