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LeBron’s New Shoe: The Darth Vader Of Sneakers?

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Okay, so what's the deal now with LeBron James and his lack of fashion sense in Cleveland?

Well, it seems that King James has teamed up with that evil galactic empire, Nike, to create (ta-da!) …a spanking brand-new, Yankees-inspired, sneaker. Oh, the horror! (Is that the correct pronunciation? Quick, use it in a sweat-shop sentence!)

What's next? A shoe created specifically for the Cleveland Indians and their fans – seductively "inspired" by the head coach of the New York Knicks, Isiah Thomas, and Keds? Wahoo. Maybe they could call it "The Snuggle Bitch," huh?

Sure, the supernova star of the Cleveland Cavaliers, LeBron James, made news earlier this year when he showed up to an Indians-Yankees playoff game wearing …(gasp) a pinstripe baseball cap in a certain, shall we say, "New York state of mind."

Needless to say, chaos ensued in C-Town.

So what's next for the Rock 'n' Roll city: We find out that former-presidential-hopeful and late-night-laughingstock, Dennis Kucinich, is truly not "a man of the people." Shocking. (Maybe the Congressman will inspire a pair of his own "out of this world" signature sneakers – and subsequently find a way to soak his loyal constituents out of a $100 bucks for these …"loafers.")

Sure, LeBron can cheer (or shill) for whatever team (or company) he wants, I suppose. Free country and all that good stuff, you know. It doesn't mean Cleveland needs to be shackled to it, however, like some zombie-bride of Scientology, does it?

Whatever the endgame: I'm over it, LeBron. Go to New York. Stay in Cleveland. Exit, stage right, even. I have no more "Burning River inferiority complex," you see. Game, set and "blah, blah, blah" match …it just don't mean much to me.

March Madness, the NFL draft and Opening Day for baseball, after all, is like my apathy and your inevitable sell-out of Cleveland: Right around the corner.

"Hey, I put some new shoes on, and suddenly everything is right. I said, hey, I put some new shoes on and everybody's smiling, it's so inviting. Oh, short on money but long on time, slowly strolling in the sweet sunshine. And I'm running late, and I dont need an excuse, 'cause i'm wearing my brand new shoes…"  — Lyrics provided by Paolo Nutini (and the Late Night Blogcritics Band)

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About Chris McVetta

Chris McVetta is a writer and comedian from Cleveland, Ohio. He is a graduate from Cleveland State University and an alumni of The Second City comedy writing program. His first job in journalism was as an Editorial Assistant working with Harvey Pekar ("American Splendor") at The Free Times. Most recently, his was invited to speak at the Ray Browne conference on Pop Culture at Bowling Green State University.