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Jonathan Brandis – Dead at 27

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Nicole’s blog pointed me to this site:

Sonafide.com posted this blog on Jonathan Brandis. He killed himself a few weeks ago.


[picture from http://www.sneksoog.demon.nl/jona-e.htm]

I thought he was so dreamy on seaquest – I actually followed along with the series, through Prodigy’s BBS pages. During the commerical breaks, they would have updated episode pages on the BBS’s – and I would tie up my family’s phone line to access this site.

Why did he do it?

He was still making films.

1. 111 Gramercy Park (2003) (TV) …. Will Karnegian
2. Puerto Vallarta Squeeze (2003) …. Weatherford

It seemed like he came from a good family. I suspect he invested his film and television earnings, in a good way. Not like some other child actors who felt they had to run for Governor, to jump start their careers, to pay off the bills.

Why did he do it?

Maybe it was just the acting, but it seemed like he had a pretty decent attitude about life – decent towards other people and positive about the world, in general. From my own personal brushes with suicide and suicide attempts, I find it difficult to imagine Brandis giving in to such self-destructive behaviour. I thought he was stronger than that. I know it seems easier to give-up on life and on yourself, but it doesn’t mean it’s the right way to do things. Sometimes there are things so painful, that it seems like you would die from experiencing it. But you don’t die, you end up surviving and it’s how you survive and move on, that matters most.

I thought Brandis had a wonderful sense of adventure – as Bastian in the Neverending Story, Part 2 – he had so much joy in that magical world and he managed to face his fears.

I thought this actor knew about surviving adversity – Barry in Sidekicks, despite his asthma, he found he could do all those cool martial arts moves by training consistently.

Finally, I thought he knew what it meant to believe in himself, like Lucas from Seaquest, DSV.

Why did he do it?

I guess he didn’t see all those amazing things he’s capable of.

posted at bonvivant.queenkv.org

About queenkv

  • angie

    God bless you! Jonathan will live on in our hearts.

  • Amy-Jo

    My recent letter was very spontanious and I should have proofread it a little bit better, but I was totally honest in everything I typed. I feel that Jonathan is watching over me now and that he is protecting me from feeling alone. I wrote a letter to him once telling him how I felt about him and I remember getting back an autographed picture and copied letter that said he was sorry he couldn’t write an individual letter to me, but I understood why because there was just too many letters and he had too many that loved him. I was just thrilled that he gave me that and I still have his black and white in my childhood scrapbook.

    My husband is a very busy Computer Programmer and so he gets very tired in the evening so I get a little lost in my feelings, but lately, since I saw a vision as I called it—I saw him breifly in a Dream which was odd because I hadn’t even thought a bit about him since I had heard of his death (when my sis, Angela, told me in Feb. of 04). I feel so incredibly guilty thinking of him so much because I am totally in love with my husband, but maybe I don’t get what I need from him and that is why I feel drawn to my past love (Jon B.). I know my husband does the best he can to make me happy as possibe. I have to say he is my first real love, but we are soo different. I feel like I have more similarities to Jon even though I could never really know him like his father, mother, or x-girlfriend. But I truely feel him in me. I know I may sound like I’m trying to seem apart or special than any other girl that lusted over him because I am not. I actually lost interest after watching a few episodes of Seaquest and then I saw him in some weird movie where he was into drugs and stuff–I got angry that he chose such an odd role or bad roll I should say. I lost faith in him and didn’t even pray for him, let alone myself for that matter……I was around 19 then, and that spring before I turned that age, was when I went into the Department of Behaviorial Medicine and was in the hospital for a week and I was completely wacked out (part of it was I drank, smoked a little much and hung with the bad boys). I ended up dropping out of College for a bit and almost lost my job as a cashier. That summer I vowed not to get rapped up in a relationship because I wanted to save myself for me and someone that didn’t drink or do drugs. Well, I met my husband that following 4th of July and he’s been good to me since. Well, he drinks but is getting better. Just socially drinks which still bothers me a bit because I can’t. Our relationship has been a lot better though since I got out of the hospital on May 2—he tends to my needs more and I do the same for him. Maybe there’s a lot of people like me, I really don’t know. I feel more connected to, but at the same time some independancy. I do love him more and more everyday.

    I don’t want to sound like I know everything because I honestly don’t, but I am definetaly learning a lot about religious people and what they do for others. Whatever you want to call me is anyone’s opinion, but I seem to have him in my head. Seems to be ironic that I would have dreamt of Jon around what would be his 30th birthday and close to my 27th birtday. I started to become really spiritual when I became Catholic and picked my Patron of Saint as Elizabeth of Hungary and really started to use her as my strength the second time I went into the hospital in 2004. She seemed to help find me. Jon recently iced the cake for me.
    God tells me that I may die young–so now I try to live everyday to the fullest. I know maybe I am tampering with the unknown too much, but I pray, too, that I am doing what I am suppose to be doing.
    Talking about this and letting people know of what I am feeling gives me a sense of release. And hopefully I can live without thinking about Jon soo much.
    Since I saw Jon though, I feel more free, in a sense, and more than ever am moving into the future rather than dwelling in the past and finally have some goals besides only raising my boys (which I know is a big deal in itself), but I have dreams for myself of being a writer, singer in my church choir and Leadership in my Mother’s of Preschoolers group. I don’t think am completely freed until I finish typing my feelings of Him.
    I know that Jon is not the mesiah, but I do beleive that God sent him to tell me that I will be okay………And I am sure a lot of others know that he is okay but I feel like I need to really tell others, too, that God is a forgiving God. Though Jon suffered a lot after he died and is still full of guilt, but he tells us to be strong so you don’t miss your chance to run free and fight to know God and his only begotted son. He could have done a lot more with his life, but God had a different plan–one that he didn’t understand as many others, but he did get a second chance. He found God! Because so many prayed he lives in our hearts. He may not be in a so-called heaven right now, but he is around where we can’t necessarly see. I beleive deep down that he is watching over all of his beloved fans and he sends his regrets, but will give back what he took away from soo many……….
    :)
    Now I say to you JONATHAN (son of Moses and Greg of course) our Gardian Please watch over the young girls, especially the ones that never got to know Jesus yet……Protect them from Alcohlic parents and neglecting parents. Show them mother nature and our True God on Earth before they lose control…..help them know that they are pretty, smart and IMPORTANT!!! Little girls get lost easily and need to know that they each have gardian angels….I beg down on bended knee and press in my heart…….. many are hurting and crying out for help—show them the right way so they can blossom into butterfly Princesses!
    Thank you……I hope someday when it is my turn to enter the Kingdom of Heaven that I get a chance to meet you, but until then I have work to do so please don’t hover over me—I don’t want to faulter to lusting you rather than my husband because he really needs me, as well as my 2 beautiful sons.
    Your beloved friend, Always and Forever!—Amy

