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It Doesn’t Feel Like Home, Anymore.

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So it looks like John Kerry has sewn up the Democratic nomination. Here is my moment to be honest before we get back to the task at hand: Ousting Bush.

I am not fond of John Kerry. I would have rather seen Edwards get it. It’s going to be interesting to see who he is going to pick as VP. I’m not terribly fond of Kerry because I don’t think he’s really going to put the quash on big business and their Washington lobbyists. I don’t think he sees the “little guy.”

Basically, he looks like more of the same and being an independent, this isn’t what I want in the leader of the US.

That being said, I would rather see what he might do than to endure 4 more years of Bush.

So, I am not making a formal endorsement yet. I still am for the man who can beat Bush. Kerry is not in the “agrees with me” category but it looks like this is what I’ve got to throw at Bush and Bush in my world is an evil man that must be stopped!

I mean, did anyone check out how many jobs were created last month? Is anyone else out there hurting like I am?

On second thought, don’t answer that. I already know that answer.

Still, I know that if it does end up four more years of Bush, what European is willing to marry me so I can get out for a few years? I can’t watch anymore of the Christian right gain control of the US. I swear, with The Passion getting as much market share as it got, I am shocked and in horror.

Then again, when times are bad, one either finds religion or completely loses faith. Things go to wild extremes when things are not in balance. The problem is that a lot of us cannot hold on by our fingertips when the world keeps swinging madly.

It all seems so surreal.

Case in point:

When I left for O’Hare last week, I took the Blue Line (“L” train) to get there. Now at the station while waiting for the train, there used to always be this street performer who dresses as Prince and would sing prince songs on his keyboard. He was such a trip!

Not this time.

This time, there was some Mexican guy singing songs in Spanish and when he was bantering in between songs, he was speaking in Spanish. No English. I looked at the lot waiting for the next train … we were of all colors – some blacks, some whites, some Asians, some Latinos. Still, here was this guy doing the Spanish thing. I felt like I was in a Mexican restaurant except it was a dirty “L” platform. To me, he wasn’t nearly as amusing as the Prince guy who used to be there. I felt sad. But as I said, culture changes, merges, migrates … and the American culture that I knew when I was younger is gone and will not come back ever again. What is occurring now is this “Spanglish” culture that is migrating from the big urban centers. When I was looking for some linguistics books for Germanic languages a few weeks ago, I found a whole section on Spanglish. Needless to say, I was a bit surprised.

When I came back home and got off the Airplane to go through customs, the very first words I heard in the US were Slavic in nature. It was the guys who had the wheelchairs waiting for the disabled passengers to take them to their gate assignments.

I don’t know … I like how the UK forces everyone to speak English in professional, public positions. I KNOW I am in the UK when I am in the UK.

For a moment here in the US, I wasn’t sure that I was actually in the US, until I saw the American flag and the flag for the City of Chicago.

Then for a moment, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be in the US at all. It feels less and less like home every time I come back. It feels more and more hostile in general.

I want things to feel like warm apple pie and corn dogs on the 4th of July. Of happy people who see the potential in everything.

Right now, it feels like an alien, cold, bitter, dusty place, full of mistrust and worry, worry, worry.

Right now, I’d jump at the first job that would make me have to work in Europe for a long time …

I guess I am saying that I just don’t feel comfortable or welcomed here anymore. It seems there is no place for free thinking, independent, non-Christian, educated, open minded, non Caucasian women in the US unless they are in the Entertainment industry. And even then … go too far and you are hated.

It didn’t feel like this 5 years ago. 5 years ago, I was much happier than I am now. 5 years ago, I felt like the sky is the limit.

Now I feel …

Like everything is pointless.

Like this isn’t my home anymore.

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About Tek

  • Shark

    MsTek, while I sympathize with your situation (as much is possible for a white man), I’m in the most unemployable demographics in the nation:

    White educated male over 50.

    (Personal Anecdote Warning)

    And based on my 30-odd years of personal experience in marketing, sales, advertising, and media, (my ex-fields of expertise) the most desirable employee profile is the educated African-American female. Couldn’t have a better ‘resume’ with most of the companies I dealt with.

  • Shark

    MsTek, I don’t think those lines were racist; my point was that a detailed, psychological deconstruction COULD draw such a conclusion. Unfairly, possibly, but it’s there.

