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Kucinich Wins Mars Primary

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The New Yorker magazine reports that Dennis Kucinich has won the Mars primary.

With 98% of precincts reporting, Kucinich has captured 90% of the Mars vote. He scored heavily across all demographics, including fruitcases, nutjobs, wingnuts, veganistas, Friends of the Earth Goddess, Green Party stalwarts, Red Party stalwarts, and so on.

Kucinich has announced that he is leaving tomorrow for the Red Planet, “where there are obviously a lot of beings who share my views.”

[based on a cartoon by David Sipress on page 23 of the February 9, 2004 issue of The New Yorker]
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About mike larkin

  • http://macaronies.blogspot.com Mac Diva

    Mike, this is one reason I no longer have much respect for ‘progressives’ in the blogosphere. Early in the campaign season, I posted some material about Kucinich being way too far out to be electable (and somewhat a hypocrite). Joe Conason had done much of the research. Some of the people I hung out with back then were furious. They had annointed Kucinich THE candidate for progressives and no one was supposed to question that. As you realize, my and Conason’s take has turned out to be pretty much on point. Mars indeed.

  • Shark

    In today’s culture, Kucinich could have healed the sick, raised the dead, and been personally annointed by a glowing dove that landed on his shoulder and spoke the words, “He’s my divine Son,” but his looks would have kept him from getting past first base with the media and the voters.

    “You’re making the blind see and the deaf hear? Who cares; I mean, you’re only 5’2.”

    …Whereas some Aryan weightlifter with the brain of a banana slug breezed into the Governor’s mansion of our largest state.

    American voter mantra: “Don’t judge a book by its contents.”

  • http://fando.blogs.com Natalie Davis

    Ich bin ein Martian.

  • http://macaronies.blogspot.com Mac Diva

    5’2″? And I consider myself short at 5’4.” I agree that a more savvy candidate would probably have gone the facelift route at least.

    My doubts about Kucinich were basically in regard to whether he was serious about his candidacy or saw it as a good swan song to a career he had hoped would prove to be more successful.

    Where I am I now? (Yes, I know y’all didn’t ask, but lemme think aloud anyway.) My aversion to bandwagons has me holding back in regard to Kerry. I am impressed with my fellow Carolinian Edwards’ (see my entry about him to see why) primary victory in South Carolina, but I don’t think he can go all the way.

  • http://expatcat.typepad.com felix

    Thanks so much for posting the official Marching Moron GOP-approved opinion of Dennis Kucinich.
    The reason he appears different than the other candidates is that he is an actual Democrat who is genuinely concerned about the plight of the common man.

    He has more integrity in his little finger than the rest of the pack combined. Not that that counts for anything.

    America truly deserves Arnold.

  • Eric Olsen

    I am not sure that it bespeaks volumes about integrity to suddenly make an about face on the highly personal issue of abortion when it became clear that his opposition to it would be a sticking point with his mega-liberal consituency.

    I am only surprised that the amassed “fruitcases, nutjobs, wingnuts, veganistas, Friends of the Earth Goddess, Green Party stalwarts, Red Party stalwarts, and so on” do not add up to more than 1% of the Democratic vote.

    That said, though I have been dismissive of his campaign all along, I have developed a certain respect for Kucinich for his tenacity and for running a much better-organized campaign (though to apparently very little result) than I had anticipated.

    I still think he’s pretty loopy, though.

  • http://www.tekwh0re.net Ms. Tek

    Dennis Kucinich is sound and all the teasing of him is pathetic. I like the guy. There is nothing wrong with how he looks. He looks no better and no worse than Twit, I mean Bush.

    The thing is that AT THIS MOMENT IN HISTORY, he cannot beat Bush because as can be seen in this post, too many hang ups with his looks, the fact that he is vegan, etc… Not shame on him for being an individual but once again, shame on us for being so closed minded. Either way, the goal is to get the great tyrant out of office, and Dennis Kucinich isn’t up to that job. Which is a shame, since I wish we really could vote for some cool people in office.

    2008 will be the beginning of the changes… 2008 my friends.

    For now, ANYBODY BUT BUSH!

  • http://www.filteringcraig.com Craig Lyndall

    I love the “Anybody but Bush” stuff. I am opening to voting in either party. I was talking to a friend of mine the other day who is a staunch dem. He said something about Kerry and I asked him, “Specifically, what is it about Kerry that you like better than Bush?” He answered well, for one he hasn’t lied directly to my face.

    The thing about this is that my friend lives in Massachussetts. I am willing to guarantee that Kerry has in fact lied directly to my friend as a resident of Massachussetts.

    Point being, the only thing scarier than what you know you will get in the office of the president is what you don’t know you are going to get. All this blind hatred of Bush isn’t going to lead to a rational well-thought-out decision by many voters. If I trust the democrat’s war plan and think they can improve the economy, I will be considering all options and will vote accordingly. I am not sure there are many people who will say that.

    They are too busy insulting one of their two options.

  • http://www.tekwh0re.net Ms. Tek

    “Kerry has in fact lied directly to my friend as a resident of Massachussetts. ”

    Who the HELL cares. Bush lied to the US Public.

    POLITICIANS LIE. It’s part of the job description.

    Time for a new liar.

  • Eric Olsen

    “meet the new boss …”?

  • JR

    With 98% of precincts reporting, Kucinich has captured 90% of the Mars vote. He scored heavily across all demographics, including fruitcases, nutjobs, wingnuts, veganistas, Friends of the Earth Goddess, Green Party stalwarts, Red Party stalwarts, and so on.

    On Mars, uniting the Red Party and the Green Party is quite an accomplishment.

  • Eric Olsen

    yes, but then there’s the touchy matter of water rights

  • JR

    “meet the new boss …”?

    At least the new boss will know we’re willing to fire him if he doesn’t perform.