  • Amy-Jo

    Angie-
    Kind of Ironic, I have sister named Angie, but I like to call her Angela because it sounds more like Angel. She is the only one that really unstands me. My husband tries to, but doesn’t really know. He’s not very spirital and is totally not superstitious. He upsets me sometimes because I gave up my Lutheran religion willingly I have to admit and was more interested in the Catholic beliefs anyway. I just bothers me that I can’t really pray with him or go to church very often because there seems that he is tired or something. But I have hope that he will get better. He still young–28. I tend to carry on and so I hope I didn’t sound like The HOLY MARY of Jesus or any thing. I just poured out what I fealt. I will be interested in how people will react to what I wrote, but I hope I don’t read anything bothersome. Although I feel I can take any critism–I am truely a strong person now. I appreciate your response. Maybe we can chat on here. I am a stay-at-home Mom and am always reaching out for more answers in life. I’ll maybe catch you on tomorrow. I am up late again. I shall return to see what tomorrow may bring.

  • angie

    amy-jo
    You are an inspiratin.I think we were writing at the same time so I don’t Know if you seen what I wrote or not?If you will read what i wrote earlier about a bad child hood some of it is because my mother was an alcholic.Thats just part of it.Lets pray for Jon’s parents.You will always be with us Jonathan.

  • angie

    Amy-jo
    My name is Angela everyone just calls me angie.I stay at home with my daugter Kimberly.She is going to srart school and I am going to be so lonely.This is the first time for me to chat online.My husband Heath is a hard worker.He loves things to be perfect and that can’t be.I stay up late too.I look foreward to chating with you.

  • Amy-Jo

    Hi, Angie–
    I know where you are coming from when you say you get lonely because I am the same way sometimes, especially it the Winter. Both my mom and my dad were functioning Alcholics and heavy smokers which was very emotionally and physically damaging. I still love them though and I have a pretty decent relationship with them now.

    I am lucky enough to have two sons. They have changed my parents ino thinking that they want to be good role models for them and want to be around to watch them grow. After about 35 years of smoking they finally quite when they found out I was pregnant with Christian. I really would like to have a little girl, but I have come to the relization that I haven’t really had a chance to do the things that I want to do to care for myself look and healthwise. I was always so busy, but at the same time I felt isolated and bored in a way. I felt like the time was just melting away and I couldn’t keep up to the fast growing Earth around me. Lately, I have been consitrating on myself for once. My boys keep me busy enough, and for me to have a third within the next couple of years would be a mistake because of heart my condition and my mental illness. Several doctors have advised me not to bear anymore children which saddens me.
    I am sorry if my entries seem to be soo long. I am sure people will skip right over my writings, but that is fine. It just feels good to get feelings out in the open. I journal a lot and am in the process of writing a children’s book and hope to someday write my life story. I also see a theorpist that his awsome–he makes me feel more grounded and assures me that I normal, but yet not boring or ordinary. He asked a lot of questions which I love and doesn’t make me feel intimidated at all. God Bless my MARK the Theoropist and this website.

    If Mary and Greg don’t read any of these websites, I would try to find away to get a letter directly to them, although they probably get so many that they can’t keep up with them.

    Maybe they aready know that there boy is safe with God or should I just assume that they do because they made him and they probably had several visions of the lost son being found. My Dream or day dream was soo really that I could almost touch him except there was a glass window between us…..we made I contact, then I got distrated by the boys. I looked again when he wasn’t looking and watched him finish up his lunch with his dark haired friend. Jon was wearing a green hat with a green shirt and it looked like he had some stubble on his face, but was very well groomed and hansome. I remember thinking oh my GOD that looks just like him and my heart started racing–I wanted so bad to get up and go talk to him, but as soon as I finished my grilled chicken sandwhich he was aready walking with his friend towards a MayFlower Semi……Maybe I just was haulusinating or maybe he was just someone that looked like him—I really have no proof, but I can give you my word that I felt him with those beautiful magical eyes of his…he gave me a look that I will never forget and the words I cannot express enough how drawn to him and how much I think of him until this very day.
    There is so much stuff about Jonathan to read about, but I haven’t found anything that Jonathan himself wrote. I know there is tons of stuff about his movies and I read stuff that his friends and fans wrote. Maybe I will just need to look harder. I haven’t looked real close because some of the websites seem a little dark and I would rather not see the bad side of it. Part of me says I should just leave well enough alone, but at the same time I feel like God is trying to tell me to search more into his background. Last night I prayed that what I wrote would be it, but he still lingers in my mind…..
    Angie–do you know if his parents look at this website. I really don’t know much about them except that Mary use to be a teacher and Greg (I have an Uncle Greg:) I can’t remember what I read about him except that he was Jon’s agent or something??? I also know that they seemed to have been good parents. You are right when you said or someone else said that it must have been hard to be an only child. I had a very close friend during and after high school (he was the one that actually interduced me to Dean) who was an only and he had a hard time in high school–he got into a lot of drugs and stuff. His parents couldn’t have more kids either so obviously it wasn’t their fault because they are really nice people. He’s doing okay now. He has 5 year old daughter, but isn’t married and is single. I pray for him to that he hangs in their, too.

    Well, I better end this now. I am sorry that this one is long, too. Hope to hear from again soon Angie!—Amy-Jo

  • angie

    Amy JO
    I am glad to here from you again.I have got to go out and do some grociery shoping.Sounds great does’nt it.I’ll write back later.

