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Janet Jackson’s Titty for President

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Janet Jackson’s right breast has taken over the world- it’s all anyone is talking about. It’s like Godzilla crushing towns in its wake. At Blogcritics, for instance, we went from a typical healthy 8K daily visits to over 250,000 unique visits on Monday. There’s no fighting the power of Jackson’s tit.

If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. I say we milk this thing for all it’s worth.

OK fine, the head of Pakistan’s nuclear program has admitted that he’s been handing off nuclear secrets to Iran and North Korea for years. BORING.

America wants to know what Janet Jackson’s titty thinks about Pakistan’s nuclear program. Does her nipple shield have any opinion about the presidential election?

I have an idea: Let’s cut the crap and run Janet Jackson’s right titty for president. I’m hereby declaring the Janet Jackson’s Titty for President committee. It’ll surely be more interesting than that professional husband John Kerry.

We’ve already got a campaign song recorded. RIGHT CLICK, SAVE AS…

Thinking ahead to what opposition research at the Bush campaign will be doing, there will inevitably be questions about the authenticity of The Tit. Is it real? If it’s an implant, how would that effect its chance in the election?

Would the FCC still have a complaint if it turns out to be made of the same stuff as her brother’s face? Is it illegal to show silicone on teevee?

Further, we must have answers about corporate involvement with The Tit: What did the president of CBS know, and when did he know it?

The Tit will need spin doctors, make-up artists, consultants. We’ll save money on wardrobe, though.

What will The Tit’s policy be on immigration, health care, the war on terror? What will The Tit do about global warming?

We’ll have to get back to you on that. The Tit will have a policy statement when it is ready. Narrow policy proposals are far less important than the bigger issues of character and charisma.

We’ve definitely got to make it known that The Tit has family values. Apparently some folks were actually offended by The Tit, and upset that their children saw it on the Super Bowl.

They’ve got The Tit all wrong. The Tit loves children. Suffer the little children come unto The Tit.

Friends, countrymen, patriots- I say it’s time we elect a tit for president. It’ll do a better job than the boob we’ve got now.

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  • Doc

    But Al darling, we *already* have the world’s biggest boob in that office now!

    And what, no comments about the flag desecration by kid rock? Guess that only applies if hippies burn it instead of trashy b-celebrities who did USO shows wear is a poncho.

  • http://www.morethings.com/log Al Barger

    Doc honey- why would you think I would even be mildly offended by Kid Rock wrapping himself in a flag? One, it’s just a piece of cloth. Two, he was absolutely NOT being disrespectful.

    Yes, it absolutely makes a difference what you’re doing with a flag. I’m not big on flag burning, but it’s not some holy relic to be worshiped like Jesus on a cross.

    Now if some jackass is purely burning a flagging, stomping it on the ground, hollering about America being evil- then I’d think they were assholes. This would not be, however, because of some contrived religious offense against a symbol. It would be because of the actual dumb content of what they said.

    Also, you seem to have locked into some kind of “conservative” stereotypes here which broadly don’t apply. In life, I’ve been more often taken for a dirty, smelly hippy than anything the opposite. I blend in socially with punk rockers and Deadhead hemp activists generally much better than with ROTC types- though I’ve certainly gained rather more appreciation for their contributions in recent years.

  • ron

    i think that was just another jackson trying to expose itself to children

  • james iriah

    I really like the way things are said.It is a good thnig to hear of our idol just as it is.

    Keep it up.

    James

  • http://www.morethings.com/log Al Barger

    Thank you for your kind words James.