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Latricia Wants to Be a Hilton

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Ah, the good life.

The contestants on NBC’s “I Want to Be a Hilton” were treated to an afternoon of Polo at the Hamptons in this past episode on Tuesday, June 28, 2005 in this year of our Lord.

Said polo match viewed by the likes of Russell Simmons and David Lee Roth. Who the star-struck contestants got to meet.

On to business and this week the contestants were challenged to hold both a “pink ribbon estate sale” and an auction.

To no one’s surprise, especially this viewer, the two Hilton daughters showed up on the scene. Certainly the public would not have tolerated this Hilton series without the infamous Paris to help things along.

It was then required that the contestants go to some sort of nightclub, all to aid in “publishing” the coming charity events.

Which was for the benefit breast cancer. Kathy Hilton informed the contestants this was “giving back”.

An interesting term. And one used often by the wealthy and lazy to help justify their existence.

“Giving Back” is the term popularly used when those of means contribute to, or coordinate, a charitable event. It’s certainly not a bad thing and it’s perhaps mean-spirited to call those giving back the “wealthy and lazy”.

So often these things are merely social events; forays where the moneyed can see and be seen. The nobility of the cause is of far lesser value than the chance for the social set to be regarded as the caring and kind people they may not be. At least as The Wise I sees it. Although acknowledged that it’s no mind the impetus, if worthy charities received needed funds than I must suppose it’s win-win.

There was a bit of drama in this past episode in that all of the female contestants were invited to raid Paris’ closet for suitable clothes for the night out. An invitation greeted eagerly by the contestants. Except for Latricia, a big lady who would not fit into a thing Paris Hilton wears.

Latricia sent the other contestants on their way, assuring them that she was fine. They begged her to come along but Latricia had nothing suitable to wear one must assume. Latricia teared up a bit but later informed the ever present camera that the whole gang of them were getting on her “very last nerve”. How I know the feeling.

Before the gang could take off, Kathy Hilton appeared and cajoled Latricia to go along. Which Latricia did, lamenting that the gang had sicced the “big guns” on her.

Said drama was supposed to assure us that the Hiltons did indeed have big hearts and would not think of excluding Latricia of the improper dress. I don’t for a minute think any of this would happen in the Hiltons’ “real” life.

The next day, despite pouring rain, the estate sale and auction went off as planned. Both the sale and auction items included items contributed by the Hiltons, including Paris’ sweet sixteen dress and a treasured tiara she wore on her 21st birthday. Paris nicely wore the tiara as demonstration, saying that everyone should have a tiara on their birthday. While The Wise I has never had a tiara for her birthday and wouldn’t wear it had one been given.

But that’s just me.

The auctioneers as designated by each team were telling.

Johnny, the contestant eliminated this past week, seemed a natural choice for the job on behalf of the Madison team. Handsome Johnny demurred for fear he would slip in too many cuss words. I am NOT making this up.

So Ann took the job and she was awful. Ann had some idea that she should upbeat and perky, once laughing to the auction crowd that “we’ve got to get rid of breast cancer”.

A very odd way to put it.

For the remainder of the auction she pranced amid the audience, making silly remarks about the items for sale, sometimes demonstrating their use in a very un-artful manner.

Rashad was the designated auctioneer for the Park team. He did a fine, sober job and indeed the Park team ended up raising the most money.

So someone on the Madison team had to go. At which point the audience was treated to a rather bizarre session with Yvette and Johnny tattle-telling on each other. Seems the two had romance intentions for each other except Yvette thought it far more serious than Johnny.

Johnny was sent home.

In this last episode I gained a new appreciation for Latricia. A focal character in this series although I’m not sure how long she’s going to last.

For Latricia has no more business being in this contest than, well, me.

She’s a big lady with a tough exterior covering a tender heart. She’s street-smart and world-wise. My guess is that she’s the contestant featured so predominantly as she is the antithesis of everything Hilton. Latricia would be a perfect candidate for transformation from bag lady to socialite for the series’ final “reveal”.

I wish the big lady luck if this is what she really wants. If nothing else, Latricia, I hope you win the money.

Latricia, you’ll make a lousy Hilton. And by me, this is a good thing.

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About pat fish

  • Well, I had a good little comment going before Internet Explorer froze up on me here.

    In short – nice work. I wouldn’t wish watching or being a Hilton on my least-friendly of friends. Except if you asked Paris or Nicky questions they hadn’t been asked before I think there are some brains behind those shallow and plastic layers.

  • Eric Olsen

    I, like the Screaming Blue Messiahs, want to be a Flintstone

  • Fine post – now I don’t need to watch a show I wasn’t watching

  • I thought that you were rather harsh on Kathy Hilton in your explanation that “give back” was an expression “used by the wealthy and lazy to justify their existence” given that Kathy Hilton’s mother did in fact die of breast cancer.