  • angie

    Amy Jo
    I don’t Know if his parent’s look at this site.I hope they do.Hopefully they do and they can see all the nice things people had to say about him.I’m going to go ahead and say what caused my depresion.(other than my drunk mother.)I don’t care what other people think.They don’t know me.My mother would send me home with this man.He was a precher and about 70 yrs old.He took advantage of me.She says she never Knew.What kind of mother would do that to a little girl and say she did’nt know? He was giving her money, She was staying drunk.I WAS Getting cloths every week end.I would never let him take my virginity.I can’t believe he did’nt anyway.He did plenty.I was married to my husband for 2 yrs.Before I told him.My mother had to know it.I tried to kill myself back then.MY MOTHER KNOWS i TOOK ALOT OF PILLS.She did’nt care.I droped out off school and moved in with my aunt.I call her my mom.She was ther through my dateing and marriageand pregnancy.I went to work with my uncle and met Heath. his grandfather left him his old house to him when he died.Heath And i started remodeling it .Sometimes I wonder how I turned out so lucky.I am so sad about what happend to Jonathan.I know you fell the same.It’s good to meet such a great person to chat with.
    Angie

  • Amy-Jo

    Angie-
    Wow you do stay up late! I saw my phsyciatrist today and he told me that I really need to go to bed earlier. I take 800mg of serquiel to help me sleep at night, but I always feel like the only alone time I get is after the kids are in bed and when my husband is sleeping or playing is dumb x-box 360. I hate taking those sleeping meds because it takes me like 2 hours to wake up in the morning even if I sleep 8-9hrs. I pretty much sleep walk from about 7:30 (when my babe wakes) until like 9am. Luckily he lowered the dose to 700.

    Since I’ve been out of the hospital, I just really enjoy reading and journaling. I try doing the writing stuff when my 1 year old taking a nap and my boy is at school or watching toons. He’s napping late today, which I’m surprised about.

    I am so sorry to hear about your rough past…..I thought I had it bad. Did your Dad pass when you were young? So did this preacher actually molest you or did he just constitanly flirt? Either way, it must have been incredibly hard on you when your mother let it happen. I was fornunate not get molested or raped, but I know friends that have and I saw(witnessed) and felt there pain. Sad story–I didn’t because I told them to leave me the HELL alone–I was really drunk.

    My parents have always loved each other along with me and my siblings, but they weren’t really affectionate people at all which I craved and ended up having some bad relationships in my late teens. I dated a very sad and lonely guy for few months–he was an alcoholic, drug user and he was like 7 years older so he in away used me. He tried killing him self in front of me by taking too many pills and washing them down with some hard liquer which really pissed me of because I was working on a term paper when he called me over and I blame him for failing that class. I was so young and naive then. He ended up being okay that night and I told him that I had to go my own way. I have no idea where he is and how he his.

    I think the things that has helped the most for me getting through the point of meeting my husband was praying first of all. My parents were pretty strict about going to church–I was Lutheran. I had a lot of boyfriends in middle school until 8th grade when found my Dream Boy–Jonathan on NeverEnding Story PartII and then of course Ladybugs which I watched a million times. I really was obsessed then. I was the typical Jonathan Brandis Fan and Put posters of him all over my room. I even have a picture of me holding his chin in my hand and at the time I kept saying this is my future husband and when I was 18 I was going get into my brand new volkswagon convertible and drive all the way from Winona, MN to L.A. and………who knows.

    I also dreamed of him coming to Winona and rescuing me from my crazy life. But why would he want me so screwed up and not very pretty (so I thought at the time)and with thousands of other girls writing to him every week…….Made me a little more sad knowing that I could never really meet him and if I did get the chance it would just be a breif hello and if I was really lucky, I’d a hand shake & a beautiful smile from him……I’m starting to cry thinking about it. I was truelly in love with him. And I think he was a Godsent to me at that time because I really didn’t care for any other boys throughout high school. I took that .0001 percent chance and did save way for him for many years. It was like I was saving myself for him or someone like him.

    Seeing a face of him at the restaurant I went to on April 20th was my sign from God. At first, I thought maybe he was going to save me from my depression and was going to take me away from my home, which I honestly and sadly would have done. There was more to be said after I saw him walk away. My soul starting feeling whole again after that moment and as I prayed for myself and him these last few weeks I totally feel like I can become a hero like I always thought he was.

    I totally feel free. I am so glad I could tell my story of Jonathan and how he helped God save me. I am not saying he came just for me alone. I know for a fact that he is going to help heal others if he hasn’t already. I don’t want to sound like him killing himself was a good thing (because obviously suicide is the worst sin I could ever imagine), but I think their is true reason for his Death. I think God had a very unreal plan for him, so that suicidal victoms could see how others hurt and ache (this of many websites shows how he is so extremely missed). Sounds strange I know, but life plays funny tricks. Hopefully people don’t take my writings the wrong way. I just have to say that Certain People have designated roles to play apart in God’s Way. Please NO ONE take your own life! I know so many that have and they end up hurting others way more than themselves. Jonathan just took a different fork in the road, but was VERY LUCKY In DEED. He loved so many that he intern got prayers of healing so he could be saved. Jonathan did not want to play Jesus, of course, he is himself and did what he did because he was sick and hurting and did not know where to turn. Being a Hollywood star, made him embarrassed to get help because of the popperatsy (sorry can’t spell)–this is my guess.

    I read something that his Mother had said in a real quick interview (which was really the only interview I had seen online)– she said that by him killing himself he hurt so many people. She had no explaination or suicide note to read–she was just heart broken and had no way of explaining the horrible tragedy. She simply did not want to glorify it. I feel so bad for her expecially with Mother’s Day coming up. I think I was one of the chosen one’s to tell her that Jonathan loves her and misses her and he is truely at peace.

    I also read that they do not have a computer and if they still don’t they might not ever read this. If they did I am nervous of how they would react. Maybe I will try and right a letter or maybe even write in a ture story form. All I know is that the more I type on this message board, the better I feel. I was afraid atfirst, that people would think I was a hipocrit for typing all this because I didn’t really know him. But I can feel some of his pain he felt before he died and I feel him now and feel that he is sending these words through my fingers. He is happy that someone can express for him now his feelings of tenderness for others.
    your welcome!:)
    And Angie I hope that you are at peace as well. I can continue to type if you will to do the same. Maybe we can learn from each other. Just want to tell you that my doctor assure me today that I for sure will not be able to have kids again unless we adopt so it seems we have somethings incommen.
    Where do you live, may I ask? I mentioned that I live in Winona, MN which is the south eastern corner. Do you have any hobbies? I enjoy taking pictures, scrapbbooking, cooking, listening to music, remodeling our over hundred year house and you already know that I like to write. I also love gardening. Just curious……. I know when I’m dreppressed though I feel like I don’t have hobbies and not good at anything, but these are things I generally like to do. Hope to hear back from you and hopefully I can make a little shorter in your return.
    I hope you are a Christian and pray as I do. If you are what is your faith? Not that it matters…just interested.
    Take care,
    Amy

