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In Love With A Married Man – Venus in Capricorn in the 7th House: Astrology-Based Advice

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Capricorn goatDear Elsa,

I’ve been seeing a married man for seven wonderful months. He is visiting from out of town, but will be leaving in a few weeks. I am dreading having to utter the words, “goodbye.” I’ve been seeing him a few times a month because his work hours are so hectic. He has been married for three years and has no children with his wife.

During a phone conversation early on, he uttered the words “I could fall right in love with you.” What do you suppose he meant by this? He has never expressed his feelings to me face to face, but his eyes say so much. I want to tell him how I honestly feel for him before he leaves to go home for good.

Do you think I should impose on our last wonderful night together and tell him how I feel?


Dear Enchanted,

To be very candid, I don’t think it matters one way or the other. I think you’ve been seduced by a cad who has used you for the last seven months. That you fell for this, at forty years old, is just plain painful.

[ADBLOCKHERE]So is he going to give a shit it you profess your undying love on his way out of town? He’s not. Either way, he’s going to go home and no doubt, as soon as he gets there, he’s going to fuck his wife, and then go trolling for his next piece of ass on the side.

So you see, it makes no difference what you do. You are going to feel like shit very soon regardless. As soon as reality hits, and if you want to fix that, you’re going to have to take a hard look at why you involved yourself in this in the first place. For insight into that, I would look to all this Capricorn and Saturn tied up with Venus.

Could it be you’re trying to please Daddy? And steal him from Mommy? I say it’s time you get real.

Good luck.

About Elsa

  • Lee

    I recently was reunited with an old love with whom there was never a bad moment.

    We are both married him with children.

    At 45 we know that we are attracted to each other and like each other as people but will not cheat on our spouses. Don’t have an affair with someone who is married. Love him or her for who they are and not what they could be for you.

    If they do not want to be Just friends while they are married to some one else than wish them well and walk away -they will be mad but they will respect you ( and maybe come looking for you when they do get dvorced)


  • Kmac

    Your feelings don’t matter to him, he only cares about himelf and what make him happy! Take a step back for a minute and really think about it. It relqationship is not going to get any better, you are not going to be happy you’ll be doing a lot of waiting on wondering every minute of every day. Is he going to call me, is he going to come by ? What’s he telling his wife, is he sleeping with his wife? You’d like to throw him a party or take him out on the town for his birthday, can’t do it , the wife has got him and their having a good time, you are the last person, if that, on his mind!!How about holiday’s, no can do either, Wife has him. What about your birthday? If he makes it by , don’t think he’s going to take you out for your birthday. He’s not going to take you anywhere and take a chance he might see someone he knows from his other life, he’s gonna tell you what you want to hear. Tell you how fine you look and how he wants you all to himself, blhaa, blhaa, blhaa.
    Always looking at his watch, asking what time we it is. I could go on, but won’t.
    you end up planning your world around their’s. Your going to be very disappointed, your feeling are going to get hurt,it will tear your heart out. But never fear, he’ll come along and tell ya what you want to hear and make it all better, and not because he loves you or he’s sorry he hurt your feelings, Because he’s just going to do it again, and again and again, I gaurentee you, Remember the only one he cares about being happy is himself. Then maybe his wife, needs to try and keep her happy so he can come see you when he gets bored with her.
    Better to get out now, I wish I had, it’s been 7 years, that’s along time too long! 7 years gone and he no closer to leaving his wife then he was 7 years ago. You should be #1 in the man’s life that you love.HE IS NOT GOING TO LEAVE HIS WIFE FOR YOU, EVER!