  • So,life is a breeze, when you come from money, no obligations, ordering people around, making sure you attend all the correct functions.
    How about not knowing who your real friends are, or even if you have any, everyone wanting a contribution, then smearing you if you dont believe in that cause and do not wish to donate.How about not being able to put on a pair of levis and a t-shirt and go to 7-eleven without being photographed. How about being criticised for calling the people that help maintain your home and help keep your life in order for you, friends instead of,staff.Oh,and lets not forget how rude it is not to attend every single function, because your just too damn tired.
    For all those out there that think coming from wealth is nothing but laying around all day,think again, GOOD AND HARD. Sometimes all the energy you have left is to write checks to the causes that touch your heart. It’s easy to be a SNOB when you don’t have to be on your gaurd 24 hours a day.
    Give it some thought.I didnt ask to come from wealth,and wouldnt wish it on anyone.It’s thankless and lonely

  • My heart bleeds for you. Truly, it does. You didn’t ask to be put into what can be a most difficult and frustrating situation and I will not make light of it. Everyone, rich or poor or in-between, has problems and deserves sympathy. Still, my heart bleeds more for people trying to figure out how they can find their next meal or a roof to have overhead or would try anything they could (that was moral) to trade their problems for yours. Ever experienced the pain of not eating for days? Now, *that’s* suffering, and it can be a thankless and lonely way to live too. No wonder many people dream of having a difficult life like yours rather than a miserable existence like theirs.

  • The plight of the poor is heart wrenching and sad. It’s a day to day drama that we can all identify with. The plight of the children of the rich who aren’t properly nurtured or prepared for life is more interesting to us because it takes on the actual characteristics of real tragedy.

    It’d depressing to have nothing and to have to figure out how to survive. It’s tragic to have everything and yet not have a life as the rest of us know it. That’s why Paris Hilton makes good TV. She’s a tragedy waiting to happen.

    Ultimately the underpriveleged person who works hard and finds ways to better themselves is going to be a lot happier with the life they end up with, however modest it is, than a rich person who has everything and doesn’t know what to do with it or with their life.


  • Still don’t get it huh?.Part of having wealth.Helping(hands on)build homes so that people who cant afford to get have a home,sleeping in the field next to that home so no one will steal supplies.Working in the soup kitchen on x-mas.Joining search and rescue for lost kids, watching thier parents fall apart, going 2-3 days without food while your hiking the trails looking for a lost child.Buying a delapidated apartment building and refurbishing it for low income housing,not as a tax right off, but because it needed to be done.And yes, going without food and the comforts of home, so you can stay up with someone that wants to committ suicide.Yes, I have wealth, but I also know the heart ache, hunger, and the other crap others that are less fortunate know,not on a daily basis,But,I do all I can do. So why the hell are people up on thier soapboxes saying the wealthy are nothing but pampered brats?

  • Because some of them are, Corey. See the subject of the original article. For every responsible wealthy person there’s at least one useless wastrel. I know, I grew up among them.


  • Im sorry if I have offended anyone,but, not all people with means, are heartless,pampered,happy,people.I could not get rid of my money,it I wanted to.All I can do is the very best I know. I want to make a change. I want to change the world. I CRY BECAUSE I CANT.I do what I can. I feel guilty for having money, I cant change it, but, please dont group me with the pampered self induldgent rich the serve no purpose in life.

  • Mr. Koch, I don’t lump you in with “Hilton” types, not at all. Please don’t feel guilty about having money — all money is is a tool. It doesn’t make someone good or bad. And I share your frustration with you — one person can not change the world, no matter how much money he or she has. All we can do is what we can do. Thank you for doing what you can do.

  • Thanks Natalie,
    I woke up this morning,and thought,why am I trying to defend having money.I have had to do this all of my life for one reason or another.And your right,all we can do, is what we can do. I was taught at an early age that, this was not our money to
    spend on our ourselves, and if at all possible, it is to be given anonamously.
    Life would be so much easier if I could just sit by the pool all day, and not constantly worry if I am making the right choices telling one charity,yes and one charity not this year,and then to be called greedy and I have no soul, because,I cant give to everyone that asks.
    Alot of times it sucks being on this end of things(just something for those who think people with means dont have a care in the world)

  • justwonder

    Hate to change the deep subject, but who the heck won? My DVR totally didn’t record the last freakin’ episode of the season… What a crock! And now that it’s over, it’s nowhere to be found!! I just wanna know who won and what went down!!

  • Carry

    Me too! I would like to know who won. Tivo is great – when it works.