  • angie

    Amy JO-
    It’s good to here back from you.We are really spirital too.I grew up baptist.I have always believed in and loved GOD.I stoped going to chirch when my mother started drinking real bad.Then all of the stuff happend with the preacher.I guess I thought all men are like that.Especially whe he was suppose to be like a grandfather to me.I used to go roller skateing every weekend when I was a teen.I guess I thought I could get away.I dated a guy who I felt real close to who was in a so cald gang.But he always seemed so good to me.I am so glad I have Heath!Although he did think mothers day is tomorow.He bought me a flower home today.(Mandavilla)I like working in my flower beds.I guss the reason He likes things to be just write is because this was his grandparents home. he was very close to them.and lived next door.It,s just family here.I am from Somerville,Al.Alot of people put Al down.Sometimes I can see why.I guess that can be anywhere.Anyway,You asked about my dad.He realy did’nt clam me.He had a high name from a well off famiy.(senater)He had older children they knew about me.I’ve just resently gotten back in touch with.HE died when I was 11.Sowatching Jonathan is all I dreamed about.I realy felt close to him.I have visions too.(iwished of him)My aunt could always seem to know things and do things and now I’m having more visions at night.I wake my husband up screeming.All of my life I’ve had sleep paralyis I don’t Know what to do about it?I can here but can’t talk or move.My Dr.wanted to set me up with a therapist.Do you know if my Insurence will cover?Anyway I feel very blessed and thank God for Heath and Kimberly everyday!I Am also looking forward to decarating our basement.Heath is down there now.We are remodeling that.I am wanting to do one room a safari theme.I’ve gotten the animal print rug and pictures.(elephents tigers etc.)I know this is a site about Jonathan.I know we both truely love him so mabe people can read our storys and not feel alone. Hope to here back.You’re Friend
    Angela

  • angie

    Amy Jo-
    How are you today?Hopefuly well.I have’nt felt really good today.I played outside with Kimberly.I’m still thinking about Jonathan.Our B-day is on the same day and today is a month sence it was here.I’m getting older but I don’t feel like I should be.I’m 26 and I feel like I should still be a teenager.I guess because my childhood was takin.

  • Amy-Jo

    Hey Angie-
    You seem like a really sweet girl. I use to use online chats for moms, but I didn’t really like them because there never seem to be too many that would respond. It seems like we have a lot in common. Yes, I am up probably up even later then you tonight. It’s hard to get to bed early sometimes because there is always so much to do. We hired a contracter to remodel our sons room. New textured walls and ceilings were put up and so our house was in shambles for a little while. We were rearranging our bedrooms, and we got busy organizing and stuff.

    Anyways, I haven’t thought a lot of Jonathon this weekend. Probably because we are so busy and my husband is a round. My husband is great, too. I feel bad that I think of Jonathan sometimes. When I think of him I don’t feel lonely. And when I hear certain songs, I really think of him. Now I really am thinking of him, obviously. My husband just went to bed. My vision of Jonathan seemed so real and I wish I could go back to that moment so I could try and talk to him.

    Well, I know why God wanted me to see his face……so I could find my sense of peace. I have thought of becoming a paraprofessional when my younger boy starts kindergarten. I would love to help middle school or high school girls that have problems with depression. Or I would like to start a Christian organization to help teens in crisis. I know there is probably already something like it in the area, but I am really want to try something better that is inexpensive and fun.

    You know I use to rollerskate a lot when I was kid, too. My sister still does. Actually she’s in Roller Durby in Minneaplis. There is a website, but I can think of the exact address right now. I wish I knew where you lived. I am a nosey gal I guess. I wonder why no one else besides you and I has been on this chat these last few days. Well, I should get to bed. Thanks for responding! I hope we can keep this up because it really feels good chatting with you. I was a little nervous about talking on here before, but am glad that I took a chance.

    Peace to our Angel—Jonathan please continue to watch over us and protect us from any harm, help us be ourselves and may we always follow our Lord Jesus. May we know God and feel him in our Hearts so we can be the BEST MOMS we possibly can!
    And we send a special Happy Mother’s day to Mary, your wonderful Mom. I hope she is ok and knows that you are ok, too!
    Angie-I just felt the urge to throw that in here.
    Someday I will write to her, but in the mean time I need to find the time to write one of the greatest letters ever. Hopefully no one has stollen my writings on this chat. Oh well, I don’t care.
    Talk to you again soon!
    Amy-Jo

  • Amy-Jo

    I remember you saying that you share a birthday with Jonathan–April 13? Very interesting….matching dates are always significant to me. I’m a little superstisious, I guess you could say. Tell me about you visions. So you have sleep paralisis? I can’t even imagine what that would be like. I not real familiar with it. If you could get Blue Cross, Blue Shield it would cover theropy for it, but I guess it depends where you are. Minnesota has medical assistance where you only have to play like 8 dollars a month with nothing else and it covers pretty much anything, but obviously you have to qualify–low income families. Do you have any insurance now? Let me know…..

  • Abigail Stoltzfus

    I just watched the films Ladybugs and Jonathan Brandis immediately caught my eye, he was such a talented and good looking actor. After the film i decided to check out his name on google but to my suprise i found many articles talking of his suicide. Eventhough i was not a huge fan, i felt so sad for his family and how such a talented actor should have to resort to suicide. it’s very upsetting but i do hope to rent some of his films and continue to watch his amazing acting.
    Bless his family, my heart goes out to u!
    abi xxx

  • angie

    Yes I have Blue cross,But it changed this year.We have to pay 20%on certain things.I’ll write back and tell about my visions.Happy Mothers Day!I know it must be so hard for Mary Thinking of Jonathan today!

  • angie

    OK,about my visions.Alot of the time it’s like I see movement.I’m laying in the bed at the time.I sit up and look.Sometimes I pretend not to see it.I always feel like it’s hideing and looking at me.You know how I said we live in the house that Heath’s grandparents did?Well,a few years ago while in the bed I would see a little boy.He was dressed like he was maybe from the early 20′s He had a little hat and knee sox on.He acted like he was wanting to play hide and go seek.He never scared me.I told Heath about it.Later that week i jumped up in the bed and got Heath up and Yelled there is that little boy.He could’nt see him.We were talking to his aunt.Her dad was Heath’s granddad who lived here.I explained him to her and she said thats dad.I said really.So,she had the picture of him as a litte boy dressed just like I had explained.Heath cusin who was real close to him died in a car accident.He lived close to our house too.He died I think in 95?The day after the 4,July and a year or 2 ago it fell exacly on the day it happend Anyway,we had been thinking about him alot that day. His dad is my father-in-law’s twin brother.That A.M at like 3:00 Our door bell rang.Our motion light never came on.No one was there,but before we ever looked I said it’s Tobey.I still think it was him letting us know he was there.