  • http://Inlovewithamarriedmanandhaveonechildbyhimandoneowntheway ashley coleman

    It doesn’t matter what you do with that married man he always goes back to his wife. I am in love with a married man right now and have given almost everything he has asked for including a baby gurl and one on the way. he has one boy by his wife and several more by other women before he has gotten married.whatever u do can not make no married man leave his wife

  • kate cartwright

    i no exactly how you feel its happened to me to every one has there opinions but it cant change how you feel no matter what people say/’hell only goo back to his wife’!its hard to stop loving someone no matter how hard we try!my advise being in the same position as you is its too hard to stop loving him married or not!whether you tell him how you feel or not it doesn’t matter really but the real question you need to ask him and yourself is some one will get hurt no matter what so does he love you enough? if hes the man for you and wants you he’ll make the choice that you and him both need be with or with out you!its so hard but if its not meant to be then you have to move on how i rely don’t no but it will only make you ill in the end!ask him and he’ll decide! x its got to be you or his wife!

  • lili

    All the comments that other has posted in here are true. I can tell you that by own experience where my husband was shitting on me with another women, then I discovered and that was the end to that relationship, remember nothing last forever. You need to enjoy your life and always put yourself first, don’t let no men put you down.

    Good Luck

  • Carima

    You should try to think. I know it’s hard but you have to. If he leaves his wife for you, after a while he’ll get bored of you too and then you’ll always wonder if he is cheating on you too. Would you like another woman to do what you are doing to his wife??? Think about it

  • xyz

    I wish someone had told me 3 years ago what i think i already knew deep down inside.. a married man will not leave his wife AFTER beginning an affair with another woman. If the marriage is so “bad” or “unhappy” he would be trying to leave in the first place not trying to find the fix to make him feel better about things.
    I don’t condemn women who fall in love with married men but we need to be stronger and value ourselves more. We are worthy of men who can love us and commit to us full time not only when it is convenient and comforting for them.

    Actions speak louder than words. Its a timeless saying for a reason– It’s true!
    Best of luck to all women involved with married men.. get yourself out while you can! Love shouldn’t hurt.

  • Anxious and stupid

    I’ve been involved in a pseudo-marriage with a married man for almost 10 years. We were both married when it started; I left my marriage because the double life was too hard and my ex husband deserved to be with someone who really loved him and that wasn’t me. Things between myself and my married guy have gotten so bumpy lately because he’s been trying to leave his family even though I’ve told him he doesn’t have to just yet. His girls are 12 and 15 now but are both emotional messes because their mother is too busy with her own life to care much about them. He is both father and mother to them; they both called dad when they started their periods – what does that tell you? Anyways, I tend to believe that someday he will leave to be with me, but we’re not getting any younger. I am 12 years older than he is and should have known better years ago, but was so attracted to him I knew I found the one. I’ve invested so much into this relationship, and it’s not easy to just say forget it after alll this time. Does anyone have any advice. Don’t lecture, because I already know all the things we’ve done wrong. I’m worried about his health now as this turmoil he’s created by the years of telling them he’s leaving and then not following through is killing him.

  • alexandria jackson

    There is no good advice. There’s advice that is “morally right”, advice that is all about self-respect, and there’s advice that focuses on what if he does come to you, will he cheat on you?

    None of that matters when people are in love. What I hear is women asking for help where they are: in love with a married man. And the bottom line is that it isn’t very different than being in love with a man who is not fully available for other reasons: a mother, an illness, an addiction… It’s the same in many ways. Take the good when you can and try to ride out the bad. And maybe one of you can start an on-line support group for each other… but shield yourselves from the harsher critics. Good luck.

  • danni

    I can relate to some the ladies on the site. I always said that i would not let myself get too attracted or invoved with a mm. There is a guy who works at my job that I adore. We have been “work” friends for 2 years now and just recently we crossed the line. After a work party we got drunk and I allowed him to perform oral sex on me. Now I am in a relationship of my own that the sexual aspect of it is lacking. Don’t get me wrong, my own bf is sweet and reliable. I will not leave him for this. However, it does feel good to have some extra flirtation at work. Im not dub, I am trying to keep my sexual distance from him and I have considered every possible outcome to this situation including him staying with his wife or leaving his wife and cheating on me. I just dont care right now because I like how I feel right now. We are getting to know each other as friends and its cool. I know my limitations and a do have a good distraction (my bf).. I will not sit around and wait for him.. hell, I might not even like him enough to be his woman full time.. *wink* Shes gotta deal with the shitty sides of him too.. I dont. In some ways I wish we didnt work together though..Sometimes its tough to see the wedding ring just because Im jealous.. I think its a good idea for women to examine exactly what they feel for the mm. It could be that you just like him alot or that you like how he makes you feel… That doesn’t equal love.. Would you change his shitty bedpan if he were sick.. hmmm.. i know i would’t at this point.. thats his wifes job.(lol)
    What are your thoughts??