    With my musical taste, I probably would have said the following, which aren’t explicitly racist, either:

    “…some black guy who dresses as Prince and sings in Ebonics.”

    – versus –

    “…a Mexican artist singing beautiful songs, and between songs, speaking in a lyrical, musical, romantic Spanish dialect.”


    “Still, here was this guy doing the androgynous pop-soul thing. I felt like I was in a Minstrel show at a disco lounge…”


  • Joe

    That’s BS about the tatoos, I’ve been out of the service for a couple of years but I seem to remember plenty of ladies with body art, granted not in Yakuza like quantities, but still. I’d try the CIA, they might surprise you. Additionally the FBI is hurting for skilled people in support positions, those aren’t special agent jobs, but they’re still pretty good. Anyway, good luck and keep your chin up.

  • 1) Too old for all branches save for the Navy unless I was clergy, a doctor, or a lawyer.
    2) Navy told me they would let me in as an E-5 but would not let me go to officer school because I have “too many tattoos for a woman”. They made me take an exam and I scored super high on everything. The recruiter even contacted command up at Ft. Sheridan to get a waver for me. They kept saying… “tattoos on her”, yet if I were a male it would have been okay. I wasn’t going to go in and take less money. I have a college degree. That cost me a pretty penny, I expect to be paid in kind. Esp when I was told that if I had been a male, I wouldn’t of had a hard time getting the waver.
    3) I won’t take a bullet for Bush. For the US Constitution which I believe in, no problem.

    Personally, I want to work for the CIA but I’m not conservative enough in character, I suspect.

    I also wanted to be an Air Marshal, but there are no openings.

    Right now, I think that working for BP would be cool. Or any company that would station me in Europe and would require me to do some physical activity as well as mental. Working on systems on an oil rig or at an airport would be cool. Something that would make me have to use the other languages I know so that I got better at them.

    I’m EXCELLENT when it comes to mediating between people who work in different countries and I enjoy it. To be good at doing this, you need to understand the cultures and business practices of all the countries involved to get them to really work together. It can be really frustrating but totally rewarding when you see things finally go smoothly without complaints “Those Americans, those Germans, those Taiwanese”. That has to of been he most rewarding thing I have ever done.

  • Joe

    Ms. Tek-
    In a rare instance where I’m not being a smartass, I have to ask, have you considered joining the military? Seriously, there are a lot of opportunities for people with technical skills.

  • …It seems there is no place for free thinking, independent, non-Christian, educated, open minded, non Caucasian women…”

    Why is it important to trot out one’s “race” in this context?

    Read the whole passage, Shark. It makes a HUGE importance in this context. Being bi-racial hurts me in some job and social contexts. Refusing to be classed when people want to do that is very hard.

    Then again, I wouldn’t expect a pure white male or female to understand what it is like to be the only non-white, only female, working in the technology department in a mostly male industry.

    It makes a big difference in this context as that US has gone back in progress over the last 5 years. Divisions are here again. That is what happens when times are bad.

    If times were not as bad as they were pre-Nazi Germany, do you think what happened after-wards would have happened? I don’t.

    And yes, If I were a white male, I do think I would have an easier time to get a job right now than being a non-white, non-black female. I’ve always had to work twice as hard to prove myself… and even then have been insulted to my face. Sorry, but a white man may sympathies but can NEVER understand what that is like. NEVER.

    And please stop lumping Mac Diva and I together. We have very different points of views on things. She does happen to be correct on a lot of things she says about what minorities have to put up with. But there are also times when I don’t agree with her.

    If I had my way, everyone would be color and gender blind. But I don’t have my way, so I try to work around it and note when I see a problem.

  • Shark, please excuse me but how is that seen as racist?

    “…some Mexican guy singing songs in Spanish and when he was bantering in between songs”


    “Still, here was this guy doing the Spanish thing. I felt like I was in a Mexican restaurant…”

    Here in Chicago, almost EVERY Mexican restaurant has either a jukebox or an actual band that plays. Since I was born here, when I hear that kind of music, I think of a Mexican restaurant. In Chicago, it is NOT common to have waltzing mariachi bands out of the blue. I don’t associate that with something being “American”

    “…street performer who dresses as Prince and would sing prince songs on his keyboard. He was such a trip!”