  • Amy-Jo

    Angie-
    Wow! That’s pretty freaky stuff…..did it scare you or are you pretty calm when it happens? We are lucky that we haven’t seen any ghosts considering our house is so old. Have you had any visions of Jonathan? I just had that one and also had feelings of his presence for a few weeks after. I had typed that I didn’t want him hanging around me so much because I was feeling a bit strange. I had this constant urge of really wanting to be face to face with him and talk to him.

    Weird stuff, I know, but true or that’s what I felt. I think I had finally start to mourn for him because I hadn’t really when I found out that he had killed himself years ago. I just shut it out of my mind like a lot of things. Who knows though, I will probably start thinking of him tomorrow more because it’ll be Monday and my husband will have to go back to work of course. I like him as a gardian angel, checking up on me now and then. I just don’t want to be drowned with sorrow and sadness thinking of him.

    My Mother’s Day was pretty good we went out for brunch and then we came home and was going to take a nap and then got the urge to finish up what I had started yesterday. Got all my summer clothes up and packed away my winter stuff. Also, started organizing my scrapbooking stuff. Then watched a couple of my fave movies with my sons–The Wizard of OZ and Ever After with Drew Barrymore.

    Well, I should get to bed earlier tonight and start getting in the habit of it, but I will still make a point to drop a few lines (or page I should say) to you Angie. I would like to hear more about you. Hope you had good Mother’s day, too!
    -Amy-Jo

  • angie

    I need to start getting in the habit too!Kimberly will be srarting school in Aug.That is going to depress me alot!Maybe I can volenteer alot at her school.Talk to you soon.

  • angie

    How is you’re day going Amy-Jo?Mine is going pritty hectic.My moter-in-law called from work and wanted me to track down my father-in-law.He has a logging comp W/his twin.He had to go to his Dr. for more blood work.Ther’re wanting to do a byopsy.They think it might be cancer.Thank god he had a kidney stone So they were able to find this.Heath is the only child and he is close to his parents.I am to.I go to thy’re house almost everyday and cook dinner for them.They are good people.It feel like I have known you forever. Angie

  • Amy-Jo

    Angie-
    I definatelly know the meaning of hectic. Between giving the kids attention and caring for them, my doctor appointments and theirs, my MOPS group, and just taking care of regular household chores I get pretty warn out. I don’t feel like I get enough time with my husband and it makes me sad, but we are going to my friends wedding this Saturady and we got a sitter. I am soo excited! We actually are going on a date. I really wanted to get my hair highlighted, trimmed and go for a quick tanning session (since I am very light complected I didn’t want to look like a ghost in my dress). My hubby says he is not sure if we will have enough money. He has like one of the best jobs in the area so you would think we would be able to afford things like this, but we just have too many bills. I miss not having a job so I could do things like this, but I just get too stressed out. I was babysitting a little girl before I went into the hospital, but her mother and I decided not to have her come here anymore–kind of a bummer (her mom and I were close friend and were starting argue). It’s nice though that I can focus more only on my family and myself. And I still get adult coversation will my MOPS friends. Where do you live? You never did tell me. You don’t have to tell me the exact location just the state. Just wondering because you might have this program in your town, too. It is really fun and it’s easy to make friends in it. It’s basically a Christian support group for mothers.
    That’s cool that you spend a lot of time with your in-laws. We would, but they live 4 1/2 hours away and so we only see them like every other month. We talk on the phone with them often though. We don’t spend much time with my parents and I talk to them a lot less on the phone lately. It’s just easier not being around them because they sometimes have a bad attitude on life and they still drink a lot. I hate seeing them drunk.
    How is your relationship with your mom now? I can’t remember if you told me how she is now…..but I should get going to bed now. Talk to you soon! Suprisingly, I haven’t thought much about Jon, but I still love him and miss him. Peace to him and US!
    –Amy-Jo

  • Amy-Jo

    Angie–just noticed that the time is different on here than my time. It is actually 11:25 so it’s not that late :) I am getting better! Good night and sweet dreams…..

  • angie

    Amy Jo-
    I Live in Someville,Al People put Alabama down alot.I promise there can be alot of weired people I guess thats anywhere.I need to tan too.My mom (aunt) has a tanning bed.She used to have her on salon.She is a nurse.I was a nurse assistant for a couple of years mainly w/seniors
    If I go back to work thats what I want to do.I’ve alway’s loved it and think it is my calling.Anyway,To bad we don’t live close.We have 8 acres of land 2 fishing ponds.Does you’re husband like to fish?We are also getting the pool ready.It’s an above ground one.It’s enough for us.I know what you’re saying about money.I told you we’re remodeling the basement.We’ve been doing that for a while.My husband is real good at wood work.We have a log sidding on our house and garage.He likes to build furniture too.I really don’t hang out with any girlfriends.I had one that I had in school.She was’nt a real friend.Always wanting to be better.Thats not me.I’m always kind hearted to people.She went out clubing all the time and cheated on her husband.I quit talking to her.I appreciate the life I have.Esspecialy after what i’ve been through.My mom will call maybe once a year.I’ve been on zoloft and effexer.Now i have to take hormones sence my hysterectomy.I had Endomereosis.Are you familiar?My aunt had it too in her twentys.She could’nt have kids.But she looks at it as God was wanting her to take care of me.So i’m her daughter and thats how she looks at it.We look just alike too.I guess i’ll go.try to take some time for you’re self.I know it’s hard.

  • Amy-Jo

    Thank you so much for such nice response. I just got a call from my mom and she gave me the guilt trip for not call her back–she’s been calling constant since I’ve been out of the hospital. She didn’t say anything mean just that she was worried.

    I guess her calling triggered some past emotions. I have been trying so hard not to let them bother me, but they still do. My mom had brought up getting help, but of course she hasn’t get. Called my hub and he made me all better again. He just recommended taking time off from them. Also we talked about me righting her a letter saying that I need some space for awhile. I think that is a good idea. I feel as though I don’t really need to talk to them because they just drag me down. I have made a lot of good girl friend including one that is a mentor mom from MOPS and of course I have my own family now.

