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Yet another form of “ism” that I have been running into lately – with very few exceptions, these vile acts of prejudice seem to be predominantly displayed by men.

Look at that face, that grin, that drool – how can you men not just lose your mind?

Just the other night, I was at my in-laws, two individuals known for their fair and balanced displays of affection and attention to both the young and old. But not on this night: while my mother-in-law, a woman of discriminating taste, was remarking on how incredibly handsome and cute her young grandson, Alex, was, my father-in-law barely turned his eye towards the comely ward.

This is not the first time such outward signs of preferential treatment have been displayed by a male member of the species. In fact, I find that while I am pointing out the more distinctive and attractive features of my newest gift to the world, that many a male in the vicinity can’t be bothered to raise their eyes from their sports page to notice.

Even in a crowd of parents, which one would assume a captive audience for appreciating the young, not ONE father came up to me to ask how the young man was, or even to state his obvious aesthetic superiority. But not surprisingly, many a female was drawn to this cherubic features and showered him with glorious praises on high – so much so that I had to beat them back with sticks.

Even when I take a trip to my local merchants and have the pulchritudinous boy on full display, it is only the ladies who seem to be able to fully appreciate his gift for spreading the “toothless grin” joy.

Perhaps there is some cultural, genetic or evolutionary factor behind all this malevolent indifference. I suppose it’s the female genetic makeup to find all things small to be irresistibly cute. Is it the helplessness of the small and cuddly that we ladies fall victim to? I thought men were supposed to dig that silly “helplessness” shit that some women are so good at displaying. So why is it when a little baby, kitten, puppy, worm (anything small is cute, well almost anything) puts its defenseless aura up for appreciation, you men just seem oblivious?


In any case, I am keeping track of this mistreatment and I may be forced to contact my local ACLU for legal remedies.

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About Dawn Olsen

  • Mark Saleski

    uh oh….i don’t particularly like babies either.

    man, first the Shania Twain thing…and now this.


    ps. that is a cute baby there…honest.

  • Dawn

    Smart move on your part Mr. Saleski!! Don’t raise the ire of a mother scorned.

    He is a really cute though, isn’t he? Ahhhhh! Babies, don’t ya just love ’em?


  • Eric Olsen

    He sure is cute, even though … I mean especially because he looks so much like you.

  • Mark Saleski

    wow, full-on sucking up to spouse. in public even!

    you guys are just too cute.

  • duane

    It’s purely reflexive. Many men tend to associate babies with activities and places that they can’t stand. I’ll give you two examples: (1) baby showers; (2) baby sections of department stores. Mens guts twist at the sound of “aaaooohhhh.” That’s just the way it is. It is programmed into our forebrain just as firmly as our propensity for team sports (hunting, territory) and weapons (hunting, territory). Think about what a male lion will do to a baby male lion if they get a chance — forebrain stuff.

    There is another subtopic that you might mention. That’s babies on cross-country air flights. I used to cringe at the sound of a screaming baby. After my son was born, the next flight I took I noticed that it didn’t bother me anymore. Whaddaya make of that?

    PS Very cute baby by the way. Obviously superior to all the other babies out there. Good work.

  • Eric Olsen

    It’s in the jeans.

  • Tom Johnson

    I’ll chime in and say the youngest Olsen is indeed very cute, but you can count me among the ranks of “men who have no idea what to do with babies when confronted with them.” I am an only child and grew up that way – spoiled rotten, “alone but not lonely,” and never really encountered these oddly proportioned miniature people in person until a few years ago. I hold them like I hold a bag of used cat-litter – don’t get it too close to me or it’ll leave a stain. And when it comes to playing . . . well, what exactly do you do with someone who really can’t control limbs or bodily functions? Games are out – babies are notoriously bad at strategizing anything beyond getting attention. Conversation’s out, too . . . at least conversation that means anything. But I am totally up for getting one of those “frontpacks” where you mount said youngin’ as if he’s a spare parachute. I totally want to have a little person attached to my chest, limbs flailing, making goofy noises, plus I can always walk up to people and say, “Look what I grew!”