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InHouse: Nurse Jeffrey Appisodes – “The Bitch Tapes #9”

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Jeffrey, Jeffrey, Jeffrey!

We here at App’s Eye View are feeling mighty low. We like you, really we do. But clearly you are no match for Dr. House. Only four appisodes left and you’re no closer to your goal than when you started. Your desperation is showing. Like an ancient, much loved teddy bear, your stitching is coming apart. You’re still cute but you’ve had it. Face it, NJ. It could be the time has come to pack away your lofty ideals and walk off into the sunset, knowing you’ve done your best.

Patrick Price as Nurse JeffreyYou won’t though, will you? You will continue to grow bolder, inching ever closer to your prey, while making a valiant attempt not to stumble into the fire pit. For instance, since you know Dr. Wilson would never agree to speak with you, you corner Sandy, Dr. Wilson’s assistant. And you conduct this interview in Dr. Wilson’s office. Jeffrey, if you were a circus performer, you’d be the high wire act or the guy who gets shot out of the cannon.

“What’s the worst thing House has done to you?” you ask Sandy, and immediately her suspicion flares. She thought you were taping her comments for an employee party and she’s not at all eager to rat out her boss’s best friend. But when you assure her it’s all in the spirit of fun, and that you will even disguise her voice so she sounds like an Israeli man, she caves. Such charm you have, Jeffrey.

Sandy goes on to say that House forged a patient’s urine sample. This made you so happy, didn’t it, Jeffrey? The look of pure delight on your face and the way you exclaimed, “I LOVE urine!” made us think you almost had a chance.

Almost is the operative word here.

As it turns out, two years ago, Dr. Wilson treated a guy in the ER responsible for a bad car wreck. The guy couldn’t be arrested, since his drug test came back clean. However, in the car was a bag of medical marijuana and all sorts of drug paraphernalia. Since, according to House, drug tests can have false negatives, he offered to redo the tests. And what do you know? The test came back positive for alcohol, opioids, and all kinds of good stuff, enabling the police to arrest the driver.

It seems that House used his own urine to frame the guy (or according to Sandy, “House went out of his way to get a dangerous guy off the road”). Sorry, Jeffrey. It did look pretty good for a while there. And we were rooting for you, like we always do. But this mission of yours seems unlikely to succeed.

You ever think House knows? What if he’s been watching you all along?

There is one bright spot in all of this — you arrived on time. Eight o’clock on the dot. We were so happy to see you, we dropped everything and hoped, wished, and prayed that this would be your shining moment.

Ah, well, there’s always next week.


App’s Eye View

The InHouse app is available free from iTunes for your iPhone, iPad, and iPod Touch. The Nurse Jeffrey appisodes are also available on YouTube.

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About Mindy Peterman