    I had a lot of wrong friends in the past, too. All they wanted to do was go out to the bars and get drunk–we don’t really have clubs (Winona is a small city of about 27,000 people, but lots of bars and maybe more bars than churches). I have very trust worthy friend’s that I made just this last year and it feels good.

    Well, gotta go get sons urine checked again because he’s been holding it too much–may have an infection—fun!
    Talk again soon. I felt even better when I saw your comments.
    –Amy

  • angie

    Hey Amy Jo-
    I just talked to my aunt.My mother paid her a visit.She always has negative things about me.I’m the one thats got a great husband,my own home,and a beutiful daughter.I think she wanted me to fail in life.My aunt said she told her how proud she is of me.How was you’re day?Hopefuly good pray for me!

  • Amy-Jo

    Angie-
    Sorry about your mother. My mom is critical, rude and doesn’t listen to the truth either. I got so upset one day remembering some past issues I had with her that I wrote a letter telling her that she can be rude and disrespectful. I didn’t get everything out that I wanted to. I will probably write one to her and my Dad. I am going to ask bluntly why they drink so much and just let them know that they hurt me so.

    I don’t even care if I hurt there feelings. I need some kind of closure for my self. It’s easy just to ignore them and not return phone calls, but there are just things that need to be said. I have come to relization that I am not horrible if I tell them how I feel or feel like I am breaking one of the commandments. God has reassured me that it is not disrespect against them, but it is what needs to be done in order to make things right so I can feel good and get on with my life.
    Have you talked to your mom or written her letter telling her your feelings? Just a suggestion. My therapist says it would be a good idea for me to. Gotta go! Peace be with you my friend. And I surely with pray for you!
    –Amy-Jo
    P.S. Isn’t it fricken hard to focus on life sometimes when we have such horrible role models for mom’s. Life gets better though and we just learn from their mistakes. We must continue to look to God for strength.

  • Amy-Jo

    I suppose I was a bit harsh to call my mom horrible because she does have her moments. I know she really does love me even though she can’t say it out loud. I just want to be a good daughter and Mother. I don’t want to take revenge, just want to have a good relationship with her like so many others I know. My sister sticks up for our mom all the time and I know she has a right for her opinion, but she doesn’t understand what I went through. I am 2 1/2 years older than her and so I was the one that my mother leaned on. I had to put up with her crying and depression over and over again.

    Though she pushed some depression onto me, I feel that I am okay now. I feel stronger and hopeful for myself. I hope and pray that you are able to look past your mother’s problems as well. Just remember that you are your own person and she has no control because you are an adult and have your family to worry about. Well, sorry I don’t have more words of wisdom for you because I really kind of know how you feel and wish I could be there to be a good friend to you; to help forget those memories of past pains. Sometimes, we just get to a point in our lifes where we just learn to let go.
    (Jonathan if you are listening, please comfort us when we feel bits of loneliness and remind us that life has a point and we just need to keep on living it!)
    Lord, Jesus Christ, thank you for answering my prayers. Please listen to Angie as she cries out for strength and Glory. May she be free and calmed of troubles.
    —–Take Care, Angie, And God Bless You!
    Love,
    Amy-Jo

  • angie

    Amy Jo-
    My mother is always so sweet to others and was always makeing jokes with my friends.Most of the time she was drunk.I was so ashamed of her.I’ts like she would go out of her way to be nice to everyone else.Kimberly doen’t realy connect w/her.I ask her why she is like that and she tells me you are sad when she’s around.If I tried to write her a letter like you said she would make a joke about it.If I bring up the past and what she let happen to me she denies it and says it’s in the past.It is but I don’t think she understands the strain it puts on my marriage.She also thinks of my aunt as my mom But wants everyone to feel sorry for her.My brother is 30 and has a wife,my mom lives w/ them and does’nt work.Sence” she says she quit drinking”Everything else is wrong with her.She controls my bros life and his wife.She’s done him this way so long he can’t function w/out her.It’s sad.She used to treaten suicide all of the time and scare us so bad when we were yonger.I had another vision the other night.I had just gotten into bed and turned to our bathroom and the hole bathroom was red.?Last night I saw like a cluster of little white balls floteing in the air.I hope to you write soon.We love you Jonathan!!!
    Your Friend’
    Angie

  • Amy-Jo

    Angie-
    Yeah, I can understand why you wouldn’t wanna write her a letter. I have written a letter to my parents about how I hate the fact that they drink, but have been afraid to send it to them. I am going to reread it again and have my husband read it, too. I will probably give the letter to them. I wrote a lot of stuff on it pretty much letting them what they have caused and it ended being a 4 page typed letter. I guess if they get mad about it then I can deal with it. I just need them to know how much they hurt me so I can get on with my life. Either they will respect my feelings and try to change or they will be really get angry and not want to talk to me. I’ve hardly talk to them in the last couple of months so I guess I would just be use to it anyway.

    My sister always sticks up for them and says that they are getting better, but I know she is full of crap. She’s gotten to be a big drinker herself as well as my younger bother. My older bother ran away from home when he was 17 and we didn’t hear from him for like a year. He got really heavy in drugs and alcohol and was even was homeless in Minneaplis for a while. Fortunatly, he met a really nice girl about 5 years ago, got married, has a daughter (who is actually my Goddaughter) and his wife is due in June with a boy. For dropping out of school, he is actually doing very well financally. He manages a pretty popular Italian restaraunt and is in a successful rock band.

    By brother who is 31 now use to stick up for them, too, until my parents started to seem too drunk at get togethers and often when my brother and his wife would invite them to come for birthdays or other things they would turn them down. It’s like their being with other alcholic friends and drinking his more important to them. My brother rarely drinks now because he doesn’t want to end up like them.

    I totally see my sister going down my parents same path. Her boyfriend of 29 is already an alcholic. He’s nice, but just drinks too much. My 21 year old bother and his girlfriend drink when ever they get a chance. He was getting really stressed out with work so he went on antidepressants again, but it doesn’t help that he drinks when ever he can.

    I just feel like my is family headed for disaster. My mom’s extended family are all alcees, too. I am so glad that I have learned that drinking gets me no where. It just gets in the way of dreams. I have so many goals now and am looking forward to fulfilling them.

