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Michael Jackson Sued for Non-Molestation.

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The strange sad saga of Michael Jackson continued today when former child-star Emmanuel (Webster) Lewis announced he was suing Michael Jackson for non-molestation.

“I’m so tired of hearing ‘Michael did this to me,’ and ‘Michael did that to me’,” said the diminuitive star, who was last seen giggling uncontrollably on The Surreal Life. “In all the time we hung out together, Michael never touched my penis. Not once. Hell, he never even offered me any ‘Jesus Juice’. And I’ve carried that shame with me for long enough.”

Lewis’ attorney, Roy Black, was quick to point out that Lewis is not asking for any money. According to Black, all his client wants is a public apology from Jackson.

“For Emmanuel, this isn’t about money,” he explained. “And it never has been. It’s about Emmanuel’s fans, and the rest of the general public, knowing that while Michael did not sexually assault my client, he did, in fact, find him to be highly desirable.

“Mr. Lewis should not have to continue with the shame of being known as the one child Michael Jackson did not try to bugger.”

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  • Madspirit

    This is very funny. Thanks. I needed to laugh.
    Madspirit…off to check Tinfoil Hat Pundit

  • LOL! Hilarious!

  • For hidden camera movies taken in court during the michael jackson case visit http://www.mirrorman.cjb.net

  • thanks everyone.
    of course, if you think this is sick, you should read the unedited ending at my news parody site: Tinfoil Hat Pundit. suffice it to say, it didn’t end with “bugger”.

  • Richard Porter

    Pretty funny! Do you think Michael Jackson wants to “cop a feel” now off of good old Webster? I’m not sure if Webster wants to “cop a feel” off of Webster.

  • reminds me of the South Park episode wherein Garrison tried to work out the issues with his father, namely that said parent never once abused him. “Why, daddy, why!”

  • brilliant!!!

  • Eric Olsen

    sick and hilarious – you rule CG!