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Is Ann Coulter Next?

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The Chicago Board of Trade has set up a market in Conservative Meltdown futures. Traders can bet on which conservative “journalist” will go down in flames next, a la Rush Limbaugh and, in process, Bill O’Reilly.

I’m putting my money on Ann Coulter. I read somewhere on the Blog that she’s a coke fiend. It’s an unfounded rumor, so I think I’ll spread it. Anyone who’s watched her on TV can certainly attest that she has the manic speech, the jittery paranoia, and the frail thin figure typical of cocaine addicts. (That’s a ridiculous overgeneralization, so I think I’ll indulge it.)

I say it’s only a matter of time before she gets busted in the ladies room by an undercover cop, or is mailed a Fed Ex package courtesy of DEA. She’ll then announce on Greta and Friends that she’s “taking a break” to go into rehab, but that “she’ll be back.” I will at that point admit that there is indeed a God, although I will promptly call on Him to forgive her.

So I’m selling short Ann’s currently over-inflated market price on the exchange, and expect to make quite a killing. Anyone care to take a position on the other side? Or throw another name in the ring? The exchange is open 9:30-4:00 every business day, although after-hours trading is also available.

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