    I think you are doing the best thing for yourself and just avoided your mom and dad. That was what my doctor told me to do along time ago and I just ignored her because I thought I would miss them too much. It actually feels good to have this space. They really love the grandkids and have a special contection with my older son so I hope and pray they can really try to change. I really can’t expect that because they stubborn old mules so I actually expect the worst.
    Angie–it’s weird, but I feel like I really know you, too. I wish we lived in the same area and we could solve the world problems together. I guess this will have to be good enough, though. Maybe we could get each others email. I don’t know how smart it is to put our emails on here so openly, but I will ask my husband. He using the net all the time and would know if it’s bad or not.

    I trust you though. I feel as though you could be a long lost sister. We both went through many hard times as children. My mom often threatened suicide, too. I even had to help her one time when she was in the bathtub, drunk and she had cut her self with razor and I had to help out of the tub and clean her wounds and all the blood on the floor and tub. I think I was about ten and I was horrified me. Sometimes she would even wake me up from a dead sleep crying and then begged me to call my dad at a bar ask him to come home. When she would do this she would battle with the idea of packing us up and got to a motel. She would often get all us kids awoken and have us pack our suitcases, then get our coats on and ready to leave. Just as we started walking out the door, she say “Oh, I can’t do this to kids.” after arguing with her that we didn’t want to go.

    I had some sad times just like you. I hope we can be brave and conquer. And accomplish the most important goals–being a good role model for our children. How old is you daughter again? I bet she is beautiful and growing wonderfully. You seem very sweet and spiritual. May you continue in the Lords way! And we must not forget our hero Jonathan who got us through difficult times through our teanage years. Hope you can respond soon. I have been going to bed earlier now. About 10:30 I try and am shooting for even earlier tonight so I can get up ealier.
    Take care!
    -Amy-Jo
    Just talked to my husband and he said it is ok to give you my email address…..Here it is—-
    But just read the red words and says we aren’t suppose to include email addresses, Shoot!
    There is gotta be a away to give it to you. Maybe some way we could meet on another sight that allows it. I will talk to my hubby about it.

  • angie

    Amy Jo-
    I have been talking to my husband too!He was not so sure about us talking at first but I told him about what we talk about and he is ok.He was thinking about all the bad things that go on with the net.I know it’s true alot of bad thinggs happen.I do feel really close to you and wish we had each others e-mail address.I pray all the time that I’m a good role model for Kimberly.She is 5.She is going to start school in Aug.It’s going to be lonely.My blood preasure has gotten realy high lately it runs in the family.Thats what my dad died from.He had a massive heart attack.He didn’t claim me.I think i’ve already told that.I have a half bro who had open heart surgery at 30.My grand mother had heart failer and died too.I have been known to drink a glass of wine or two.I do not and don’t ever want to be like my mom and stay drunk.She can’t recall half of her life.Well i’m going to bed.Talk to you soon. Love’Angie

  • Amy-Jo

    Angie-
    I use to have high blood pressure, too, before I had my heart surgery 3 years ago and I had to take pills. Since my surgery I have been pretty healthy physically, even though it took almost a year to recover. I eat well, I take lots of walks and I don’t drink. I use to drink occaisionaly before I got pregnant with my second son and drank quite a bit before I found out that I was pregnant with my first. My son is five also and is starting kindergarten at the end of August as well. I use to like white wine a lot and actually to this day wouldn’t mind having just a glass, but I know my restrictions.

    Everytime I get my blood pressure checked it ends up being very normal. It surprising me a little because even though I tried to very hard to stay healthy, I thought all my stress before would cause it to go up. I am fortunate I suppose because I do not have to worry about that anymore or at least not for awhile as long as I keep staying active and eat well.

    Well, I would love to be able to talk to you on the phone or at least through email. I have instant messenger and if you had it would nice to chat that way. Like I said we could try to meet on another website. There a few chat rooms that I use to use and I think I am still a member on one of them. It’s called IT’S CHAT TIME, but I think it’s a lot of older women. We can try to find a good one that might even interest us. I will do a little research this weekend and let you know or vise versa if you know any. You are a nice person and I am glad I met you on this.

    I was thinking about your vision. I believe most dreams and visions really have a huge meaning. Colors often signal a sign. I think red means to be causious and I think the white specks probably mean purity in your life and you need to protect you and your family from something bad. I would guess that you need to stay free from your mother and stand guard. Was there anything else in your vision?
    A dream I had after I was with my parents at a wedding last weekend was really scary. They had taken me to a house and back in time. They said I could never be with my boys and my husband again. They said they never existed. I was in this room with old dirty toys and I couldn’t move. Then they brought me into a closet and said that I must revert back to the Lutheran religion and no longer pray to my Pratron of Saint (Elizabeth). It was very startling and have worse ones with them in it, I will tell you later. I gotta go watch a movie with my husband now. Have a good night and try to stay or get healthy. It would be nice to meet you someday. I won’t try to tell you what you should do to lower your blood pressure because you probably alread know. I will just pray for you! Goodnight!
    -Amy jo

  • Amy-Jo

    Angie-
    I found christian penpals website. It’s christianpenpals.com. I had to type in a few brief things of info and then had to type some stuff about me. You know me it’s somewhat long and I think it’s all stuff that you already know about me so I don’t why I bothered with so much. From there you can email me. This might attract other people to email me, but really the whole point was to be able to chat with you through email. I picked moms as my catigory so I assume you would want to do the same if you are interested or feel like going onto this website. It would be fun because we could get to know each other more.

    I don’t know if you would even have to enter in all that I did. You could just look for my name under the newest members. That would be cool if you could check it out.

    Well, hope you are have a good memorial day weekend. I know I am. I actually got to take a nap today so it has been a very relaxing day. Tomorrow I will plant.
    Take care and peace be with you and your family!
    -Amy Jo

  • Amy-Jo

    Angie-
    Just a quick note, too. My bio/information will probably not be up for 24 hours, maybe less and there is another column to go under–Ladies 20-30 (it will probrably be easy to find me once I’m registered on and this seems very safe considering it’s a Christian site).
    I’m excited!
    -Amy Jo

  • Amy-Jo

    ok, I’m dumb.
    I removed my info because it actually cost money. $24 up front which isn’t actually that much because that means its only like 2 dollors a month, but I didn’t want to pay that. I will find a free chat or penpal site maybe tomorrow night. Sorry. It didn’t say when entered in that it cost money. It was in the small print which I am good at looking past.
    Hope to hear from you soon, anyway, on this site.
    -Amy

  • angie

    Amy Jo-
    To bad about that web site.Hopefuly we can find one.I hope you have a great weekend.My husband gets to be off till Tues.I planted some banana trees by the pool.They look alittle bad.Mabey they will perk up soon.My husband likes that I have someone with so much in common.Even somethings you say sounds like me and I don’t want to say anything about it because it would sound like I’m just going along with you.But it’s true we sound so much alike.Talk to you soon.
    Love,Anela

  • angie

    I spelled my name wrong oops!

