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Is This Love Real? Cancer Dating Virgo: Astrology-based Advice

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cancer enidHi Elsa,

I’ve been dating a Virgo man since April. When things are good, they’re great and I’m giddy. When things are bad, they’re so bad I just want to call the whole thing off. It’s a constant rollercoaster and I just can’t figure it out.

On top of that, he hasn’t said “I love you” yet. I’ve never had a relationship where the man did not say those words for this long. But he has said that I may be “The One” and that he’s thinking of things in the long-term. He claims he has never told anyone this before.

I’m just not sure if he’s for real. Is he in love with me? Help!

Help!
Uncommitted and un-“I love you”-ed

Dear Un,

Does he love you? Before you worry about that, ask yourself this: do you love him? Because it really doesn’t sound like you’re getting what you need – a sense of security, for example.

Considering you’re a Cancer with Venus in Cancer, this is a number one consideration. You want to be clinging to something that is real. And since you don’t know, you are understandably stressed. So here are some ideas.

Number one, ask him. “Do you love me?” After all, you need to know!

Don’t laugh and don’t say, “I’d never…” Why wouldn’t you? Look at how freaked you are. If this is all this guy can deliver, you may as well find out so you can cut your losses. The idea is to get your needs met. If he loves you, he will start meeting some of your needs and if not, you’ll want to look for someone else.

And I’m sorry. I understand you are invested here, but a rollercoaster does not sound like something you should sign up for the long term. Bottom line, you should not have to be guessing where he stands because it doesn’t work for you.

I’m not saying he won’t step up, because he very well might. Tell him what you want. Do you know what you want? You want someone put their arms around you and tell you that they love you. You want to FEEL it. If he can’t do that, I’d move along. But catch the point here. You want to focus on your feelings, not his.

Good luck.

~~
Have a question? Want to read more astrology-based advice? -> ElsaElsa – The Advice Blog

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  • Johny

    If he can’t do that, I’d move along. But catch the point here. You want to focus on your feelings, not his.

    Johny
    [Deleted broken link]

  • http://darkeroticism.blogspot.com swingingpuss

    If you ask me – he is milking the cow for free… a few fences around the cow might do the trick.

  • http://pogblog.blogharbor.com pogblog

    Holy moly — only since April? In my heyday (or re swingingpuss — my hayday), this would be about time to think shyly about holding hands, least of all saying “I love you”!

    Of course the lovely repression meant that blue flame passed between your hands if they brushed (by mistake) as you strolled. I mean it. At night you could see the blue flame.

  • http://elsaelsa.com elsa

    pogblog – and then there’s the folks like me who know within minutes of spotting the beloved. There is no cliff I’d rather jump from… the cliff of love! :D

  • Natalia

    I’m in the EXACT same scenario, minus the long term thing. I am a Cancer female and he’s a Virgo and I get so sick of playing guessing games. It’s like he admits that there’s a mutual “thing” between us but nothing has been made official. He admits he enjoys “spending time with me” or he’ll get a lil jealous if he feels another male presence is in my life, yet we are at a stand still with how our relationship is evolving. I really like him and want to be with him, but I get a little uneasy because there’s an underlying fear of biting off more than I can chew…since he’s so ‘reserved’ I dunno what suprises might come out, personality-wise from him. And much like the initial woman who submitted the blog, I feel her pain, sometimes you just want to be so understanding and patient even with so many ppl telling you to cut him loose or be patient. Every Virgo man I’ve dealt with has put me through the coaster, I try not to write someone off because of their sign but it’s like the same thing over and over. The one’s in the past, I’ve said “screw it” without giving that time to see how things would grow so this time around I was trying to give someone a chance…and now I’m back to square one. Just staying stagnant. We have so much in common too, as far as what we want from life but he just won’t move from point ‘a’ to point ‘b’ in our relationship.

  • RAI

    Hey, Im in a similar situation. Only im a scorpio woman dating a virgo male. Point blank virgo men are complicated!!! If you love this virgo man youre with you need to be very PATIENT!! The last thing a virgo wants is to feel rushed, just relax take your time and believe before you know it things will fall in place. I dont know how lomg youve been with your virgo but if and when a virgo man falls in love with you, it will take time for him to say what hes really feeling because they work different. It took mine 6 months to tell me and well, lets just say thats a good thing because it also gives you as the other half of the relationship time to think about how you really feel. One great thing about virgo men is that they are extremly loyal. He wont waste your time and if he wants out believe me he wont sugar coat anything and youll know. I will say that when you love some one you have to remain positive and hope for the best so, sweetie if youre in love be patient and I can gurantee you that in the end youll be glad you did. Youll have the envy of all woman. (the perfect man!!) Believe me, its worthe it. I waited and it was very much worth it!!! GOOD LUCK :)

  • prianka

    Im dating a virgo man myself. He’s cool, straighforward , genuine and a nice guy to hang out with. I’m seriuosly considering of marriage.. I guess virgos are worth it for they does’nt look around like a gemini(no offense) nor does the superficial flirtation like a piscean:).nor do they want to be the boss alwys loke a loen(again no offense) If he’s yours he’s only yours..

