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Miscellaneous Bad News

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– Not surprisingly, news agencies and the ignorant reporters that follow them continued on tuesday misleading coverage of the now infamous “box-office slump”. The 2005 Independence Day weekend was actually down a legitimate percentage, though, since the equivalent time in 2004 saw a wednesday opening with Spider-Man 2, which is also incomparable due to its record-breaking gross. For previous coverage of the slump by the Film Cynic go here.

-In a bold, near-commendable move, theatre chains AMC and Cinemark have both offered a money-back guarantee on the film Cinderella Man. The endorsement of satisfaction in the Ron Howard movie, a first since AMC’s similar push with Mystic Pizza in 1988, could have lead to problems for cinema managers (thankfully I just quit my role as one) having to judge a patron’s honesty after each showing. How many people liked it and claimed not to have? How many will have an awful moviegoing experience even if they like the picture because of all the extra possible freeloaders? How many people will complain that they can’t get the same satisfaction with The Perfect Man? And how many will not even need the guarantee because of how boring is the first act of Cinderella Man? I enjoyed much of the film, but if I had a choice to get my money back, I definitely would. AMC stating that the film is one of the best of this year isn’t saying that much. These days there aren’t many pictures worth $10.

-Brett Ratner, the talking monkey hired by Fox to direct the third X-Men movie, has decided that creating superheroes is another job he should prove to the world he’s no good at. For the second sequel to the fan-pleasing comic-book movie, Ratner has invented a mutant not found in the pages of the Marvel series, probably because he doesn’t care enough about the fanboys to scan through the pages for what could be hundreds of thousands of established characters in the “X-Universe”. To top off the idiocy of the move, the obviously sleazy Ratner (have you seen him?) has announced that this creation is, “An unbelievably hot and sexy hooker,” who can seduce anyone. Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t that sort of Mystique’s job, in the films anyway?

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About Film Cynic

  • Ratner should burn in comic hell. Someone should make a comic specifically to fake kill him.

  • A hooker who can seduce anyone? Yawn. No thanks.

    Until now, the X-Men series has been one of the rare exceptions to my general personal boycott of big budget movies, initially spurred by the MPAA’s stupid and evil efforts to make it illegal to watch legitimately purchased DVDs on any computer running the Linux operating system.

    I’d just like to thank Fox and Ratner for helping me shore up another gap in my personal integrity. Now the X-Men series no longer tempts me to part with my hard-earned cash.