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Home » Mark My Words: Bush’s Mighty Pen, Indian Turmoil, Iraq Cracks, and Bush Befriends Dems

Mark My Words: Bush’s Mighty Pen, Indian Turmoil, Iraq Cracks, and Bush Befriends Dems

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With a tip-o-the-hat and deepest gratitude to D’oh…although everyone knows his name, although it’s not his name.

Dateline:  The Kasbah, Sometime in January:  So much news, so little interest in much of it.  But we labor on, your intrepid reporter and his trusty associate-in-insanity, D’oh, so you don’t have to.  (Someday, I’ve got to ask him where he picked that name.) 

The We’re Hopeless file:  Why just a few days ago, Bush signed another of his infamous signing statements, which, as you’ll no doubt recall, is the vehicle the president uses to moon Congress without having to actually do something so unpresidential.  This time, he said that he had the “authority to open U.S. mail without judicial warrants in emergencies or foreign intelligence cases.”  Despite the obvious howling from Democrats and the privacy patrol, Bush mouthpiece, Tony “How the Hell Did I Get Myself Into This” Snow said that the president was simply reaffirming powers and rights he already had.

The question, of course, is — Is there any power and/or authority that the president doesn’t have?  If not, we could save a helluva lot of money, boys and girls, simply by doing away with Congress…which is kind of what Bush had been doing.  But wait!  It’s Nancy Pelosi’s five minutes of fame in the harsh lights of the media.  Let’s just wait and see, and we shall see what we shall see, or we won’t see anything.

You Think It’s So Bad Here? file:  Some people will fight over anything.  People in the Northeast state of Assam, India have decided that bullets beat the ballot box any day, so, over the weekend, a group of terrorists (we don’t as yet know which group, so we’ll just call them Muck.)  Anyway, people who weren’t killed by Muck described groups of 10 to 15 masked and heavily armed men firing indiscriminately, sparing none – not even women and children.  By late on Saturday 48 Hindi-speaking settlers had been killed, making it the worst carnage of migrants in Assam for at least a decade. 

One hates to be picky at a time such as this, but Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh condemned the killings as an “act of cowardice and inhumanity.”  That’s original.  What would capture our attention is if he’d called it an “act of courage” — although your intrepid reporter can’t for the life of himself figure out why he’d say that.  And weren’t the Indians fighting Pakistan over Kashmir, causing the price of those fancy sweaters to skyrocket over the past year or two?  How many wars do they want to fight?  Don’t take page from the U.S. playbook — it only makes sense if your turn it upside down.  Then, it’s clear why it makes no sense.

If I Knew, I’d Tell You Already file:  Old Abe Lincoln had a mess o’ problems fighting the Civil War, not the least of which was finding a General-in-Chief who would actually do some fighting.  Not-so-old George Bush has a different dilemma — the poor guy’s got more people claiming to have the answer to Iraq than my dog has fleas.  Now, John McCain & Joe Lieberman, leading a passel of war hawks are calling for 25,000 more troops as soon as they are taught how to shave.  The Dems with their new muscles are already flexing them (although Senate Majority Leader Reid is going to have to take a few days off because he pulled a ligament or something.)  The Dems say bring ‘em home.  The war buffs say send more.  Guess which approach the prez will take when he unveils his new plan…sometime within the next 24 months.

O.k., what do you do?  Those of us old enough will always remember with pride for a job well done as well as the well-wishes of a grateful nation as our helicopters left Saigon for the last time.  The administration put us in this stupid position.  Loads o’ Democrats supported what turned out to be one of the worst planned wars since the War of 1812.  Good job, George, if you can’t kill Osama with bullets, get him to laugh to death.

You’re Kidding file:  George Bush is making nice nice with Congress, treating them with more respect when the hollow halls were run by Republicans.  His latest “come let us reason together” shtick was asking lawmakers on Saturday to join him in balancing the budget within five years and cut thousands of pet projects from future spending bills.  “I’m confident that we can find common ground,” Mr. Bush.

There are times when your intrepid reporter just can’t find the words to express his utter astonishment.  After Bush et al. calling the Democrats everything from cowards to unpatriotic to closet homosexuals to liars… it goes on and on, now, boys and girls, can you say “cooperation?”  No?  Well, can you say “friends” as in “will you be my friend?”  Yes, you can?  Tough nuts, kid — it’s a waste of time.

