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LeBron James’ Foot Amputated! Oh, It’s Just a Sprain

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We were all fooled. All of us. The bad luck streak of Cleveland sports was supposed to take a hiatus this year. Even if the Indians fell short yet again, at least the Cavaliers would finish the season strong and give the city by the lake something to cheer about.

But God wouldn’t be happy with a storybook finish. He needed to needle the Forest City a little bit in some way. But the question was: how should it be done?

A losing streak? “Nah, too predictable,” he said to himself. Injure their star player? “No, too cruel,” he said. But then he said “Aw, what the hell.” And then with a simple clap of the good Lord’s hands, LeBron James sprained his ankle last night against the Detroit Pistons in a rather troubling loss.

Now, let’s be honest. There will probably be nothing wrong with LeBron James in the long run, but I can only deduce this as a non-Clevelander. If you were to surmise the worst, you wouldn’t hear any objection from your run-of-the-mill fan from the greater Cleveland metro area.

So imagine if you will that I cooked up a story about LeBron James hobbling to a press conference held up by crutches and displaying a taped-up stump where his left foot once dwelled. A headline that would read “LeBron James foot amputated, career cut short” would likely elicit an “I’m not surprised” response out of Cavs fans despite the fact they would be standing in a Cedar Point-sized line to jump off Key Tower.

Apart from the franchise, it would ruin and the crushed dreams of tens of thousands of die-hard fans, I would be laughing for many moons if LeBron James’ injury required surgical removal of his foot. Fortunately, nothing close to that will happen to the ankle half responsible for holding up that $100 million frame. He’ll just nurse the tootsies for a few days, miss a game or two, and be ready to post triple-doubles playoff time against their first round opponent — looking more likely with each passing day to be the Washington Wizards.

So there’s no reason to Photoshop LeBron James playing basketball without a left foot, right?

Right?

Yeah, right.


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About Suss

  • http://sandwasher.blog.com M.D. Sandwasher

    Suss,
    That’s too funny! ‘Bron’s leg looks like something off of South Park.

  • http://www.futonreport.net/ Matthew T. Sussman

    Good point. I wonder what his knees are made of.