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Men Need Help, Spies Online, PBS, and Women Against Radical Feminism

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Men Need Some Help

I’d like to thank the Divorce and Child Custody: Free Information for Fathers blog for this story from the Concord Monitor. In Men Need Some Help, Allison Steele reports that New Hampshire’s Commission on the Status of Men, established in 2002, recommends in their first report that the state “devote more resources to correcting the gender biases men face in divorce and domestic violence cases, as well as promoting the role of fathers in families.” An excerpt from Allison’s piece:

Much of the report is concerned with what commission members describe as the biases leveled against men in divorces, child support arrangements and custody disputes. In research and in meetings held over the last year, the commission found that many fathers feel they are treated unfairly in family court disputes. Many complained of judges who automatically side with mothers, child support guidelines that leave the father with little income, and a general lack of understanding of the benefits of a father-child relationship.

“As women have had difficulty establishing their role as important contributors to the workplace, men have had difficulty establishing themselves as important nurturers for their families and children,” the report states.

The report also discusses domestic violence. Men told the commission that some women accuse men of assault so that the judge will award the woman custody of the couple’s children. Judges tend to take the woman’s side, the report states, which can make it difficult for the man to dispute the charges later.

The commission also studied the traditional assumption that all domestic violence is caused by men, and it found studies suggesting that women assault men just as often. Domestic violence education and advocate training programs tend to compound the bias by referring to perpetrators of violence in male terms.

“Efforts to get relief from the domestic violence problem have been unduly influenced by special interests who have successfully sold the problem as solely a responsibility of males over the years,” the report states. “The whole truth on this emotionally charged dichotomy isn’t being fully revealed.”

As a first step, the commission wants the state legislature to renew the Violence Against Women Act – but only if the language in the law is made gender-neutral.

Now isn’t that what we’ve all been saying all along? Geez…

Kent County Circuit Court and Friend of the Court (FOC) staff Monitoring Internet Activities of Michigan residents

According to the Stand Up Today blog “The Kent County Circuit Court and Kent County Friend of the Court (FOC) are monitoring internet activities of individuals involved in family court cases within their jurisdiction or that are speaking out against them.” Lary Holland, father of two who is involved in a domestic relations case involving his two children and who has been outspoken about the operating procedures of the Kent County Circuit Court Family Division since 2003, including the Friend of the Court operations states, “The conduct of these officials has led me to believe they act unethically in discharging their duties.”

Holland was able to demonstrate that there exists a conflict of interest between State courts and individuals because for every dollar collected by courts they receive additional monies from the Federal government, making child support profitable for State courts and their FOC employees. “It’s how they get paid. High support orders, high arrearages, and long delays mean more Federal money to justify their [FOC and judges] existence,” says Holland, “The courts are uncomfortable with people being able to collectively speak out on issues that can affect their pockets. Why else would they be monitoring a website pertaining to their possible misconduct while being involved with my case?”

If you believe your family law reform website or blog is being monitored, or if you want more information, please visit these additional sites: LaryHolland.org, Serendipity, LHolland360 or write to
Lary.

PBS, thanks for the personal reply

I’m not sure how far this will go, but I’d like to thank Madison at PBS for her personal email exchange with me about the airing of the bias film Breaking the Silence, the Children’s Stories. When I asked how fathers might get their own documentary aired she referred me to this webpage. When I asked her about rebroadcasting Fatherhood USA: Dedicated Not Deadbeat she was kind enough to look it up, but found out they no longer owned the rights. Thanks to Marc Snider at New Hampshire Custody I then asked her about rebroadcasting the April 7th edition of New Hampshire Outlook called Family Law, (video) and doing it nationwide. After watching that video, my heart goes out to Zachary and his dad. I’m hoping for a positive reply. PBS owes all fathers. This would help.

More women speaking up every day

I love hearing from women who see what is happening to fathers and who, like me, are determined to do right by them. So many of these guys feel the majority of women have turned against them, as society has. I try to tell them that most women have no idea what is happening to fathers in their name. Along those lines I’d like to share these words from a woman named Nicole. In a note to fathers she wrote:

You have been, en mass, dismissed as insignificant in the raising of children. In NH, eleven out of twelve of you will only get to participate in your children’s upbringing if you have the mother’s permission. She has to agree to share the children (otherwise joint custody is all but out of the question) and, if she doesn’t, you will only get to see them when she allows it, in spite of any court order for “visitation”. Women rule in the world of child custody.

And in a note to me she added:

One of my very oldest friends was a speechwriter for N.O.W. [National Organization for Women] when I met her. She has just told me that there will never be any peace between the genders (or for the next generation of kids) until fathers are recognized as equal parents…But those of us who followed Gloria back then were only looking for equal wages for equal work — not to hijack the next generation of kids. We didn’t HATE men (like so many women seem to today) — in fact, we wanted to be able to share their world and their success. Now women won’t let men share in their own children’s world. Not the same thing. We were adult — these are kids.

