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Joe Borowski: A Fable

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Imagine, if you will, that you have a sizable fortune. (If this particular fantasy exercise is unfamiliar to you, then you already have a sizable fortune. Proceed as normal through this hypothetical.)

On a whim, you hire the best fishing boat in the Gulf of Mexico for an afternoon. You staff this boat with the best fishing boat captain in the entire Gulf and order him to steer the boat to the most fertile Gulf waters for the catching of the biggest and best Spanish mackerel, for you are whimming and thought this particular fish sounded perfectly ridiculous and wonderful.

Before the boat leaves dock, you direct the crew of this vessel to install the brand and model of equipment used by the most successful Spanish mackerel angler in the entire Gulf. This angler will then be scooped up by helicopter and brought to the dock to supervise the installation and confer with the boat captain to determine the best course of action that day to catch the most and best Spanish mackerel available.

When the weather is perfect, the waters ideal, and the staff ready, one more object is loaded and the boat takes off from shore. Once in place, the final preparations are completed both above and below deck. One sailor is assigned to gather the final object to bring above deck and put into position.

The angler and boat captain greet the final piece to the puzzle as she reaches the top of the ship: LaTeesha Gray, a proud member of Mrs. Janesh’s fifth-grade class from Springville, Alabama. She’s never been on a boat before, much less been fishing. She’s very excited to be there and a little nervous about being on the ocean for the first time. The angler and captain kindly lead her to her station.

She’s handed a fishing pole (already baited) and given a few pointers by the angler on how to throw the line and reel it in. After a few early mistakes and giggles all around, she finally gets in the rhythm of the sport and her smile is as broad as the boat’s side.

After a few hours, she’s proudly gathered in a few Spanish mackerel, a mild case of seasickness, and a couple scrapes from the amateur’s fumbling with the pole and fish. She couldn’t be more pleased with her catch; her mother will be even more excited upon her safe return.

Sure, the boat captain or the angler or… hell, probably all of the sailors on board would have done better that day, but she sure came through in the end. Isn’t she a plucky little girl, willing to try under pressure? Everyone is very proud of her and happy to have had her on board. And she didn’t fall out of the boat or anything!

Indians fans, please enjoy Joe Borowski during Game Seven tonight.

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  • Travis Hafner waits for the fisherman to catch the fish, then he mauls the fisherman. But he always pulls the fisherman, even if he’s outside. Then again fisherman are always outside when fishing. This metaphor’s Borowski-ing. Mayday! Mayday! Finally … third out.

  • REMF

    Does anyone else think they’re making way too big a deal re the Indians’ third base coach holding Lofton? Even had he scored, the next batter doubled up.

    OK, so Cleveland loses 11-3 instead of 11-2…

  • Martin Lav

    No REMF, I’ve personally coached and played on teams where similar circumstances were the catalyst of our winning the game.

    – Dave Nalle

  • REMF

    And I’ve also personally coached and played on teams where similar circumstances didn’t mean shit in the game’s outcome.