    Yeah, that might be racist… Since saying that some dude who draws on a pencil mustache and wears a purple blouse and has a nasty jerri curl in his hair along with high heels and dancing about to 1999 with his keyboard in the “L” station is more entertaining.

    If Al Barger or Bux had made those statements, I would not have cared. They don’t seem racist to me. They are also NOT PUTTING DOWN ANYONE.

    There isn’t a single derogatory statement nor comparison. No one is being compared with an animal, being called stupid, or less than the other. I stated that something WAS more entertaining however. Sorry, Prince dude wins hands down. That is part of my culture. Some guy singing song in a language I don’t understand who looks normal is about as interesting as the “blind” guy with the fake “seeing eye dog” who sings beatles tunes on the red line. BOOOOORING.

  • Shark

    …It seems there is no place for free thinking, independent, non-Christian, educated, open minded, non Caucasian women…”

    Why is it important to trot out one’s “race” in this context?

    MD does the same thing: she constantly harps on the “racists” –one figures she longs for a race-consciousless [sic]-society, yet immediately identifies herself as a ‘mixed race’, black, and or native american in every other post.

    Shark – a free thinking, independent, non-Christian, educated, open minded, “White” guy whose ancestors were traveling salesmen of quetionable mixed breeding

  • Shark

    “…street performer who dresses as Prince and would sing prince songs on his keyboard. He was such a trip!”

    – versus –

    “…some Mexican guy singing songs in Spanish and when he was bantering in between songs”


    “Still, here was this guy doing the Spanish thing. I felt like I was in a Mexican restaurant…”

    (Shark wondering where MacDiva is.)

    Ms. Tek, I want to make it clear I’m not saying you are racist, but if Al Barger or Tom Bux et al had written the above sentences, they’d have been verbally beaten up for their “racism”.

    Question for the general Blogcritics readership: Double standards? Are folks too quick to yell ‘racist’?

    My point is that tossing out the ‘racist’ label in this forum is usually pretty non-productive, and in a lot of cases, highly unfair.

    My two cents.

    PS: Vallerio Longoria LIVES!

  • 1) Apple Pie and Corn Dogs are not racist. Since when is food racist?

    2) Learn Spanglish? I have a novel idea, why doesn’t everyone learn ENGLISH. If I were to move to Germany, Holland, the UK, France, Sweden, Norway, etc… I would be required to learn the language. That would not mean that I could not speak English among my friends or in my home. It would mean however that when I go through a drive through window, I am not expected to speak a language I don’t know and have no interest in to get my items.

    I speak English and German. I also understand some Dutch… So I do learn languages. I refuse to learn Spanish. Until people here learn to speak ENGLISH, I am not going to speak spanish to help them out.

    There is NOTHING wrong with diversity but you MUST have a common denominator so that everyone can communicate. One of the important tools of communication is language. Wear whatever you like, speak however you like at home or with friends, but when addressing me here in the USA, you MUST speak English if you are working in public. PERIOD.

    Want to save in some government spending? Stop printing forms in Spanish and English. Just ENGLISH.

  • Dan

    Sounds as if you are not fully appreciative of the wonderful diversity Chicago is increasingly being blessed with.

    A white guy expressing your sentiments would be told to quit being whiney and fearful and to embrace the cultural enrichment that inclusiveness brings.

    “warm apple pie and corn dogs on the 4th of July.”? Forget those holdovers from a racist past. Learn Spanglish. Celebrate Cinco De’mayo!

    Remember, diversity is strength.

  • Tom

    Sorry to hear about your bad times, but bad times don’t necessarily come because of the President. I was unemployed most of the time from 1998-2000. I had several jobs, all didn’t pan out. I didn’t blame Clinton, or necessarily credit Bush when I started doing better.

    When I first graduated College in 1998, I entered what I thought was my chosen professoin, only to find out it really wasn’t for me, so I changed career paths entirely, and now am doing very well and am much happier. Sometimes the path you think is the correct one, is one which takes you in the wrong direction.

    Keep trying. Don’t expect to be in a perfect situtation right away. Many of the wealthiest and best wll off Americans didn’t start that way, they worked from the ground up.

    Good luck.