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Man Sued For Not Giving Woman Orgasms

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A Brazilian woman is suing her partner for not giving her orgasms. According to Terra Noticias Populares reports, the unnamed 31-year-old woman filed a complaint at Chacar Urbana Police station in Jundiai. She complained that her 38-year-old partner reached an orgasm and then simply stopped the sexual intercourse.

Police chief Jose Roberto Ferraz is investigating the case. A police spokesperson said: “We will look into it, we will treat it as an ordinary complaint and let the judge decide.”

Meanwhile, the man should be grateful to her for reminding him of his sexual duty to make her come.

It is every man’s obligation to make a woman climax if she lets him stick his winkie in her. It stands to reason: if he gets off, so should she. Sexual pleasure is a two-way street. If a man can’t do it with his dick, he should use his tongue. And if needs be, he should ask his woman to instruct him in the proper application of his tongue to her clitoris. And let’s not overlook the nipples and the G-spot. Do you know where your woman’s G-spot is, you male dolt?

Indeed, every man who does not fulfill his end of the sexual bargain, should thank his lucky stars if he only gets sued, since every woman now has the Bobbitt option — to cut off your dick if you don’t satisfy her. Remember? Few people recall that when the police arrived at the scene, with Lorena Bobbitt brandishing a knife and her husband John Wayne Bobbitt’s MIA penis now AWOL, the words she used in her statement to the police were: “That’s the last time he finishes first.”

There you have it: female frustration in a nutshell, as well as the proper, if extreme, response. It’s not about your winkie and its jizmic release, buddy — it’s also about her clitoris and its stimulation to the point of her release. Which she totally deserves for making you shoot your lucky wad.

I’m actually amazed more women don’t opt for the Bobbitt option, and that we don’t hear the audible plops of thousands of dismembered penises biting the dust, and the shriek of surprised men across the globe, and the glee of avenging females dancing on their partners’ lobbed-off willies, now that the doughty Lorena Bobbitt has long since shown us the way. Have we already passed the 10-year anniversary of Lorena’s Resounding Blow for Women’s Sexual Rights?

Let us laud this pioneer: Lorena Bobbitt, female sexual rights heroine. One day she will take her place in the canon of Women’s Liberation pioneers, along with Mary Wollstonecraft, Elisabeth Cady Stanton, Susan B. Anthony, Emmeline and Sylvia Pankhurst, Simone de Beauvoir, Betty Friedan and Gloria Steinem.

And ladies, remind your selfish lovers that your kitchen is full of sharp knives. Also, that there’s the Cuisinart and the microwave, in which your lover’s detachable penis may find itself shredded or cooked, so that it won’t have the John Wayne Bobbitt option of being re-implanted on its owner’s selfish, duty-shirking body.

FOUND this interesting? More stuff like it on my irreverent, fun blog at Adam Ash.

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  • Didn’t Lorena Bobbitt do time? And was her gripe that her spouse was a selfish lover?

    It will be interesting to see how this case climaxes.

  • Nancy

    Her complaint was that he beat & raped her on a regular basis, actually. Which is why she waited until he was in a drunken stupor/sleep before attacking. She was acquitted.

  • Well fellas, no pressure. If you’re a bad lay, simple ridicule will no longer do- it’s now an actionable offense.

    There are so many wrong places this conversation could go. I am not going to take it there. Except maybe on my podcast. Just not on an open thread.

  • She was acquitted, eh? Sounds like a good call, considering what happened to her — obviously, orgasms were probably the last thing on the poor woman’s mind. Thanks for the info, Ms. Nancy.

    Mr. Ash, I know this is classified as satire, but is this lawsuit you discuss based on a true one?

  • Ms. Davis: The lawsuit is for real, just google it. This piece is “opinion” more than “satire.” A guy who gets himself off without satisfying the woman who helped him get there, should be punished — and castration seems the appropriate punishment.

