It’s great to see how well things are going in Iraq. Why just yesterday, millions of Iraqis celebrated the annual kurd-picking festival while President Shiite was named the new Prime Minister.
Kurd is a delicacy known for its pungent aroma, much like the black truffles so prized by the French but with a deeper flavor and more diverse uses. Kurds are difficult to find, generally growing among the rocks in northern Iraq, so the Iraqis hire Jews to sniff them out.
“It’s a great paying job,” said Moshe Ben Hassan, an Iraqi Jew who was said to have been Saddam Hussein’s favorite kurd sniffer. “For generations, my family has mastered the fine art of sniffing out these elusive delicacies.”
While President Shiite was swearing himself in as the new Prime Minister, a small group gathered and politely applauded. One Iraqi admitted he had been bribed to attend the ceremony.
“I’d much rather be out picking kurds,” he said. He was overheard by President Shiite, who was heard to mutter, “me too.”
When the kurds are harvested, cleaned, and sliced, they’re used in a variety of foods from bread to rice to gruel. Iraqi women dress up in traditional garb and do ceremonial dances. One woman got so carried away that one of her breasts slipped out of her robe.
It’s not clear from press reports what happened to her. Some say she was immediately stoned. Others say she was stoned before she started dancing, which is why she forgot to wear a bra. Still others say people were so excited by the sight of her breast that they gave her some hash to get stoned.
We’ll stay on this story until the truth is revealed.