  • princess from phil

    i am with the same situation too… i felt very bad for myself… i am 23 and the man i loved so much is 30.. i’ve decided many times to leave him.. but every time i told him he never want me to… he promised me that he will fix everything but he never explain to me if are we going to separate or he will leave his wife… until now im still waiting for that promised…i really don’t know what to do.. i can’t even ask an advice from my mom .. =( he ask me if im willing to accept him and wer gonna leave in our place and go to wer nobody know us..i said to him that he better fix his marriage..i am really not that stupid.. i still thinks for the best.. but i can’t help it i just really love him.. and i know he love me too… i need some advice pls… GOD SPEED!!!!

  • also in love with a married man

    In answer to Danni’s comments, yes I would. I met my mm only 6 months ago, purely with the intention of friendship. But, almost immediately, we ‘clicked’ in every manner and laughed continously as we held hands and walked for miles and miles. It was a good few months before our affair began, and, since then, my love for him has grown and grown. I would give my life for this wonderful man and adore every moment I am with him. But, along with the joy, there is so much pain. Knowing that he is sleeping with his wife, knowing that he shares time with her and knowing that I am only a fragment of his life and will probably never become a complete part of. So, ladies, weigh it up. If you can handle part time love – great. But, if you are like me and miss him most of the time – think twice. I am in too deep now, but you need never make the same error as I have. It hurts – trust me!

  • Douglas Mays

    Scary! Ouch! Confusing, fractured love. He has love for you, although not a complete love. You love him, but it cannot be complete.

    Well, at ths moment, have no expectations. You two are just filling holes of love in each other’s lives. Almost like each other’s ‘love repairmen’.

    You two are not in a position with each other to be the real deal. The love you feel is real, but far from the whole deal.

    Respect the situation. don’t ask too much of it.


  • Lucie

    Im so much inluv wt a maried man bt dnt knw wt to do h tld m h lv m to dnt brk up wt hm.h hv brk up wt hs wife 4 m bt its nt enugh 4 m cz hsnt yet divorcd

  • ana

    I am a single mother and i dreamt about one man few months before i met him in real. and i could only see his back and his kind of hair style and attire in the dream. from the dream, it’s like telling me i m going to meet that kind of man , who might be the one for me. from what i know, the guy in my dream was very tall, slim, wearing light man’s color shirt, dark pants and wavy hair and fair. and one day, during my cousin’s wedding… i was sitting somewhere and here comes the same looking guy in my dream. i ddint notice it yet but when i look at him passing by, it was love at first sight. i didnt believe it or cant remember whether i have been in such a feeling before…but when he walked by, i look at him from left to right.. and i wonder, ‘whos this handsome man?’. then during the end of the ceremony, when the guests start to leave, it happen the man knows my brother. and he saw me talking to my brother. and from quite far, he walked to us and i could see that he’s trying to know me. then my brother introduced both of us and he showed his hand for a handshake and he asked me ,’so what do you do?’. then we talked. he gave me nice advices as he’s a lot elder than me (about mid 40s but he’s still looking so cute). he knows my family well and besides goodlooking, he’s also smart and filthy rich guy. Yes he is married. While we’re talking, he kept taking out his mobile after he showed me some sms that we discuss together and since my brother know his number, so i told him that i would take his number from my brother. when he told me the advices, i feel like
    he’s just like me since im also popular among my siblings in giving tips and sharing good infos. and it took me about nearly one year to contact him, with the
    reason : asking his favor to find a contact that could rent my condo at the city . and he replied my sms and said ‘i m in london now.Aziz” (Aziz is his name).
    my brother’s name also aziz. it was funny during the night that we met, i was referring to aziz my brother when i called up ‘aziz’ name from behind (that time he was
    with my “aziz”) then both of them turned at me and then i said ‘goodluck’…then both of them nodded and smiles at me. its ok if he doesnt like me the way i like him
    cause its nice to be in love again after what i went through before. i deserve to be in love again. wish me luck, and anyhow, its always good to have a new
    contact and perhaps a good friend as well. by the way, before we met that night, our family members were dancing along the loud music, and the guests were
    all entertained and i was one of the main dancers that night. so he saw me dancing…(how embarassing….actually i feel shy thinking about it).