    It’s no worse than capital punishment for murder. If you use sex to satisfy yourself and not your partner at the same time, you should be deprived of your dick, so you can’t do it anymore.

    DJ Radiohead: what are you, a scaredy cat chicken?

    Lorena Bobbitt was acquitted, so if you as a frustrated woman can make your case that your lover didn’t take the time to satisfy you as well as yourself, you can chop off his winkie without being found guilty of anything, and strike a blow against sexual patriarchy for frustrated women everywhere. I urge all women to take their frustration out not on themselves, but on their lazy partners’ penises.

    After a few penises get chopped off and shredded in a Cuisinart, men will start attending to the business in hand and stop taking advantage.

  • That is a generous (if violent) thought, but consider this: Shouldn’t we all be responsible for our own orgasms? I mean, getting another person off out of a sense of obligation or duty ultimately is no fun for either partner. Trust me, I know whereof I speak on this. Rather than taking her selfish spouse to court or mutilating him, I would advise that the woman take matters in hand and tell hubby to do the same. In other words, cut him off rather than cutting it off. Sex is supposed to be about mutual joy. I’m celibate now, but I well remember the wonder of mutual joy. The idea of sexual duty just sounds repulsive to me.

  • If this is what the world has “come” to then thankfully I made a conscious effort to became a master of tongue fooy a long time ago! It does my nerves good to know a case of bad swordsmanship won’t require legal aid.

    However, you all realize that a counter claim by men about the lack of oral performance by a woman will never even have a chance of being considered in this manner. It’s called a double standard, you know.

  • Nancy

    I agree. I can understand a woman thinking that’s the only way she could fight back against an abuser, as in Bobbitt’s case (& she demonstrated amply that she wasn’t quite the sharpest knife in the drawer herself, during the trial)(no pun intended), but this new case is really out to lunch.

  • John Matthews

    Adam says “If a man can’t do it with his dick, he should use his tongue.”

    To add to that, just make sure you use your tongue BEFORE intercourse. Because if you used a condom and go down after, you’re in for a rather unpleasant latexial taste. And if you didn’t use a condom and go down, you’ll be tasting your own Elmer’s Glue!

  • lwk2431

    While we are on the subject, is it possible that women might consider investigating whether they have any muscles in the vicinity of their vagina and perhaps giving them some exercise from time to time?

  • Mrs_Robinson

    A real woman doesn’t need a man to give her anything. A real woman knows how to get it for herself. Take notes girls. I have been doing this since I became sexually active at the tender age of 16. Get the dude on his back and sit on him with your legs either side of his hips like you are kneeling on his cock. Make him play with your tits pinch your nipples. Place your hands on his chest then rock your pelvis back and forth until you cum.

  • I will surely regret trying to bring this back to the topic at hand, but…

    Obviously, I think the legalities of this are a bit absurd. I don’t see any possible way this is actionable LEGALLY but let’s play this through for awhile…

    According to the story… she is complaining that HE is getting off but she is not. She is saying once he gets his… he stops playing ball, so to speak. Does an agreement to engage in sexual intercourse require equality of outcome? Outcome… you know, when I the wording of that sentiment first popped into my skull I hadn’t even considered the double entendre. Wow. Equality of outcome… some could argue American law has tried to guarantee that in several arenas but we don’t have to go into all of that.

    Is the basis of her complaint:

    A- An agreement to engage in sexual intercourse comes with a right to an orgasm for both parties


    B- if one partner achieves orgasm the other participant is entitled to an orgasm as well.

    Interesting. Thoughts?

  • Mrs_Robinson

    She’s obviously doing this for noteriety. There is no law that says a man is responsible to give a woman an orgasm. Now back to fun stuff. I have discovered that those sponge bob disposable electric toothbrushes are great little pocket rockets and can get a girl off quicker than you can say sponge bob square pants! Simply press the smooth side (not the spinning brush side unless you want a very sore clit) against your clitoris enjoy! ; )

  • At one time I would have thought this was funny.


  • “A real woman doesn’t need a man to give her anything.”

