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Home » Michael Phelps False 100m Butterfly Win Perpetrated By Omega, Visa, Speedo, NBC, Diebold, Stonecutters, Jay Mariotti

Michael Phelps False 100m Butterfly Win Perpetrated By Omega, Visa, Speedo, NBC, Diebold, Stonecutters, Jay Mariotti

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Put on the tinfoil hat. Now take that silly thing off because there's no way you can swim in that and make up the time. It's simple aerodynamics, dude. Not when Michael Phelps is bustin' your tail. Don't give "The Man" any reason for to think he won his seventh gold medal by 0.01 second over you or any Serbian. (Note: "The Man" takes many forms. Sometimes it's a peacock. Sometimes it's a big red "E." Other times it's a bright orange sphere in the sky that shows itself from 6 a.m. to about 9 p.m. Please avoid all these possible incarnations at all costs, and report sightings to your local non-government-sanctioned constable.)

A new website, 001ofasecond.com, has documented Phelps' 100-meter butterfly "win" in the Olympics over Serbian Milo Cavic by — guess! — one hundredth of a second, or the time it takes your latest Twitter posting to become largely irrelevant. The anonymous website administrator notes that the times between Phelps and Cavic were really, really close. And because the times were really, really, close, it's hard to tell definitively with the human eye who won. In fact, it looked like Milo Cavic won. But Omega, the official timekeeper of the Olympics (and sponsor of Michael Phelps since 2004) and official sponsor of the lane Phelps was in, declared the American eight-gold-medal-hopeful and all-around stud the winner.

Also, Michael Phelps has a lot of corporate sponsors, including Visa, Speedo, AT&T, PowerBar, Hilton, and Rosetta Stone. (That last participant is involved in order to propagate the conspiracy amongst several languages.)

Then 001ofasecond.com — which is an erroneous domain name, ya got one zero too many, friend — goes into a list of facts, including:

"• Milorad Cavic beats Michael Phelps (QUALIFYING SESSION) at the 2008 Beijing Olympics (Source: Reuters)"

Well, then. He won the qualifiers. Give Cavic the gold!

"• Milorad Cavic beats Michael Phelps (FINALS SESSION) at the 2008 Beijing Olympics (Source: NBC)

The source is actually a screenshot, which lacks depth, of NBC's footage. Although you can clearly see where Phelps' swimming teammate Ryan Lochte piloted the yacht directly into Cavic's left hand. (This is visible only in the left-hand corner of the HD feed.)

"• Global head of sponsorship management for VISA Inc.: "The objective of Phelps' sponsors is to expand Michael's presence in other markets." (Source: Washington Post, August 18)"

A feat that would have been wholly impossible if he just won a piddly seven gold medals.

"• FINA official cheers for Phelps and promises: "(Phelps) would have won the race no matter what." ("No matter what"!? I mean WHAT THE HECK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN???)(Source: San Francisco Chronicle, August 16) "

It means exactly what it sounds like. If Michael Phelps contracted the gout minutes before the starting pistol, he still would have won the gold medal, because the person who determines the winner is actually a 29-year-old graduate student who works at the University of Michigan library.

"• Jay Mariotti: "Let's make something clear: It wouldn't have been good for sport, swimming or anyone but Cavic had Phelps lost. Losing his final individual race would have been one of the great letdowns in sports history." (Source: Chicago Sun-Times, August 16) "

Quoting Jay Mariotti, without a hint of irony, in a conspiracy theory. Now that takes balls. Pure, brass, balls.

"• Cavic: "If we got to do this again, I would win it." (Source: LA Times, August 16)"

Inherently false, given that Omega has already rigged the next race.

The only flaws in this mysterious website's reasoning is he leaves The Stonecutters completely out of the mix. Didn't you hear their latest stanza in their official secret society song?

Who controls Olympic clocks?
Who owns most of Omega's stocks?
♬ We do! We do!
Who designed the Speedo suit?
Who thinks Phelps's sister's cute?
♬ We do! We do!

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  • http://paulcantplaypiano.blogspot.com Chris “UZ” White

    Saw this on /sp/ a while back, it was hilarious to read through.

    .001 indeed.

  • http://www.dorksandlosers.com Tan The Man

    Better to make a site like that now than never…

  • sdfdf

    talk about perfect rigging…
    and timing for that matter.

  • http://theugliestamerican.blogspot.com Andy Marsh

    I knew it was rigged!

    Hey Matt, take out the extra “with” in your profile….or don’t.

  • http://www.EurocriticsMagazine.com Christopher Rose

    Good catch, Andy. I’ll sort it out for him. Thanks.

  • http://theugliestamerican.blogspot.com Andy Marsh

    That’s what we’re here for right?

    On another note…I find this very hard to believe…everybody knows that these olympics are only rigged for the Chinese anyway!

  • http://www.cinema100.com Todd Ford

    I know this blog post is all tongue-in-cheek and what not. I wanted to comment on that close finish between Phelps and Cavic though. For people unfamiliar with swimming, that must have seemed impossible. For people who follow the sport almost daily though, it was a textbook finish. I watch swimmers come from behind to win races at the touch at almost every meet. Knowing how to touch the wall was repeatedly the difference between making the U.S. Olympic team and watching the show on TV during the Olympic Trials in Omaha. It has been the difference between countless state champions and state also-rans at the high school level. My own daughters have won and lost races by .01 seconds based on finish technique — even at age seven.

    With that finish, more than any other single moment during the Olympics, Phelps proved both his mettle as a champion and that he is one of the most supremely well coached athletes in the world. No stroke is more about timing at the finish than butterfly (and rules are in place forcing over the water arm recovery for this reason) and, while watching the race live, I had lost hope until I saw Cavic start gliding and Phelps go for that one last quick stroke. I knew he was going to win at that moment — and so did Phelps.

  • http://drdreadful.blogspot.com Dr Dreadful

    All the Olympic sailing events are rigged.

    [sting]

  • http://populucious.blogspot.com Kati

    I absolutely have to agree with Todd Ford’s comments. Swimming is not the only Olympic event decided in fractions of seconds. When you compete in a sport that is decided by such minutia, your form and skill in racing have everything to do with winning or losing. Watch how sprinters manipulate their bodies approaching the finish line. It’s because a decision to thrust your chest forward versus your head can make all the difference.

  • Hello World

    People in many place of the world generally write 0.01 rather than .01. So the name of the website is probably ok.

    Second, please don’t feel sorry for that Cavic Serbian guy. Both he and his organization have probably got enough “compensations” by now for not blowing things up further.

  • Much Later, Just Like Omega

    Do not count on “compensations” for Cavic and his organization. In today’s “neo-Maoist” black-white US & European media, being Serbs makes them vulnerable enough for blackmailing in this kind of situations: “To whom ‘The World’ will believe – ‘The Champion’ or ‘The Serb’?”
    Besides, the whole touch-pad/boxing-pad situation is ridiculous. They all obviously should return to catching the metal bar at the finish and visual referee decision, like half a century ago. At least, it is not to expect that metal bar producers would sponsor “The Champions”.
    And BTW: knowing what moves are not allowed in butterfly – does that makes any difference for making the U.S. Olympic team?

  • Worlds

    Yea its interesting if you watched the 2009 swimming world championships michael phelps clearly beat cavic and destroyed the world record.tell me thats rigged. ps the clock doesnt lie. keep hating.

  • Babmbi

    phelps won