I know there are many women who feel like we do. Yes, we want equality. Just equality. Are you listening…you other feminists, the ones I call “radicals”…we only want EQUALITY, not domination.

I was very pleased the other day when I was able to educate a phone solicitor, a woman working for N.O.W., about the reality of the organization she was promoting. After more than an hour in which she repeatedly commented that she agreed with me, I hung up with a smile on my face and the knowledge that my message of truth wouldn’t stop with her. And I do hope she took my advice and found a new job.

Until N.O.W gets it’s act together and respects American men’s right to equality with the same enthusiasm it has for American women, same sex couples and women in other countries, it really is quite “THEN.”

For more information on fathers’ and family rights visit the Feminist4Fathers (and mothers) blog.
Ed:LisaM

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About Teri in Cali, Feminist4Fathers, Queen of Equality

  • http://selfaudit.blogspot.com Aaman

    I am totally content and a very happy father – I don’t need anyone speaking up for me. So this concern is misplaced.

  • http://feminist4fathers.blogspot.com/ Teri In Cali

    Aaman, Are you divorced or unmarried father? Many of them tell me my concern is perfectly placed. Teri

  • Jeremy Swanson

    Aaman,

    What is wrong with you? Can’t you read?

    Teri is not writing in defence and support of “content” and “happy” Fathers. Why would she even need to? But she sure writes in defence and support of me and hundreds upon hundreds of thousands of discontented and unhappy Fathers. And I know we all sure appreciate it.

    If I was a content and happy Father I wouldn’t be involved in defence of men and Dads in North America either. I’d probably be playing baseball and hockey with my son and taking my daughter to ballet. Or at the very least taking part in the blogging of a completely different topic. Get real.

    If you knew even a tenth of the horrors being perpetrated against Dads and the North American family daily by family court you would not be so full of yourself. All I can say is that pray it never happens to you. And pray hard.

    You might well be a clueless and insensitive fool yourself but you sure don’t speak for me and other Dads either. Teri speaks for me.

    Kindest possible regards

    Jeremy

  • http://selfaudit.blogspot.com Aaman

    Even if this article is targeted at a certain sub-section of homo pateris, the viewpoint of a happy father is doubtless of value

  • http://darkeroticism.blogspot.com swingingpuss

    I know of a father who is mentally abused by his wife. They have been married for over two decades. The kids are emotional wrecks due to their constant bickering.

    Its kind of amusing to see how powerless or powerful the wife feels depending upon the country they are posted in.

    While they were in America she was sure she would get custody of the kids and now that her husband is going back to India she seems to be subdued as in India most of the times the father gets the custody of the children.

    Divorces and custody battles can get down right ugly.

    Unfortunately in the end its the children who suffer the most.

  • http://murasakinla@earthlink.net Purple Tigress

    Verbal and emotional abuse requires two to play. Often the other person (male or female) enjoys the negative attention, has invested in playing the victim/martyr and has low self-esteem.

    Using a passive-aggressive ploy, the victim gets people to do things.

    The children are not messed up because of the mother, but because of the mother and father.

    The father has just as much a role in the development of the children. If not, then why suggest that the children should be given to the father instead of the mother at all?

    India is not a good example because the status of widows and divorced women–both legal and actual–has been questioned. Why does the husband want to return? He has more to gain and the wife has much to lose. Perhaps their bickering has to do with her relative freedom in the US compared to what might be more acceptable traditionally.

    I suspect there are cross-cultural issues that also come into play. This is more complicated than just saying in the US men should have equal rights to child custody.

  • http://feminist4fathers.blogspot.com/ Teri In Cali

    Tigress,
    I’m not promoting fathers getting sole custody. Not at all. I believe in collaborative co-parenting and joint physical custody.
    Teri

  • http://indiatalking.com/blog/indianwomen Diana

    Why men need support…?

    its totally bullshit

    Sunita

  • http://www.laryholland.org/serendipity/ Lary Holland

    I think Teri lays it out clear that co-parenting is the best for children, however the current Judicial Atmosphere thrives on the adversarial nature of the system. The reason is clear, Federal Incentives, State Incentives, and County/Local incentives. Divorce and Custody has become an industry that a lot of money flows readily through. Attorneys profit, States Profit, and County/Local governments profit. The Federal then gains control of the family life, which is typically untouchable by handing out HUGE sums of money for specific state legislation to pass. In the words of Keven Trudeau … follow the money. This isn’t a gender war, the State has just convinced special interest groups that it is, and when the fighting is all over, the State will emerge as the Father of your children, your property, and your finances. StandUpToday by removing the gender bias laws that encourage all the fighting and the money. Only then will the winner be the children.