    Darn tootin’.

  • I guess you didn’t get the memo…
    Men are supposed to rebuild carburetors, eat steaks, drink beer, and squirt baby-batter into women’s stinky pinkies.
    Women are supposed to cook and shut the fuck up.

  • Re: #16

    OK, Damn.

  • Mrs_Robinson

    Women are supposed to cook and shut the fuck up.

    Not anymore sweetcakes! :)Hmmmm, do you have a mullet and drive a truck?

  • No, women are supposed to cook, shut the fuck up, *and* suck your dick. If you’re going to spout off like a piggish jackass, get it right.

  • adam … you’re

    PP PPP
    PP PPP
    PP PPP
    PP PPP
    PP PPP
    PP whipped. -:

  • I keeeed.

  • An Actual Male who Gets Laid

    Adam, you really need to grow a dick and stop identifying with women unless you’re going to come out of the closet. What’s funny is that you think you’re going to get laid more by voicing female concerns. Wake up and smell the coffee, dumbass. Women like men or not based on mind games that women are pre-programmed to play, regardless of whether or not they achieve an orgasm by the man. You must never get laid.

  • “An Actual Male who Gets Laid” is absolutely, totally, 100 percent correct. Adam Ash sounds like the product of a Anti-Male Reeducation Camp where he has learned to hate himself at the deepest level. I’m surprised he gets an ounce of respect from anyone at all.

  • An Actual Male who Gets Laid &
    Rodney Welch:

    I get laid more than any male I know and I’m sure that includes way more than you two pathetic morons.

    Any guy who signs himself “An Actual Male who Gets Laid” is protesting too much, and doesn’t get laid at all, or only by the ugliest chicks on the planet.

    Adam Ash

  • I have no doubt whatsoever that your tongue is permanently enslaved to some of the nastiest, most butt-ugly pussy on the planet.

  • Surely between last October and now, we have some word on the progress of this case.

    Care to do a real follow-up, Adam?

  • Ward

    What a load of rubbish…

    They are both responsible for their own orgasms. It is neither’s “duty” to give the other an orgasm.

    As for the childish “Lorena Bobbitt” comments. Be very careful ladies. No doubt that you have noticed the other difference between males and females. It is relatively easy for most males to do grave harm to any female in response.

  • DD

    I agree… Self-righteous twaddle.

    Some women care and some really don’t all that much if they come. (A friend who is a female shrink confirms this.) Some require a tickle and others need a miracle. And who cares?

    A guy who boasts of being with numerous women and really thinks he’s always succeeded is likely a gullible fool.

  • The Free Market Approach to Sexual Satisfaction

    I was going to skip commenting, then I read this gem:

    They are both responsible for their own orgasms. It is neither’s “duty” to give the other an orgasm.

    Duty? Sounds like a business transaction. Where’s the love?

    and this one…

    Some women care and some really don’t all that much if they come…And who cares?

    They just tell you they don’t care. Women tend to need to feel that their partner is interested in their pleasure in order to have any. After awhile, if you don’t care, they just leave or stop sleeping with you and guess what?–you deserve it.

  • Mister

    “I get laid more than any male I know and I’m sure that includes way more than you two pathetic morons.” You forgot to tell us how huge your dick is as well. In my experience the more a man talks about how much he gets laid is directly converse to how much he is actually getting, and the more a man talks about how big his dick is the smaller it is in reality. I get laid too, but often enough that I don’t need to brag about it.

  • Just Tell The Truth

    You are actually a woman using “Adam Ash” as your nom de plume, aren’t you?
    It’s just so bleedin’ obvious…

  • Hmmm. What if Wall Street wives executed a class action suit against NASDAQ for contributing to the infrequency of their orgasms? Talk about paralyzing the economy.

  • stoned squirrel

    lol, any women know a mans g-spot? ha shut up then.

  • stoned squirrel

    simple solution… dont sign your life away.

  • Xris

    You misandrous bitch.