    when i met him during the night, he was dressing just like the guy in my dream (exactly). light color man’s shirt with long black pants.

    so i hope to hear some news from him since i cant cross my limit and obvious in showing my feeling. hes like the hero in the flash dance movie. that kind of
    tall handsome man. oh i m so in love..

  • Babyblue

    I have been seeing a MM for over three years now and we talk every day and see each other once or twice a week. At least two weekends a month. He got me thru my abusive marriage where my husband put a gun to my head and tried to kill me, broke bones and even destroyed my home. My MM is the only man that I trust with my feelings, my body and I tell him everything, also he is my best friend.. It’s like we are inseperable. If I am willing to accept being the “other woman” than I have to live with “the territory” I try so hard on his birthday to be ok with not seeing him, or being here while he is gone on vacation for a week and wait for the text to come through that he misses me. We tell each other that we love each other every day. I know that I do things for him and he so does things for me, emotionally, sexually and in all ways. I know that he will never leave his wife, I also know that I have been so mentally and physically abused by my ex that I will not be ready for a “real” relationship for a long time and don’t even want to try yet. My MM keeps me sane and satisfied. I just miss those days like birthday’s, christmas and all the other holidays but I have my daughter to get me through. Right now I am so in love and feel so safe. I know that it is wrong but he give me what I need. I don’t feel like I could handle a relationship 24/7 and just knowing in the back of my mind that my MM loves me, cares for me and helps me monitarily gets me through that I am easily satisfied right now. Is that wrong to settle for everything that I need right now.

  • BunnyJean

    I was in love with a mm for approximaately 9 yrs. There was a time in that 9 yrs when we had no contact. My ex-husband was dying of cancer, and I went back to care for him until his death. After his death, the mm and I resumed our relationship. About 1 yr ago he moved out of the house, and we had been discussing marriage during that time. For a period of time I was living in another state. We continued the relationship and every couple of months we would drive, or fly to a location to meet. He then spent quite a bit of money to move me back to the town in which he lives. Within 48 hours on my return to town, he then informed me that this relationship will not work. For the past 3 months I have endured great heartbreak. His reason for this breakup is that he needs to get right with God. His attitude now is “sorry”, but this is not my problem. I no longer hear from him, nor does he return my calls. For every woman who thinks that wasting those valuable years will get you the man “of your dream” may I encourage you to wake up and smell the coffee. Believe it or not, my man has decided to return home to his “wonderful wife.” This is the same wife that he told me repeatedly had rejected him and refused him marital relationship. Not only was I aware of their problem, but many people in the community were aware. Now all of a sudden she is wonderful, and I am the intruder. I am realizing that I was living a rose colored existence, wasting time and opportunities. Please ladies wake up to the truth. 90+% of mm who have outside relationships (irrespective of how long the relationship) do not leave their marriages. In the end you are used and damaged goods; having to spend much time in recovery from something that has hurt you deeply.

