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Let’s get something straight

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Before I start here on Blogcritics – the cleanest smelling Blog around, I’d like to make sure everyone understands something…

With a great deal of gnashing of teeth, recently turned blindingly white after tripping over the toilet plunger being used by my human roommate and plunging teeth first into a five gallon bucket of PEARLY WHITE… I have decided to NOT apply for next year’s MacArthur Genius Fellowship, worth $500,000.

I realize this comes as a shock to many of you – especially those who don’t have a clue as to who the hell I am… For those that do know me, it is equally a shock that I would ever have had the balls to situate my name in such a contiguous manner with the word genius…

The reasoning for this decision is thus: I have been listening to and reading about the MacArthur “geniuses” now for perhaps a decade. With very few exceptions the majority of these people are quite possibly the most idiotic, self-obsessed, mind-numbingly dull people I have ever had the displeasure to learn of… Indeed, my encounters with any number of Meth addicts in the neighborhood has been, at any given time, more enlightening and quite often more mentally and spiritually uplifting.

Consequently I do not want to be associated with any foundation that has on its board people who actually find these people to be geniuses. I have to assume that the board handing out these $500,000 checks left and right to any jackass calling themselves a genius is most likely being force-fed Zoloft at a rate and quantity that would have Al-Quidah begging Disneyland for a six night/seven day group charter rate while tearfully pleading to talk to Mickey or Minnie… Or even Goofy.

However… In an effort to not completely alienate the MacArthur Foundation I would consent to receive the $500,000 but only on the grounds that the term genius not be associated with my name… I would expect however, after they’ve possibly come out of their Zoloft stupor to hurl terms such as bullshitter, con-man, ballsy, after me… If they really want to bitch they can forward any correspondence to: Alethinos59, C/O Caribbean Palms, Aruba.

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About Marlowe

  • Eric Olsen

    A59, I too have always considered Blogcritics to be particularly pleasing to the olfactory receptors – thanks for noticing!

    And I too resent the preternaturally talented – assholes. Thanks and welcome!

  • Mac Diva

    Duh. You can’t apply for a MacArthur award. Other people, persons of achievement in the person’s field, nominate him or her. I agree that you are in no danger of being selected.

    I’ve had the pleasure of knowing several writers who have the honor. They are brilliant. I don’t know who the MacArthur spies are, but they do a good job of sniffing out talent.

  • alethinos59

    Dear Mac Diva:

    “Mac” Diva… does this mean when you through a hissy fit you do it with a
    Scottish accent? Because I love a Scottish accent…

    >>Comments: Duh. You can\’t apply for a MacArthur award. < << Thank you here for pointing out the incredibly obvious when the merely obvious would have been more than enough! You're a GIVER! >>I agree that you are in no danger of being selected.< < That's a huge relief! Are you on the committee? Is it true what I hear about those meetings? >>I\’ve had the pleasure of knowing several writers who have the honor.
    >>They are brilliant. I don\’t know who the MacArthur spies are, but they
    >>do a good job of sniffing out talent.<< I bet you have! I bet they’re all amazingly talented. Probably, if I hadn’t been in a gin-induced stupor every single time I heard any of these same people speak, read from their latest, very important, very insightful, very, very, VERY meaningful books about the symbolism of a dead bunny along a lonely country road in New Mexico, I too would realize just how brilliant they are. Perhaps from now on you can be amazed FOR me!?!? What do ya say? I could send you a monthly check or something. And undoubtedly those McArthur spies ARE good at SNIFFING… They’ve had a helluva lot of practice at it I am sure! alethinos59

  • DJ Smith

    Why is it that we all seek to measure our skill/talent/self-worth by some insane yardstick that society says is relevant. For example the McArthur Award. Why can’t we just compose and create to satisfy ourselves. In time other people become exposed to it and declare their affinity. Many great, creative forces were not discovered until their deaths. And who shall determine who is the ultimate judge of talent? Lest we forget, the Oprah Book Club decrees the final judgement on all great writers. So stand in line McArthur writers. More pertinent is when we as a country will align ourselves with justice and stop the genocide in Darfur. Six thousand deaths a month? Is that acceptable? I think not. McArthur recognition? How about being part of a global community and serving the common good instead?

  • Eric Olsen

    indeed, but I am reminded of Godwin’s Law

  • DJ Smith

    Godwin’s Law? That’s a bit of a reach don’t you think?

  • Eric Olsen

    in effect, no

  • alethinos59

    Oh lord… You’re not SUPPOSED to mention GODWIN’S LAW! Damn! There, it’s been mentioned again! What evil spell hast thou cast Eric!?

  • boomcrashbaby

    A five gallon bucket of Pearly White?

    A human roommate?

    Tripping over a toilet plunger while in use? I’m assuming it wasn’t being used IN the toilet at the time?

    Just what in the heck are you guys doing down in Aruba?

  • alethinos59

    It was a tough day I’ll admit. I have a lot of teeth to whiten. To see me at my worst go here:

    There are a few photos. And it wasn’t me that brought on the need for the plunger!

  • Lioness

    I like the A59 thing, might take that up! Finally found my way here, *cheery wave*. Like the teeth sharpening that goes on in the comments section. MOST entertaining! Battle on, gentlemen.