I love my family and my husband is good to me, but his mood swings drive me crazy. He can be demanding and also mean with his words. On the other hand, he can be the most wonderful husband a girl could ask for. I live well, and do not want for anything.
However, he has some serious control issues. He controls all of the finances, and I have to ask for money, and state what it is for. Then he gives me just enough to cover what I need. Possessions have never meant anything to me. I want peace, and a life that is calm and loving.
I also feel a strong need to make a difference in this world, being a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I want to o help those in need, especially children. My husband would rather I keep being a stay-at-home Mom with the cleanest house on the block. I love that aspect of my life, but my soul needs more.
More than a few times I have almost called it quits, but his two children lost their Mom to cancer almost 4 years ago and I just can not leave them. I love them like my own, and refuse to put them through another loss. I also really love my husband. This is my 3rd marriage and I need this to work.
I feel like I’m sitting on the shore watching all the boats pass by, an onlooker to my own life. I wonder if I am just a whiner that will never be happy. Should I just suck it up and be quiet … or is my life seriously passing me by?
Desperate for Direction
No, I don’t think you’re a whiner. Your husband may want this or that, but your need to serve is authentic. He is simply going to have to come to terms with this.
Now we know what he wants … but I’m not sure how much effort you have put into communicating your dissatisfaction with the status quo. Have you hinted at this, or yelled from the rooftops? Is he censoring you, or are you censoring yourself? Did he say you were a whiner, or did you say you are a whiner?
You didn’t send his birth data, so I have no idea what his story is. But here’s my advice. First, stop the debate your head. You know exactly what you want. You want to go out in the world at large and help others. And I’m thinking if you get that idea firmed up in your head, you will be able to talk to your husband in a way that is clear and compelling.
Now regarding his control issues: it does sound as if you live in a prison. But does he keep you there, or do you keep yourself there? Have you told him how the money thing makes you feel?
Because you sound super-passive in this and that is what is going to have to change. I just can’t tell if he is dictating everything and forcing you to comply… or he is dictating everything and you are complying, while quietly resenting…
Talk to your husband. Good luck.
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