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Kiss and Tull: Aging Rock Star Has Sex Change

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from “The Mirror”

JETHRO TULL STAR’S SEX-CHANGE OP

Former Jethro Tull rock star David Palmer has become a woman called Dee.

The 66-year-old keyboard player with the legendary 70s group proudly revealed yesterday that he’s had a sex-change operation. With long bleached-blonde hair and wearing make-up and black leggings, she told of his transformation.

“I want to be judged on my musical ability alone…”she said, “…well, that and my new boobs.”

Speaking from the Spanish resort of Lanzarote – where she is recording her first solo album tentatively titled “My Loss, Your Gain” – Dee acknowledged that many fans may be shocked. “Ian was the one who played the flute and did ballet moves,” she said, “so everyone figured he was the pansy in the band. Well, I’ve proven that quite wrong, although I must admit—having your winkie removed in a ten-hour surgery takes a lot of balls. It’s not just wimps who want to do this. To be a girl, it goes a lot deeper than that…” she hesitated a moment before continuing, “Actually, it goes about four inches deeper than that.”

Palmer, a former soldier in the Royal Horse Guards and Fellow of the Royal Academy of Music, says she won’t give up the rock’n’roll lifestyle she loves. Next month, she plans to launch a British tour under her new persona, a piano-pounding mezzo-soprano called “Granny D.” The tour is sponsored by SNAP-ON Tools, with a percentage of the profits going to her favorite charity, The Osteoporosis Foundation of London.

She said her desire to change sex had been an “open secret” in the music business for years. She said that during Tull’s heyday in the late 70s, David Bowie often borrowed from her wardrobe when his band played the same venue.

But it was only since the death of wife Margaret nine years ago that she felt at liberty to pursue her obsession.

“My only regret,” Palmer told reporters, “was that I didn’t do it in the glory days. Back then, I could have had Elvis, Jim Morrison, or my pick from the millions of testosterone-addled rock fans that constantly surrounded us while on tour. I had access to pot, speed, and lots of horny young boys, but I was trapped in the body of a Scottish farmhand. Now that I’ve finally found myself —with the help of a home equity loan and a scalpel— I’m a pasty bleached blond with a 42 inch bust and a beer gut; I’ve got vericose veins and I get out of breath tying my orthopedic shoes.”

She added, “I guess it was either kill myself or become a woman, but now it looks like I’ll end up with a cat, a dildo, a lesbian roommate, and a pair of Depends. Life is wierd, but you’ve got to try to find happiness.”

Dee, based in Hove, East Sussex, added: “I’ve felt like this since the age of three.”

She claimed everyone has been supportive of her decision, but a close family friend said: “That’s not true. It is not that anyone is prejudiced, it’s just the timing. He doesn’t seem to appreciate the massive effect this is going to have on his family. They had a hard enough time with his earlier rock star status—the drugs, the booze, the lost weekends, the torn-up hotel rooms, the lawsuits… it went on for years. And now that he’s finally settled down, “He” becomes a “She”— and they’re going to have to put up with his post-menopausal freak-outs. It’s hard for the family, no doubt about it.”

Last night Ian Anderson – the guiding force behind Jethro Tull for three decades – backed his ex-bandmate’s sex-swap. He said: “I found it difficult to understand at first. I do remember that during our tours, he’d get rather pissy every 28 days or so, but I never thought much about it. Anyway, I fully support his decision. Hell, I went from rock genius to salmon rancher, so I can’t exactly stand in judgement, now can I?”

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About Mark Shark

  • sezme

    Gotta love Ian’s quote. Always a sharp tongue. Doesn’t sound like Dee will get a spot on any JT reunion shows.