Home / Making a Pass: Hail Mary!

Making a Pass: Hail Mary!

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I’m sure by now that you’ve heard about the salt stain in the Chicago underpass that some people think looks like an image of the Virgin Mary. Since the stain was “discovered” a few weeks ago, thousands of the faithful have come to pay homage to the false god image.

Most visitors keep it spiritual: they light candles and say a few prayers, creating probably the largest collective set of Hail Mary devotions ever heard in the US during the football off-season.

But at least a handful have gotten a little touchy-feeling with the Holy Mother. In a not-so-platonic worshippy way.

Woman reaching between Mary's cleavage
This lady seems to be afraid to get too close, and as a result, awkwardly reaches in Mary’s cleavage.

Woman using her pointer finger in Mary's cleavage

This lady seems to have slightly more romantic feelings for Mary, which she expresses by dragging her index finger gently downward, between Mary’s bosom. What a tease!

Man honking Mary's breast
This fellow gives Mary’s right boob a nice honk for the camera.
[Hey, she’s had a kid — that’s about where they hang afterward.]

Woman showing her son how to grope the Savior's mother
This woman teaches her son that only bad men honk the Mother of God’s boobs.
Good boys pet them gently. “Make nice with the boobie, make niiiiiiiice.”

Giving Mary some tongue
Holy shit — the Holy Grail!

After Mary received all this … attention … someone decided to deface her craven image by writing “Big Lie” on it. Then the maintenance crew painted over the entire image in brown paint, miraculously revealing …

A giant. brown. penis. Complete with prominent vein.

Mary is a brown penis?
And what’s with the sign saying you can’t cross
yourself in front of the penis-god-mother?

Obviously, these photos call many things into question, not the least of which is whether Mary was Jesus’ mother or father. But at least we finally have an answer to the question of skin color.


Also posted at Bitch Has *Word*.

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About bhw

  • james

    click the link

  • James

    Click the link

  • James

    Click the link

  • Bennett Dawson

    It’s writing like this, about topics like this, that got you a link on my blog in the first place!

    Hysterically funny (to me anyway), but who’s warped around here? Me?

    Yeah okay, but it made me laugh.

  • sydney

    ya this is pretty funny stuff.

    These poor silly bastards. Wouldn’t you love to make a 2 hour movie on the poor silly bastards.

    It would be hysterical.

  • Give ’em a break! At least they don’t worship idols!

    Oh, wait…

  • ivan-cro

    thats just wrong. it doesnt matter wheter the image is false or not, you shouldnt be writing stuff like touching marys boobs and stuff. if you dont respect our religion thats your problem, but writing this kind of stuff… sick man, really sick.
    that is why you should die in horrible pain and, im very shure in this, you really will.

    greetings from croatia!

    (you fucking retard…)

  • Bennett Dawson

    Hmmmmmm… What does the bible say, not that the bible can talk or anything, but where it supposedly credits the dispensation of vengence to the lord? Being a karmic fellow, and having heard a particular phrase “Cast thy bread upon the water, etc” I would be rather careful about wishing painful death on anyone.

    Thankfully, Croatia is very far away.

  • bhw

    ivan-cro, nothing pleases me more than seeing Christ’s message spread so beautifully. His words resonate in yours.

    Of course, Jesus had several messages for us mortals, one of which was that HE was the only way to salvation [i.e., not his mother].

    Say what you want about my intellect — I’m still a few IQ points ahead of the people deifying a salt stain.

  • >>ivan-cro, nothing pleases me more than seeing Christ’s message spread so beautifully. His words resonate in yours.

    Amen. LOL.

    It would have made sense for Ivan to not enjoy the post, but then the threats were a little, as you said, Satan-like.

  • sydney

    “you are a sick bastard and you should be killed.”

    — Ivan the apostle

  • Nick Jones

    I’ll probably get death threats for this, but to me the original Reuters photo looks like an extreme close up of a vulva with the labia majora spread. (Thank you, Penthouse magazine.)

  • Nigel Pond

    Looked like a p***y to me…

  • Nick Jones

    That’s what I said, Nigel.

  • Looks like you fellas may have something other than the holy spirit on your minds…

  • bhw

    Oh great, now it looks like I’ll have to write a Freudian-feminist analysis of the phallo-centric obliteration of the life-giving ‘gina, even the ‘gina that gave us God’s son! Oh, the layers of analysis this will require! Must go unearth my graduate school texts….

  • Dan

    I guess I sorta side with ivan-cro… not that anyone should be killed or anything, but that this post is more sick than funny.

    One of the hazards of writing a denigration piece, is that the writer should use some wit and/or cleverness in order to create a sense of detachment while simultaneously allowing the targeted group to demean themselves through their own actions or words. Otherwise, the denigrator comes off as too brutish to be humorous.

    The post above is fairly witless, but instead relies on sophmoric subtitles with sexual insinuation. The goal of incendiary sacrilege is attained, but at the expense of the authors unappealing desperation to belittle being exposed.

    On the subject of the virgin mother’s breasts sagging: My feeling is that they would have remained pert and sassy. Surely the divine influence of harboring holy milk would have had a restorative effect.

    On the subject of seeing images in random natural phenomena: To me, it seems similar to a Rorshach test. Hermann Rorschach hoped that spontaneous reactions to the ink blots would yield valuable clues to the test subject’s personality. Whether they do remains controversial. Still, whether you see the virgin Mary, or “a giant. brown. penis. Complete with prominent vein.” it seems likely it’s all in your head.

  • bhw

    Over-analyze much? Sheesh.

    Yes, it is indeed like a Rorschach test. I actually happen see the resemblance to depictions of Mary in actual artwork. That doesn’t make the image divine or the work of God, any more than the penis or vagina are the work of … some other supernatural being.

  • Steven

    Looks like a big pu**y to me too. Would certainly make the captions for all of the photos more interesting. Take the one with the woman on her knees about to “crawl in”. At any rate, sick twisted sh*t.

  • bhw

    Take the one with the woman on her knees about to “crawl in”.

    Or maybe she’s being sucked in!

  • ivan-cro

    hey, me again, from croatia. about that killing stuff… thats just a phrase, i didn’t mean it really. you americans… i ment it like a form of sarcasm, i can’t explain but here we use a lot of those kind of phrases 🙂 weird… i’m not such a big believer, but some lines shouldn’t be crossed. same goes for all religions-islam, judaism, buddhism (i dunno if spelled it correctly 🙂 etc.
    personally, i like sarcasm and irony but this was, as Dan said, sick.

    i apologise if i offended you with the killing stuff.

    but the people who REALLY SHOULD be killed are those iraqui who decapitated those soldiers and other people. i would every day cut out a piece of their flesh and make them eat it, i wouldn’t let them die, i’d just torture them really bad… .-)

    Those are the real animals which should be killed.

    Greetz from Croatia!

  • gonzo marx

    >note to self< NEVER go to Croatia... the natives appear restless.. (yes, gentle Readers, that IS sarcasm there) nuff said? Excelsior!

  • ivan-cro

    oh, but do visit our coast… it’s the big hit this summer :-p

  • Anonymous

    How can you say such things of Her about boobs and all?? You’re rude.