I’ve always wondered why those on the right insist that legalizing same-sex marriages will usher in the end of civilization as we know it. For some reason, the argument that once people can marry within their own gender, they will naturally want to marry their daughters and/or dogs just doesn’t have that ring of truth.
Suddenly, it all makes so much sense. We have to stop same-sex marriages because otherwise teenage girls will start trying to grow beards, apply for tax-funded mastectomies and take hormone shots so they can play varsity football. High school boys, meanwhile, will start dating 29-year old male AIDS victims, be voted the “Cutest Couple” in their class, and enjoy mutual masturbation in front of their camp counselors.
Thank you, Ms. Harvey, for opening my eyes to these dangers. Not the dangers of same-sex marriage, of course, but rather the dangers of same-family marriage. Because an intellect such as yours doesn’t just happen overnight: in fact, it requires a family tree which stopped forking a long, long time ago.