And so ends another day in the life of your intrepid reporter and D’oh.  While we’re pretty sure we’re covering the truly important stories of the day, we welcome your suggestions.  And remember where the best suggestions come from:

In Jameson Veritas

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About Mark Schannon

Retired crisis & risk manager/communications expert; extensive public relations experience in most areas over 30 years. Still available for extraordinary opportunities of mind-numbing complexity. Life-long liberal agnostic...or is that agnostic liberal.
  • http://www.diablog.us Dave Nalle

    Just out of curiosity, what concrete role does D’oh play in the creation of these epic collations of crankiness?

    Dave

  • http://parodieslost.typepad.com Mark Schannon

    Epic collations of crankiness? There nary a cranky word to be heard amongst them, thou libertine…er libertarian, you.

    D’oh provides many of the startling discoveries and commentary; his specialty is “stuff you wouldn’t believe if someone paid you a lot of money to believe because only a schmuck would do this.”

    In Jameson Veritas

  • Mayank Austen Soofi

    Mark,
    Kashmir is in the news because of its Islamic flavor. India has many bubbling boils. Assam is just one of them. People keep dying. But no cause for despair. The nation is strong and life cheap. Unfortunately.

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIMW5iYFGhM D’oh

    Dave asks a good question in #1, and Mark delivers a solid answer. So let me chime in with some needless extras.

    I don’t write any of the articles or their contents. My entire contributions can be seen in each and ever one of the thread’s comments sections.Just a bit of commentary, and the posting of links.

    Some of the links are just riffing on something Mark had said, others are things that I think are important and over looked by the MSM and the public in general, due to the spinmeisters and commercial interests in the editorial offices.

    I’m a competent analyst, but an exemplary synthesist, so the more serious bits (and some of the silly ones as well, appearances can be deceiving) are critical nodes in the probability lattices that I deem worthy attention and further consideration.

    An example of this would be the erosion of liberty in our country being perpetrated by this administration. In this article above, the signing statements regarding our mail are an example, added to the cel phone chip and the FBI from a previous article and today’s addition of this article which can go either way. Either it’s going to be a boon to the budgets of some city’s first responders, or it can be used as a hammer in another step towards a police state. there’s more on that topic, but the work is in progress, and some of it is just coming together, the thesis IS speculation for now.

    I am just using it as an example for this conversation while making NO firm statements about the hypothesis. But the articles linked ARE verified news articles.

    Mayank, thank you very much for chiming in. My goal with the link involving India was to show that sometimes we Americans can forget that there are other, vitally important parts of the world that we seem to collectively pass over, but are crucial in the overall world view.

    Now, from the Weird Affairs Desk;

    So you’re dead, the Army still wants you!

    Yep, it’s true. Seems the Army, in efforts to meet recruiting goals, has sent out a bunch of letters to dead soldiers asking them to re-enlist.

    Is there some kind of secret zombie program we don’t know about? It would save on food and equipment.

    On the ugly side of the coin , there is more about Haditha

    And on the domestic front, Senator Biden just announced his filing of the papers needed for his Presidential exploratory on Meet the Press this morning.

  • http://www.diablog.us Dave Nalle

    I don’t write any of the articles or their contents. My entire contributions can be seen in each and ever one of the thread’s comments sections.Just a bit of commentary, and the posting of links.

    Ah, so you’re like his shill – you make sure the thread gets comments so that it remains current and popular. I need one of those…

    Dave

  • Clavos

    Mark,

    D’oh’s helping you and you call him a schmuck?

    D’oh: Demand a raise for the abuse.

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIMW5iYFGhM D’oh

    No Dave, but thanks for the attempt at insult. All I’m doing is adding more links to the threads.

    Shilling for it would be mindless agreement, or justifications for Mark’s editorial commentary.

    Please point out any of my commentary which appears to indicate such behavior.

    What you will find is that all of my contributions are NEW things added to each thread, usually just links, but occasionally my own commentary.

    I guess this is what I get for trying to be nice and directly answer your question. Instead you can go into the same category as Richard Brodie and the like…

    /ignore

  • http://www.diablog.us Dave Nalle

    Oh, I was just being snarky. You’re doing a fine job contributing in your way.

    I’ll go get my brown shirt and sit in the corner with Brodie now.

    Dave

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIMW5iYFGhM D’oh

    and for Clavos in #6 – thanks for the laugh!

