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House Administration Committee Chairman Bob Ney (R-Ohio) and Rep. Walter Jones (R-N.C.) called a news conference on Wednesday, March 12, to announce the deletion of the word “French” and the substitution of the word “Freedom” alongside fries and toast on the menus of House restaurants.

This latest government action closely followed the same substitution occurring in a small, but growing, number of privately owned restaurants around the U.S.

Never mind that the French can’t take responsibility for inventing the fry. That honor goes to the Belgians.

Or that “French toast” was named after its inventor, Joseph French of Albany NY (that’s the one in the good ole US of A; not the similarly named Albanyny in France.) Unfortunately, French’s working knowledge of English was questionable at best, so when he decided to name the dish after himself he should have written his creation as “French’s toast” (i.e., the toast of French). However, because he didn’t know how to use the possessive apostrophe, it became known simply as “French toast”.

And that is how, some 270+ years later, an international culinary incident is born.

It’s also a fine example of what makes America so great:

The attitude of, “We’re right, we know we’re right, and the facts be damned!”

But that’s not all. Now, restaurateurs are pouring French wine and champagne down the toilet, to express their anger at France’s lack of support for the US position on Iraq. Hey, they tasted terrible anyway, right? Instead, vintages from California, Oregon and Australia are being served.

Yup, no two words are more romantic at an intimate dinner than, “Australian Wine.”

But, I guess in time of war, we all have to make sacrifices.

Just more examples of the American credo: “Style Over Substance.”

And of the knee-jerk reactionary mindset many of its citizens hold.

However, if we Americans really wanted to show those French weenies, we’d go after a more profound symbol than potatoes, bread and wine.

Yes, I’m talking about dismantling the Statue of Liberty.

America probably could not have won its freedom from the British during the American Revolution without the help of the French. France provided arms, ships, money, and men to the American colonies.

But almost a century later, people were asking, “What have the French done for us LATELY?”

Enter the Statue of Liberty.

The genesis of “Lady Liberty” came at a dinner party in France hosted by Edouard Rene Lefebvre de Laboulaye, a scholar and jurist, shortly after the end of the US Civil War.

Attending that evening was sculptor Frédéric-Auguste Bartholdi

After quite a few bottles of fine French wine, Laboulaye noted there was “a genuine flow of sympathy” between France and America, and called the nations “the two sisters.”

Typical drunk talk, in other words, from a typically pretentious Frenchman.

As he continued speaking, reflecting on the centennial of American independence only 11 years in the future, Laboulaye commented, “Wouldn’t it be wonderful if people in France gave the United States a great monument as a lasting memorial to independence and thereby showed that the French government was also dedicated to the idea of human liberty?”

Bartholdi replied, “I will try to glorify the Republic and Liberty over there, in the hope that someday I will find it again here.”

After visiting the U.S., the idea of the Statue of Liberty came to fruition.

And now, just over a century later, we Americans are again asking, “What have the French done for us LATELY?”

Not much, apparently.

So to hell with their fries, their toast, and their overpriced wine!

And to hell with that lousy statue they foisted on us over a century ago!

I say, “Tear it down and ship it back!” to those pathetic ‘surrender monkeys’. Return it C.O.D. to boot, just to show ’em who’s in charge.

Or, we could simplify things: Just remove any security around the Statue. Maybe some forward-thinking foreign malcontent-types will see an opening, and blow the damn thing up in an act of terrorism.

Sadly, in the present climate, they wouldn’t even be considered “Terrorists”.

In the eyes of the American people, they’d be “Heroes”.

For sticking it to those no-good French.

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About Pete Petrisko

  • mike

    Straight on, dude! I say we put a rocket up her butt and blast Miss Liberty back to Paris. That’ll “shock and awe” those sissies into submission!

    Better yet, let’s give France our whole country back! After all, it was French help that allowed us to beat the British during the Revolutionary War. Let’s tell ’em we don’t need their “help,” and if they know so much, let THEM live here. We’ll all go back to Britain to hang out with our only friend, Tony Blair!


  • The Theory

    i am expecting an official announcement anytime now that French kissing is now Freedom kissing.

    has a certain ring. freedom kissing.


  • J L

    Yes the French rarely are on our side but why should they be? They are their own country with thier own agendas and their own economy to look after. We as American think that the whole world should bow at our fee simply becuase we proclaimed in the 1950’s to protect freedom and democracy anywhere anytime.

    Look back at your history, without French aid where else would the supplies come from. Even if we could they’re aid likely reduced the number of deaths. Just think your great great great grandfather could have been saved by those supplies or aid and with out it you wouldn’t be here.

    The French aren’t exactly my favorite, but I’m not about to kill all ties with them simply becuase they have a different opinion (which is one of America’s fundemental rights FREEDOM OF SPEECH) and the idea of dismantling the Statue of Liberty is ludacrist. Whats next placing land mines along our borders to show we mean business about border patrol.

    Like I said I’m not impressed with the French very rarely am I, but I’ll be damn if the discussion of the Destruction of the Statue of Liberty ever comes to pass.

  • Curly Mudgeon

    Right on!

    it down – you’ve already screwed the Constitution.

    – is sayin’ you’ve got nothin’ left to lose … right?

    Liberty – wave to drones flying over your house.

    privacy – every word you promulgate electronically is recorded and analyzed for
    the psycho-sadistic pleasure of King Obama.

    it is fitting and proper to tear the statue down – hell, blow it up.

    the flame of hope and liberty and opportunity and freedom that the Lady’s
    welcoming beacon once represented has been blown out by maggots, faggots,
    poofters, dykes and libtards.

    is the flame that beckoned and welcomed generations of the oppressed, the
    war-torn, the down-trodden and the persecuted.

    it is a dim bulb offering benefits to illegals that life-long Americans can’t

    is the freedom and room to pick a place to stand and to build upon, grow a
    family on and begin creating new traditions for a new country – there are rules
    at every turn to thwart you – and ruinous taxes and predatorily expensive
    mandatory employee health benefits if you manage to succeed.

    boys and girls, all that freedom and liberty stuff is just historical p.r.
    puffed out as a smokescreen to hide the environmental rape and obscene profits
    of huge conglomerates able to buy the law and the legislators while stiffing
    the working man.

    stories about the average man working one 40-hour/week job and affording a
    house and two cars while his wife stayed home to raise the kids properly, those
    stories are just myth and fiction.

    are the stories of neighborhoods, free of drugs and gangs, that were neat,
    orderly, well-maintained and populated entirely by … blacks, blacks that
    would be sending their kids off to college. More fiction.

    all that crap about America producing over two-thirds of the gross world
    product, 85% of the cars, an America that had the only currency strong enough
    to be named as the world’s reserve currency.

    if these rumors and myths were true, what difference does it make? They certainly
    are no longer true.

    yeah, piss on the French, tear the lady down, put her out of her misery that
    the promises she once represented are now trashed – laughed at by the ruling
    idiot class – ‘progressives’ and libtards.

    since we no longer make any metals, we can salvage tons of copper and steel –
    perhaps; to build a monument to King O on the site.

    está la puerta? Tengo que salir de la couintry ahora.