  • anne

    i expirience having realtionship to a married man “mm” yeah it’s verry hard and complicated…before i have a quite life and peaceful life,i am contented on what i have… When i met this gut “mm” my life change,at first i feel happy and feel im secured with him,But after lot of trial’s he change…… At first i still believe on him that he will never leave me alone,But everytime we have a problem he always confused to me,and i really feel sorry for my self that i allow him to hurt me……
    i always remember my mom told me that,no one have right’s to hurt me…i always cry for this man……For me girls needs to love thier selves first. if you always get hurt to the man you love u need to think if he is the right one for you….

  • Nona

    I keep asking myself “What makes me different, why do I feel he will change just for me”… then I lie to myself over and over again, “because he really loves me and not his wife”…it’s such bull I can’t beleive I fall for it time and time again…I’m no different then his wife, whom he had to at one time felt something for to marry..Now the question is am I willing to be the “other” woman 4 ever and this does entail unable to get angry at time he’s spending with her, him only being available sometimes, him seeing me in between being with her then his friends…Really only I can answer these stupid questions…I really feel like an idiot even though I’m well versed…I can have an intellectual conversation with any person on any given day because I am outgoing and can easily talk with people, I’m educated and keep up with current events, but he is sooo jealous if I talk to other people an dme again like a “idiot” feels this is a sign of “love”…When I know that this is his attempt to keep me isolated so that I depend on his company…UGH, even knowing the truth I can’t pull myself away from this “mm” of my dreams….

  • Chancey

    I have raised my children, haven’t dated in about 3 years and was not looking for a relationship. Out of the blue, opportunity for a MM came knocking.. like him a lot and told him I wasnt interested (even though I think he’s hot and we definitely have chemistry). We continued with our friendship – he is fun to talk to, just to be around with, and I bet great in bed too, even though I dont know that yet). He still persists on telling me how much he wants me, even though I try to discourage him. LOL. Now, after reading all of the above and weighing how guilty I would feel if I ever did this, I just want to add that I do not, do not want to be bogged down with either a full time boyfriend or husband… I am very independent, love spending time with my friends and family and just don’t want to deal with that type of relationship. So does that justify a MM? How do I handle the guilt?? Comments pls..

  • meg

    i’ve been thru this. i didn’t trust at all at 1st what people say about ‘ he is just playing with you, he is just using you when he has problem with his wife blah blah bklah’.

    I didnt notice at 1st i was so happy and everything seems so right. he cares about me so much and he cry and cry when a lil thing happened to me. he called eevry night after we chat online just to listen to my voice. how we met? its like a movie..we were not looking for each other its just happens like that. the 1st time i met him also i met his wife.

    so things get more complicated. he told me that he missed me and started to ask more about me. and of course everyone in the family knows that he always staring at me(we are from a family). well, I DON’T WANT to remember so much and what i can say is i was so stupid to fall into that trap…the thing is no matter he was realy nice to me or want to be with me or not. it seems not important now. what is more important is that he wont leave his wife.

    ok so we been seeing each other for about 6mths and he was so nice at 1st and then i started to tell him that i couldnt stand t any longer as those big days he wont be spending time with me. he has his family

  • meg

    I was about to married a very nice guy but this mm came along and yeah like all you know how a married man can bring you to heaven…but don;t forget they can bring you down to hell too.

    so yes 8nmths ago..he said he was coming to see me but then he just dispapeared like that. i callewd him he wont call me back. i sms him he wont reply so i waited and waited. i even saw him online i IM him but no reply as well.

    so i thought maybe he got some problems and dont want to share i think maybe give him sometimes. then one day i got food poisoning. i sms him but he just dont reply even i called. trust me, the way he treated me before was so so nice.

    then, last week, my sister told me that he and his wife and 3 kids were here at my town and spent the night woth my aunt. he didnt call me or even say hi.

    so what am i? i am so tired of this shit and now i am moving on to another stage. i know it’s hard but my life so far is good enough.

    dont waste your time on mm. even at 1st u thought u were diferent but u r not. trust me.

    i am now doing very good and i will build my own family soon. cant blame him even he was the one who came to me and begging for this and that. i can blame myself but i am so tired of blaming myself because of an useless man like him.

    what is cruel about him is…he didnt even told me oh we must end this r/ship. he just don’t talk to me and disappear.

    a man like that….do u think its worhty to try? i tell you..NO.