  • Lucy

    I’m a gemini with venus and mercury and cancer dating a sagittarius guy with mars in virgo (and venus in capricorn) and I’ve noticed a lot of the same virgo qualities that you all mention– being hard to understand, slow, not very communicative- but at the same time I feel like it’s him taking time to come around and fully let himself be himself around me. While it’s often very frustrating because I need to feel the emotional connection and heartfelt communication constantly (and he can’t always deliver), I feel he is completly loyal and he tells me he loves me and I believe him. But I do agree that the cancer/virgo match is sometimes frustrating for those of us with strong cancer influences.

  • http://www.allinablog.com Jenny

    YAY! Another one that believes the stars really influences a relationship!! I’m getting to know an aquarian man, and I will tell you it’s NOTHING like the Taurus or Cancers I’ve dated.. just so much tougher to break the ice, get through to them.. or really just understand that they are really on board they are just not showing it.. It’s tough! Great blog! :)

  • PRIYA

    I WAS SUPOOSED TO BE HOOKED UP WITH A VIRGO MAN(ARRANGED MARRIAGE TYPES).. hE’S FROM THE US (AN INDIAN THOUGH).WE SPOKE FOR 2 MONTHS AND HE FELT HE REALLY LIKED ME . ALSO SAW ME ON THE WEB CAM SO MANY TIMES.. WE ALSO HAD A GREAT TIME OVER THE PHONE. HE CAME DOWN TO SEE ME AND WE HUNG OUT A FEW TIMES. FINALLY HE WAS NOT ABLE TO DECIDE. PRECISELY DID NOT WANT TO SAY YES OR A NO. BUT SINCE HIS FOLKS COMPELLED HIM TO KIND OF AGREE HE BECAME APPREHENSIVE ( DID NOT WANT TO BE PUSHED)AND LEFT HALF HEARTEDLY SAYING A NO. i’M PERPLEXED AS I REALLY LIKED THIS MAN AND ITS KIND OF TOUGH TO ACCEPT THIS SITUATION NOW. i TRIED CALLING HIM UP A FEW TIMES AND HE SPOKE TO ME WELL BUT HAS NOT TOLD ME TO ANYTHING. INFACT HE WANTS ME TO MOVE ON IF I WANTED TO..:(

  • http://matchdispenser.com new

    lol this is something really weird ahhaha

  • Pebbles

    I just want to ask when you tell a man how you really feel and you tell him you might want to lose your virginity to him and he says that he doesn’t want you do lose it to anyone else but he doesn’t call you this is cancer and virgo and I might be in love with him.

  • http://men.datingfactfiles.com/ How To Get A Girl

    It all depends upon how much time the partners spend together. More closer you are, stronger the bond becomes.

  • Tulips

    I am a cancer woman and I am currently dating a vigo male. For some reason when we first met, it was almost like I have met him before. And it wasn’t long that I knew that I was really falling for this guy! I totally believe that we are both old fashioned and that is definitely one thing that we have in common. On thing that I have learned about this particular virgo male is that he is very open with his feelings. Which is the complete opposite from the things that I have read when it comes to the personality traits of the virgo male. I mean I have never had a man tell me the kind things that he has spoken to me before. I have since come to realize that the virgo men REALLY do have a different way of showing their affection. Cancer girls like to cling and cuddle, whereas virgo men like to keep their distance from time to time. It is definetly a surprise when he does start to get close to you! All I can say is that I have come to realize that I have a lot more patience than I thought, and maybe its the perfect balance that cancer girls need. Because I know that I like to be shown some affection, but since I am currently the natural clinger odd to say, but I would get tired of the male clinging to me after a while. I understand the whole rollercoaster thing, but communication is the KEYPOINT in this type of relationship! Virgo men like questions that are straightforward, in other words they don’t like to play the guessing game. Hope this helps!

  • Tom

    Im a Virgo man and need to tell all of you women that we do not commit lightly. Why? Because i have an immense fear of hurting a woman’s feelings! Thats why we take our time, because we value you soooo much. Just be yourself and help us plan our future as a couple. I love it when my woman speaks her mind – no matter what she says… i love learning about her dreams her tastes her past, that way i can mold my plans to better suit her needs. The last thing i ever ever ever want to do is hurt a loving woman – and Cancer women are truly caring and loving! So dont run away, just talk to us, tell us whats on your mind. Dont ever flirt or hint that theres a better guy out there – that destroys the fragile perfect world we have been building for our future. And like someone said, yes we are wayyyyy worth the wait – nobody can love you as much as a Virgo man (even if we find it hars to show it). And hey, if a Virgo man says that he is serious about you and you are the ‘one’, you have gotten aloooot farther with the guy than you can imagine. Again, i wouldnt say that if it werent true – take it as a huge compliment.