  • Someone

    Would Ms Amy-Jo and Ms Angie please just exchange email addresses and have their chats over there? I don’t think it’s nice to clog up the comment page this way when this place is for comments relating to JB’s passing. People wants to read about JB and only that here. Thank you.

  • angie

    Excuse us Someone,
    We would’nt have met if we were not shareing our storys about Jonathan and our past.We thought that they might help some miss gidded people.You do not have to read our story’s.

  • Amy-Jo

    Dear Ms. or Mr. Someone,
    In our defense, just to add–We would love to share our emails, but since this is a protected sight, we are not aloud to put up our email addresses out in the open. We are trying to get on another website that would allow us to do so.
    I feel that Jonathan would be happy that we have found each other because we share similar backgrounds and feelings. Thanks to him and this website we have found a friend…..and I see no harm in that. That is too bad that you are so negative about this. Hopefully, we will soon be able to exchange addresses and not “CLOG” your website. We love Jonathan and we treasure him so, in a way, that we let part of him live in our hearts. think as you may…

  • Amy-Jo

    What Angie had said, that we thought maybe our example would help other miss guided people, is very true. We do not mean to interrupt or bore other people of our stories because we only mean to do good. There are probably many others that read the sight to read not only of Jonathan, but of the people that cared for him. Maybe some depressed young women come on the sight and reads our stories in interest, and takes it as an example to bring into their own lives. We the ones whom have suffered severe depression, but were able to overcome the battles and not go the path that Jonathan took, makes us tools and instruments into helping others. Angie– we are strong and so it is our duty to share our Peace and Love to others who need need it. God gives us the power to share His word–don’t ever let anyone ever change our Will! Past this sight, we for sure will be survivers and messangers of the Lord.
    I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10
    Your friend,
    Amy-Jo

  • angie

    Amy Jo-
    We could have easily taken the wrong road in life.Although we are very blessed now we still battle depression.That is hard to deal w/ and some people odviously don’t know thatit helps talking about it.If we didn’t care about Jonathan so much we would have never met on this site.I am proud I met you Amy Jo and hope to keep up the great conversations.We will defanitly pray for the people that always look for something negative to say.
    Love Angie

  • R. Garcia

    I suggest that you both go to jonathanbrandis.org, join th Forum, and there you can exchange personal e-mail addresses, or just PM’s. I personally found the interchange to be interesting and informative… but that’s just me.

  • *K

    I was browing on the internet and found tyhis web site. I wasn’t friends with him personaly , but have meet him 2 times through my own friends. And I see all these somments and theres so many its amazing to see so many heart brokin fans. As many have said the reason for him taking his own life with out leaving a note of any kind explaining why was very strange. And even 3 years later people still leave comments about how much they miss there favorite actor is such a sign of pure love. Personaly meeting him those few times was enough to know what a great person he was. And it shocked me when I found out about his death Nov.15 I had gotton a phone call about it , and I was realy shocked and remembered the last thing I said to him. It was only a month before and he seemed fine. I would have never thought he was in suck a state to end his own life. And to this day I still see shows on him and watch E child star remembrence shows and I cry every time remembering such a great person. I hope he is happy in the better place he is in now. And I hope I still see more comments from all his loving fans. And even though alot of us think he didnt kill himself , he sadly did take his opwn life. People need to take a clsoer look into the story and reports. They explain every thing , but the reason WHY. For that we’ll nevver know. But we can know that he loved every single one of his fans and wouldn’t want them to be upset. But to remember all of his work.

  • angie

    Amy Jo-
    I see you and i registered on the site that R.Garcia told us about.I hope to be chating with you soon.Thank you R. Garcia!

  • Amy-Jo

    Yes, thank you R. Garcia! Seems like a great sight. Bless all of you who love Jonathan, always remember that he is watching over all of us with happiness! Take care. And Angie– I will for sure meet you later on the other site.–Amy

  • Amy-Jo

    I seem to be on the memberlist,but I am unable to log-in. I read through some stuff and tried to figure out what I did wrong. Drina I believe is the admistrator and is a part of this sight as well. R. Garcia or Drina what should I do? Should I just reregister? Maybe they would not except me because I have written too much on this sight. It looked like it worked for Angie though, but I understand she used fewer words. Please let me know, otherwise, I will be on my way if you all wish. Just remember, I am lover–not a hater.

  • angie

    Amy Jo-
    It took me a little while to figure it out too!I Registered and then I Sent you a p.m.I think I done it all right.Everyone is real nice on the site and we should fit in well.I hope you figure it out soon so we can communicate.
    Love,
    Angie

  • angie

    I’m going to send a pm to R.Garcia and ask himto come to this site and talk you trough it.He said that he seen we had registered and welcomed us.I’ll hopefully talk to you later.
    Love,
    Angie

  • Amy-Jo

    That would be great Angie! I just assumed that they did not really want me on since I was unable to join and I did not know how to contact an admistrator because every time I tried to get into someone to ask a question I was required to log-on which didn’t make sense. I kind of feel stupid. Hopefully R. Garcia will help. Thanks Angie.
    -Amy Jo

  • angie

    Amy Jo-
    R Garcia says it’s been a while for him.He did tell me some steps that might help.after you fill out everything then create your profile& password.Remember to click on log in eaverytime.(at toop)He says some anti pop up programs will not let the page come up.When this happend to him He would push the ctrl button.He also told me to ask some of the other people that might know about it.Keep playing around it worked for me and thats saying alot! Angie

  • Amy-Jo

    Angie-
    I tried to send an email to Drina–I had found a place on the homepage that I thought would let me send her a message, but my email came to me saying that the delivery message status was delayed. My thought was that she just as a ton of emails and can’t get to mine right away or she is just disregarding it–I don’t know. I am just really frustrating. It is annoying that it is so complicated for me. I have been playing around a lot with it. It kind of sounds like you said I should reregister because that is what I would have to do if your talking about creating my profile which I already did. But maybe I will just try doing so again because I have tried logging in everytime and it says something that my password is incorrect and then sometimes my email is incorrect. I thought I typed every thing accurate in my registry. I’ll see what I do again! wish me luck….