  • meg

    trust me..if u read this article today and u dont trust what i said, after some time u will come back here and know how naive u were..just like me.

    good luck!!!

  • mel

    I’ve been in love with a married man for over two years now. He has no children.Twice now my ex has contacted his wife and ‘told’ her about us. But he has still continued to want to see me. He’s moved miles away now and I’m not sure things will last for us. But I just want to make this point-I truely don’t believe that no woman ‘falls’ for a man because he is ‘taken’ by another woman.We are all intelligent woman-we know the pain involved. I love this man for WHO he is, NOT because he belongs to someone else. There is someone else who is free, single and would move heaven and earth for me if I asked him to, but try as I might and because it is ‘OK’, I CANNOT generate any feeling for this guy because the spark just is not there. If things were right between my MM and his wife-why does he look elsewhere? I don’t want this pain but, I follow my heart, not my head.

  • mmforum

    Hello there ladies!! First, thank you all for making my day.I laughed a lot. I know it’s not funny, but that’s the way I deal with pain some times.
    I, too, am involved with an mm. When he came to me, I asked him if he were involved in any ways he denied for weeks. He waited until we had sex and I was now attached to him, he told me he is engaged and this was an arranged thing. See, he misled me. One thing we all need to know is that EACH and everyone of these guys are MASTER manipulators, narcissistic, plain SHITS. My MM shocked the hell out of my arse. So I decided that I am NO toilet paper and I am going to make him pay for it. How? I bought books and read them, read hundreds of articles, now learning how to be a master seductress. It is working and I am pleasantly learning every button of this guy while my door is open to other men. I have detached myself from him completely w/o him knowing it. WHY feel sorry for them, they don’t feel sorry for us. Once I know he is now madly attached or “in love” with me, I’ll dump him. Give him a cup of his own nicely brewed coffee…Y NOT? We ladies gotto learn about these STUPID asses who can make us feel like darn fools. We need to be cherished, treated with dignity.

  • liz

    hi elsa,

    am 24 n madly inlove wit a 34 yr old mm,he has a 4yr old daughter n still lives wit his wife,the thing is am sooooooo inlove wit him to an extent that i can do anything just to spend tme wit him,n as usual he tell me that he fily loves me,his wife cnt give birth anymore n he rily wants ana kid…wit me!!is he just trapping me or just using me to fullfill his desire of aving ana kid or does he rily love me???i feel like crap wen he leaves to go to his wife n am left lonely!!!n wen he lies to her that he spent the nite smwea wit his boy friends yet he was wit me…..if he loves me i think he shld tell her the truth right?????????????????yes she knws i exist but y lie to her???i want a baby too but wit a father!!wat should i do b4 i go nuts???

