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Kaiju Big Battel: The Shocking Truth about monsters

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Kaiju Big Battel is a global conflict, waged across the galaxy, destroying planets. In this context, the minor losses suffered by our cities on earth from depredations of the Kaiju monsters seems trivial. We are indeed fortunate that we have the Kaiju Heroes to protect us, and the Kaiju Regulatory Commission (KRC) to maintain an order of sorts. If only that dastardly Dr Cube could be foiled!

Some brief history may be in order:

Kaiju, the Japanese word for monster, refers to giant monsters like Sky Deviler, Kung Fu Chicken Noodle, and Uchu Chu the Space Bug. They are opposed by Kaiju Heroes like Silver Potato, Dusto Bunny and the boxing hero American Beetle, who combines jingoism with aggressive diplomacy and boxing, and believes himself to be the US President. The Kaiju Regulatory Commission oversees these battles, and deals with the plots of Dr Cube, a renegade Kaiju Hero, who now manufactures Kaiju like Dino Kang Jr, Polo Cato and TurnOnLight. The KRC is led by the mysterious commissioner, whose identity is now the #1 secret in the world, after the unmasking of Deep Throat. Theories range from Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jimmy Carter to Dr Cube himself.

The Shocking Truth DVD provides a primer on Kaiju, What is Kaiju, exposes the secrets of Dino Kang Jr’s (a clone of Hell Monkey’s dead mother) cave, and tracks the meteoric rise and fall of the break-dancing aluminium clad tuber Silver Potato. It details a cataclysmic showdown between Team Space Bug and Dr Cube’s Posse, and the tragic death of one important Kaiju. Bonus features abound.

In recent battels, post the ones chronicled for eternity on the DVD, Neo Teppen defeated Call-Me-Kevin again. The battel report reads,

On Sunday, Call-Me-Kevin was traveling up the River Seine in search of his favorite delicacy, frog legs, when he detected the scent of this delicious dish just below Le pont Neuf. Bursting out of the water, Kevin was shocked to find his nemesis Neo Teppen chomping on a crepe, while on break from his latest assignment providing security for the E.U. Constitutional referendum. Kevin’s shock soon turned to rage as he heard the track-suited super-Hero calling him “le plus grand perdant.”

The ensuing Battel lasted all of two minutes as Teppen utilized 3 1/2 of his secret powers to kick Call-Me-Kevin up and down the Champs Elysees, before delivering a nasty powerbomb onto the pointy part of the Louvre. Call-Me-Kevin’s sole offensive success came when he managed to wedge Neo Teppen’s enormous helmet in between one of the arches at a local McDonald’s, but the locals were all too happy to help the Hero free by tearing the arches down. In the end Referee Jingi’s French cousin Pierre d’Arbitre made the trios count and Call-Me-Kevin further extended his record of ineptitude.

Kaiju Big Battel is a masterpiece of zany myth-making, performance entertainment, and innovative blending of pop culture, political satire,Jap monster flicks, pro-wrestling, and more than a touch of crazy humor.

Kaiju Manga- kaiju.com
Kaiju Battel(kaiju.com)

Here’s a trailer for the Shocking Truth

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  • http://darkeroticism.blogspot.com swingingpuss

    The movie gave me a monumental headache- the size of a Kaiju.

    I think its a good alternative to WWF for children five and under;-)

  • http://selfaudit.blogspot.com Aaman

    swingingpuss, the Kaiju commmissioner will hunt you down!

    I intended to add this film(Destroy All Monsters) to the Amazon list:

    When a malevolent race of Moonwomen try to put the big hurt on Earth, it’s up to (take a deep breath) Godzilla, Rodan, Mothra, Anguilas, Minya, Manda, Baragon, and Spigas to resist their evil mind control and make the world safe for monster (and human) kind! Long unavailable on video, Destroy All Monsters is the crowning achievement of the Japanese monster genre, with wall-to-wall action, cheesily magnificent special effects, and a final nine-to-one battle royale (against the awesome three-headed dragon known to fans as King Ghidorah) that’s guaranteed to get even the most passive viewer noisily bopping around the room. A badly dubbed, logic-defying, supremely gonzo blast, presented in a widescreen format that allows the watcher to see every single rubber scale

  • R. Johnson

    Anything to do with Japanese Monsters is
    cool in my book. The dumber the better.
    These are fun for “Kids Of All Ages”.
    Cheezy as all get out but fun,the worse
    the film the higher the entertainment
    value when it comes to this stuff.

  • http://www.mondoirlando.com Aaron, Duke De Mondo

    Aaman, thank you for bringing this to my attention. this can only rule beyond all reason!