  • I hate virgo men

    Virgo men are jerks.

  • Virgo hater

    I just hate them.

  • Anonymous

    Virgo men are shy from PDA. Having said this, they look for long term relations in their partners. This is what he has mentioned to you. Its is difficult to say “I love you” to the person they love because they are very shy people and they have a mental block like love can be expressed through actions like thoughtfullness and caring or doing small things that matter to you then shouting on top of his lungs that he loves you. If he has given you hint that he likes you why don’t you take the initiative to let him know that you love him and ask him how he feels…but never pushed him to far insisting on PDA or something which he’s never comfortable with. Virgoes are worthy for keeps in a relationship. They are the most loyal,caring partners once they are commited.

  • tlt

    I must admit that virgo men are very difficult to understand. Im an aquarius been dating a virgo man for 14 months and he has never said I love you.. i know for sure he loves me but he has never said it.. on our 1 year anniversary he told me this is the longest he has ever dated a woman.. He is always telling me that has been in and out of many relationships and to him most of them are just sexual. He told me once that he fell in love once while in high school and the lady slept with his best friend. and that made him never to trust women. I asked him once if he loved me and he said he doesnt know. Sometimes we cool then he will just disappear and not even call or text back and then he will come back and pretend nothing happened and if i ask him why he didnt return my calls or text he simply says he was busy or was dealing with some issues..
    Believe me, I have wanted to leave so many times but i am soo in love with this man. I have never felt this way before. everytime he comes back i just cant resist him and he gets his way back into my heart..
    There has been some trust issues and he once said he doesnt trust me but he is working on it… when we cool he makes me very happy and we will spend everynight together after work either at my place or his place but then it doesnt last and he will disapear again. recently we had a fight abt a girl i found him with at a party and he said it was his friend but never cared to introduce me. i felt so disrespected and decided it was time to move on. one day i went on a date with a friend and he happened to be in the same club. he got soo pissed off and left..
    After sometime we started talking again and he said he wanted to be my friend, he said that he know he has hurt me soo much and he doesnt want to keep hurting me and that he wants me to be happy but he wants to be part of my life, and we never know when we might need each other.
    I dont know what to think about all this because when we talk he would ask if my boyfriend is around refering to my date.. i told him he was just a friend, but he will not stop making comments about him. What does he really want? I still love him and wants things to work but he has hurt me soo many times and i dont want to keep my hopes high only to be disappointed..
    Recently he went out of the country for 3 weeks he calld me twice and promised to call again but i have not heard from him for 5 days now.. I just dont know what to think. He says im a good woman but he cant step up…im trying hard to get him out of my mind esp now that he isnt around but i cant… Does he really want me to move on??????????Confused…

  • Trueboo

    I am a cancer also seeing a Virgo 7 months, and he is very in to himself, he doesnt express no feelings at all. We have spent time together and then he dissappears, but he texts alot, on the phone not much. He has told me he likes me alot but he doesnt demostrates anything. I recently told him that, I couldnt continúe have any sexual relationship with him, because, I felt that I was feeling very emotional with him. I told him that i liked him too much. But inside, i know i love him. Is been two days i told him that and i am Waiting on his response. They are inmotional deep inside but dont show their side and dont lkke public affection. I will hate to loose someone that i feel so confortable with. But at the end, i want someone that will be there with me and for me too. I see a lot of us in this same boat.

  • Jenn

    I have known a virgo male since jyly and we have dated. everything was great. Texted emailed, called all the time yet we did not see each other maybe 2 a month and its bc i asked him. I have met his friends and all. He is very shy and when im ready to give it a im done!! he will bring coffee to my job. Well anyways he when overseas for xmas. I had sent a facebook joke. He never responded to me and my anxiety drove me crazy. He did not talk for a while and only recently we are slowy texting and talking. He send winky faces with the text and lots of lol. He never did these in the 3 month we hated each other. I dont know what to do now. Bc we will talk and text however I have to talk and text first then he responds. He will never tells me how he feels, so idk if he is being nice or still does like me. Hard to tell be virgo men are weird and distant in general. I want to give it all a im done however i cant let go. All his friends say he is like this. He was married and divorce so i think he is afraid to fall in love again. If this does not work i will never ever date a virgo man,Im a libra

  • Virgo Man

    Love Love what a wonderful thing !!!!!! Yee Haw !!!!

  • Virgo Man

    I Love all you ladies ! I really like Cancer Women now that I date one she’s crazy but good . Sex with Aquarius is rockin , Libra women are oral monsters .Sag’s are freaks ….