  • Tom

    Dear Ladies,
    I happened on this site by googling “My children like him” and it must be serendipity for me. Please read with understanding. I am a MM, (second time around), my first marriage ended by decease of the “love of my life.” (I saw her one day and she was gone the next, no warning signs.) Devastated…suffering deep PTSD…followed doctors advice to remarry (never slept around in 15 years of marriage, so why start). I searched for my lost love or something close to her and thought I found her. Second marriage to younger woman (her 1st) horrible…marriage tore up by her family’s involvement – I absorbed all responsibilities of good husband (no drinking, smoking, cheating, or abuse), good father, bread winner, bill caretaker, (she had no want for anything). 5 years and 2 babies later…found out I was being used for financial security and sex (and it wasn’t good sex either). I went from a stong financial position to living from paycheck to paycheck and below, while she hoarded all her money and put it away for safe keeping. After many pleadings of, your family does not run this house, I am the “man of my own house,” she would not change or work with me to change the situation, I told her it was over, find someone else. I left the bedroom, but not the house…I continued my duties as father but not as husband, and I stayed because I love my children. We talked separation/divorce, but neither of us moved on it. She expected me to pay for it. Finally she did. Sighting me as an abusive husband, cruel…heartless for not sleeping with her. And I moved.
    During separation…we talked reconciliation, she refused because she had met, and fell in love with a MM (who was in the same condition as I was). However, I asked was later if I still wanted to patch it up (which I did for my children’s sake) and was invited back home. Something was wrong, and my gut told me what it was) yes, she was pregnant and both planned to say it as mine for their protection. I had hazarded my life and health to try to rescue a failing marriage and my children’s lives and this was how I was “being played.” (and she never intended to break it off with him because of the baby connection.) Fastforward… we are back to square one. Three babies and me under humongeous stress. You see ladies, since that time I have caught her in numerous lies and deceits with him and for him. She still loves him and still sees him…I know it.
    Since going back home I have been faithful as before, but flirted with the thought of doing what she did. But I know revenge is the wrong way to react, but I am lonely, hurting, and in a great deal of pain now. And I am desperately trying to end (walk away) my situation amicably to reduce the fallout on my children. (and yes… I do take care of the new one too. this is not his fault) My joy is my children…but when they are sleep, well you know how it is. So my question is, as a MM, am I wrong to seek out the attention of another woman?? (even though most run from me, and I don’t know why)…and if any are “interested,” they are like (no offense “mmforum”) who simply want to “teach my stupid ass” a lesson…and use me for what they can get because I am kindhearted. “WHY” use me who would mean them only good? As a MM am I wrong to want to find “True love” again? As I said, I am in the process of fixing my situation amicably…i.e. (I do intend to leave – with my children). And it is not my intention to use any woman as “I Have Been Used.”

  • Veronica

    Why do women always say the man will never leave? I was a mistress twice and both times, the men left their wives to be with me. It’s not something I’m proud of but it’s reality & if you go by stats, then look at who are the people that are actually responding. Most are women who have been scorned or wives of men who cheat.

    Not all men cheat, not all men stay with their wives. But one thing we all have in common; we are all human beings with feelings who make mistakes by getting married to the wrong people. I was married for 15 years to the wrong man & I will always regret it. He never cheated on me, it was marriage of convenience. He was older, I got pregnant, we got married, he took care of me, then he died.

    After my husband passed away, I met my first mm. I had no idea he was married 10 yrs with a son. We were together 2 years & I ended it when he started getting jealous & possessive.

    The second mm wasn’t married when we met at work, where his live in girlfriend worked too. They were engaged a few days after we met but we didn’t have anything at that time. He was introduced to me by coworkers who actually trying to break them up because she was what they call a “horrible boss” & he was this nice guy everyone liked.

    We started seeing each other on the side, meeting up at lunch in hotels for about 6 months when she found out. I was “laid off”, he broke it off with me & married her within the month. Everyone at work told me she lied & told him she was pregnant when she wasn’t.

    I went about my life but was devastated & depressed mostly because I never told him I loved him. He called all the time & I refused to see him. About 4 months later he surprised me at my door & it got physical again. A year later, they were divorced.

    He had kept all his divorce plans secret from me. We never talked about his marriage or relationship. One thing I never do is talk about my personal sex life or ask about his, even though I didn’t have any except him but I let him wonder about me, which always kept him on his toes.

    I will agree with some things that were said here about being alone & spending holidays alone really hurts. Not being able to go out together on a real date was my biggest problem. But the truth is, I had so much going on at that time, with an ailing mother, loss of work & going to college at night to better myself, being a “taken woman” seemed to fit into my schedule.

    I loved him more than anything in the world & was willing to give up my freedom in order to have what precious minutes he would spare. What have you sacrificed for love? More than that I bet.

    Maybe my busy schedule appealed to his sense of “chase”, making me hard to get, who knows.

