I am married for 10 years, and in love with a man I met on vacation who has been married for 18 years.
We had a great connection, unbelievable. He is a September Virgo. We emailed back and forth for about four months and called each other once a week. Yes, I know to the outside world we both seem like we are lacking in a lot of moral fiber and by doing this, I guess we are. That is a whole other letter.
He got laid off the first of March. We had emailed thru his company e-mail, so he said he would find a way to get in touch with me in a few weeks. I told him I did not want him to lose his family now that he had already lost his job, and he said that he wanted to keep in touch and would find a way. I have never heard another word. It has been 11 weeks and I still feel empty.
My question: why would someone who really seemed to care not even bother to say goodbye? He knew I would not give him the least bit resistance if it was time to part ways, so why not call and at least explain that it is over, I cared about you, etc. I really need your input on this.
Feeling Very Empty
Obviously I don’t know why this guy slipped out like a snake. And neither do you. And believe it or not, this is in your best interest. Because eventually, when you come to accept the fact that you don’t know and you won’t know, there will be just one thing left to do. Focus on the fact you feel empty, that is – and this is what you need to fix.
So let me try to turn your thinking to something more productive, okay? Here’s my version of your story. You’re married and you meet this dashing guy. He engages you and you him. You email for some months, and share some phone calls… at which point he drops off the planet.
“Hmm,” you think. “What the hell was that? What did that mean? What was the purpose?”
See the difference? He’s not the focus. He is an instrument of the universe… meant to get you thinking. But not thinking about him, for godsakes! Think about yourself.
“Why do I feel so empty? Why is their a hole in me and how might I fill it?”
Because it’s your hole! He doesn’t have anything to do with the hole in you. And if you want to know the difference, check this: if you were “complete,” this would not hit you this way. The guy might leave a void, but it would be a void in your life, not a void in you. Do you get the distinction?
I’ll make it more clear. I recently had a very, very close friend pull away from me. This was someone I talked to pretty much daily for several years. And it was not because the friendship failed. She still loves me. It was for something else. But the point is, when she pulled out (not permanently) I was left with an enormous void. And I missed her like coming off a drug. I was so used to talking to her…
But I was still me. I was still whole. So I just strung one day to the next day to the next, until the universe filled the void. And the universe did exactly that. A new person (people, actually) to talk to every day, came into my life. But do you see my point?
You want to find a way to fill the hole in you, so the people in your life can come and go as they please. And if you can do this, you will be happy, contented, and powerful beyond your imagination today. And at that point, you can look back and say, “Boy am I glad I met that bastard. He made me see how empty I was, but those days are gone..”
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