    If you parse the admittedly screwball structure of what Mark said, I think he means that I find stuff that most people wouldn’t believe “schmucks” are actually doing, not that I’m a schmuck for finding it.

    I hope so, at least…

    And a raise, any raise, would be nice. But I think of it all as public service, while I dive for pennies in wishing wells.

  • Clavos

    D’oh,

    Upon re-reading, I agree.

    Demand a raise anyway.

    You need to find wishing wells in more affluent neighborhoods.

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIMW5iYFGhM D’oh

    Clavos, those have guards, and my snorkle isn’t long enough to go too deep.

    Another from the Weird Affairs Desk – did mention ojne type of zombies earlier? That link has another type to deal with.

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIMW5iYFGhM D’oh

    This is another “brick in the wall” kind of thing, that appears to indicate premeditation and intent.

    Judge for yourselves.

    “It appears the White House is actually manufacturing evidence to further its own agenda,” Anne Weismann, a Justice Department lawyer for 19 years and now chief counsel to Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington, said Friday.

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIMW5iYFGhM D’oh

    Last blast for today’s installment in Bizarre Theatre of Surreality, because there’s a Giant’s game on in a few hours.

    In two days, this Congress gets more done than in months of the last incarnation. And a lot of it should make conservatives smile. Starting with Ethics and Fiscal is a decent way to begin.

    Next-generation portable computing/connection device. This puppy does what all those gadgets do…combined! Look Ma, no laptop!

    the Tao of D’oh

  • http://parodieslost.typepad.com Mark Schannon

    First of all, Clavos, don’t try to confuse me with my own words–I’m doing that well enough.

    And second of all, I’m doubling D’oh’s salary–so there.

    Mayank, good points, but if I listed all the lunacy in India, then Pakistan would demand equal time, then Afhganistan, then Lithuania–I mean, it would be an endless pursuit of pain and depression.

    In Jameson Veritas

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIMW5iYFGhM D’oh

    Oh gee, thanks Mark.

    2×0=0 is still bubkis. I’m suprised ya didn’t triple it , ya skinflint.

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIMW5iYFGhM D’oh

    On the breaking news front;

    The new Iraq plan that W is going to give his speech on later this week is out for general consumption.

    “some of the goals that are to be incorporated on the list of benchmarks have been carried over from an earlier list that was hammered out with the Iraqis and made public in October, but never met.”

    You heard it here first, folks.

  • SHARK

    Nalle: “…you make sure the thread gets comments so that it remains current and popular. I need one of those…”

    ~Helll-oooooo!

    *…asshole.

    xxoo
    S[always_ready_to_serve_Nalle]HARK

    *that’s a joke. gittit?

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIMW5iYFGhM D’oh

    But do you enjoy our little newsfest, SHARK?

    Does it bring a toothy grin, or a maudlin groan to your razor filled orafice?

    Perhaps a scintillating slice of surreal sensations surrounding sourced simperings rather than sychophantic squeelings?

    seriously….

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIMW5iYFGhM D’oh

    From the Weird Affairs Desk:

    Mark is obviously either drunk or sleeping…again, so we will try and keep current in the field of the bizarre.

    Earlier he wonders why my present sobriquet, could things like this be the reason?

    Or maybe it’s just the sound that occurs when folks figured out who “I” am?

    Nah.

    This one wasn’t me! I have an alibi, I was over 400 miles away, and had NO beans at all.

    And finally, a big Happy Birthday, and a thanks for this being the first concert I ever went to. No not this show, but this tour.

    heh

  • Clavos

    It WAS weird day, wasn’t it?

    Here’s another one for the archives…

    Can you believe Bowie is 60??

    Aaarrrggghhh!

  • http://parodieslost.typepad.com Mark Schannon

    Alas, gents, he is sleeping most of the time. I’ve got more tests being done on me than a lab rat…luckily, today is a “good” day (which means when I can get out of bed, I feel relatively normal.) I don’t want to lose your links, so I’ll try to get something out later.

    And D’oh, you hang around with one of the Chosen People, and that’s what you get–double. Why should I pay you triple, you’re not doing that well.

    In Jameson Veritas

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIMW5iYFGhM D’oh

    No worries, Mark. Just get better, and keep me posted on how you are doing. You have all the methods of contacting me.

    All my best Wishes for you and the Missus, get better my friend.

    :::mumbles::: cheapskate..