    All men are different. It is so unfair to sit here & judge someone we do not know, nor will ever meet. It is also unfair to sit here & say NO MAN WILL EVER LEAVE HIS WIFE! Never say never, ladies.

    Men do leave their wives, maybe not directly from the cause of the mistress or for the mistress but they do leave their marriages & when they do & the mistress is there waiting, he will go to her because she’s a comfortable place he’s fallen into before. And if there was ever a strong connection between them, it will last. Why wouldn’t it? A mistress is not a monster. She is a woman, probably a very sexually enticing woman who “clicked” with your husband. And your husband found ways to meet up with her, making excuses & lying, yes. But he did it.

    Whether or not you trust him is entirely up to you. But don’t judge him because he cheated on his wife. The mistress is not the wife. She has her own individual personality, obviously something he liked in her to risk a marriage over. Maybe she is the stabilizer he needs or the excitement he craves, again, depends on the man.

    You need more proof?

    Take a peek at Hollywood. Look who left their wives. What, Hollywood not the “real thing”? Why not? They have lives just like you do. You can’t discount them from the stats.

    Look at Guiliani who left his wife of how many years. He isn’t Hollywood. He’s politics. Look at them, another group you don’t want to count? Why not?

    Look around. You will see marriages fall apart all the time. Men leave. Men leave all the time. And if you think just because you’re married to him that he won’t leave you, then you are in denial & most likely the reason why you’re in the trouble you’re in at home. You don’t want to face reality.

    Reality is what YOU make it or expect it to be. If you love a man, you give him your all. Don’t worry about what HE does. You either accept him or you don’t. If he makes you happy, good. Be happy. If he leaves, better. If he doesn’t, it’s up to you.

    Personally, I wouldn’t wait a year for any man, married or not to commit to me. That’s always been my limit. If after a year I don’t have a commitment, then I walk. It’s worked for me so far.

    As for my mm, we are still together. It’s been 8 years. We are not married, not because he hasn’t asked but because I make more money being single being a widow than marrying. Who’s to say I won’t change my mind later but for now, we are happy.

    Do I trust him? Yes. I’ve never had a reason not to. I will never judge anyone for how they’ve behaved with someone else, only with me.

    And if you say you judge people for how they’ve behaved in their past, then doesn’t that make you a bigot? You’d never forgive a person for a wrongdoing because they’ve already done it, therefore they will do it again. That’s what you’re saying here & that’s just not fair or objective.

    I’ve ranted enough.

    Good luck to all. Just make yourselves happy. It’s all you can do. And stop reading stats. Every situation is different, just as we are.

  • secret love

    To Douglas Mays:
    That is very profound and I think puts it in perspective for all of us struggling with this great love that we truly do feel, but don’t know what to do with it.

  • chrissyd

    All I can say is true true true! Same here!

  • isabelle

    im too in this situation..i fall in love with a married man..i didnt mean to but as sayings you can not teach the heart..
    im 23 i have a daughter and his father love me but were not married,i go out of the country to work i have no plans to fall in love or even find a man just came to work,but i met 1 guy hes 29 hes married and has 7month boy.he told me that hes marriage was only arrange he didnt even know the girl he met him once 3 month before the married he go to their country to marry the girl as his mom wants.and after two months he send the girl back to their country to complete studying the girl is 18 yrs. old .3rd month the wife is pregnant 4th month he met me,he said i was 4month late hahahaha,were with each other now for 1yr..we are always together.we leave in 1 home.his wife is coming now to stay with him for good cos she finish the school,i was so confused he told me nothing will changed,coz he will leave with her he just need to bring them coz ther is war in their country and though he dont love the girl he love his son so he can afford to keep them there otherwise he will divorced her..he told me let the war finnish in their country then he will return the girl in their country he dont know im having some1 waiting for me in my country he know only that i have a daughter im very confused on my situation coz hes not letting me travel till he will get divorced coz he want to travel with me and ask my hands from my mom and dad.i dont think i can leave my daugther and her father regardless that we are not married.