Home / Ladies, Stop Leaving Your Stuff at His Place!

Ladies, Stop Leaving Your Stuff at His Place!

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Okay ladies, listen up! There is one basic, yet classic mistake women make in relationships, that I need bring into the open: leaving your belongings at your boyfriend’s place.

Women do this because they like to leave reminders of themselves – almost like ensuring the men will think about them even when they’re not there. Does this sound like a sign of insecurity? It is – at least that’s how the men see it. This is not only a mistake, but also a habit that may become detrimental to the survival of your relationship.

Let’s say you spend the night at a man’s house. Do not automatically assume he owes you closet space, an empty drawer in his dresser, and extra space on the bathroom counter for your toothbrush, mouthwash, cleanser, perfume and deodorant. He certainly doesn’t owe you any of that.

If you leave all those things behind, this will surely remind him of how forgetful, irresponsible, and messy you are. He’s not going to get your hint (that you want to be cute and leave your things to remind him of you), and will only think you keep forgetting and that you don’t care about your personal belongings. Dealing with moving your stuff around just to make room for his stuff will also annoy him. Most importantly, it will disrupt his routine of putting things where he usually does because your things are in his way.

Even if you are at a point in your relationship where you are spending more nights at his place than you at yours, this still doesn’t, by any means, imply you live there. You still have your place and he has his. You aren’t married. You are still paying your own rent. Your lives, although attached and connected, are still separate lives.

If you leave numerous things behind it’s like saying to him “I have no life outside of here, and it’s not important for me to take care of myself when I’m not with you.” That is not a message you want to project. Not only are you presenting yourself as needy, dependent, and insecure, but you might also be reading a lot more into the relationship than he does. After all, if he wanted you to move in with him, he’d just ask!

It is okay to leave one or two things – perhaps your favorite robe or pillow that might be too bulky to travel back and forth. Otherwise, get yourself a nice travel bag and pack it up when you go home.

Making the commitment to live together is a decision you both have to make. You can’t make it for the both of you. Stop leaving reminders of yourself behind. Instead, don’t leave anything and let him miss not having you around. If he misses you enough and wants to have more of you, then you can have a discussion about the living arrangements.

Once you move in, you can demand all that space for yourself. Go ahead and ask for two drawers if you want!

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About Ani Ram

  • Old Tom

    Women are territorial. Leaving various items is an atavistic urge to claim territory in order to build a nest. Women are primarily interested in procreation. It is in their genes. Leaving items at a man’s place is claiming territory and the first step in nest building.

  • Doug

    I disagree with everything here. I don’t see her leaving things behind as a sign of her being forgetful, insecure, or needing to leave her mark as a reminder. I’m inviting her into my home and to spend the night. Rather than making her pack up an overnight bag each time and cart it back-and-forth, it makes more sense to me to just leave those things at my place. If a planned day out spontaneously turns into spending the night at my place, her essentials are already there; no having to go without them or run back to her place to get something.

  • Traci

    Men and women are different. My boyfriend can roll out of bed looking great. To look great I require products, applicances, makeup and other supplies. It is a pain to tote this stuff back and forth. For real. Men, just make it easier and OFFER us space!! It’s not like it’s a proposal. It’s a form of respect. Men can’t have it both ways…expect us to look great and not give us a way to do it when staying over. It’s not about trying to move in and stake a claim. It’s a practical matter. It’s not practical to always be packing, unpacking, and lugging a bunch of stuff back and forth. I thought men liked practicality. And shame on you for just telling women to suck it up.

  • Kate

    As a woman I’ve never done this, though currently have been seeing a guy who’s slowly ‘moving in’ and it’s freaking me out a bit

  • Marcia Neil

    However, some females are carried around from place to place as a result from the wishes of various populations to place them in roles of population choice (right or wrong). Also, some comuunication networking is non-documented organized crime, in reality, such that individuals find themselves ‘bunking’ in places and with people outside their own bedroom or residence space.

  • This is just one opinion but when a woman leaves her things behind I haven’t thought of her as being forgetful, irresponsible or messy. What I usually think is she’s trying to leave her mark that she was there, remind me of her by seeing her things and have a reason to come back. I also see it as her making my place hers, sort of territorial.

    But you’re right, most guys like to keep their space theirs unless you and her move in together.