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I’m A Terrorist… Says The Vatican

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Well it's finally official, most of you might have had your suspicions, but now it’s a definite yes. According to the Vatican anybody who criticizes the pope is now officially a terrorist.

When I saw the headline for this story I was naturally intrigued. What horrible things did someone say about Benedict that got the Vatican so upset? What kind of things could be considered the equivalent of a car bombing or flying a plane into the World Trade Center?

It seems that an Italian comic named Andrea Rivera, helping to host a May Day celebration sponsored by Italian labour unions, made two comments that got the Vatican's official newspaper's editorial staff's knickers in a knot. According to L'Osservatore Romano the fact that Mr. Rivera said that he could tell Pope Benedict doesn't believe in evolution because the Church hasn't ever evolved is an act of terrorism.

If that wasn't bad enough he also said that he couldn't stand the Church for not allowing Piergiorgio Welby a Catholic funeral but had no problems letting Francesco Franco and Augusto Pinochet have them. Welby had campaigned for the right to die to be legalised, as he lay paralysed with muscular dystrophy. When he finally found a doctor who unplugged his respirator, his family was informed he would not be allowed a Catholic funeral because he had sinned.

On the other hand the Fascist General Franco, dictator of Spain for forty some years and responsible for the death of thousands of political opponents and the torture of thousands of others, and Pinochet, former dictator of Chile, who upon assuming power had school teachers, labour organizers, and poets rounded up and held in a Santiago soccer stadium and machine-gunned, were both considered defenders of the Catholic faith and given full Catholic ceremonies.

Well obviously they only killed other people, they didn't allow themselves to die. That would have been a sin. Obviously if you can't cause other people to suffer, you have to suffer in order to be a good Catholic according to the Church's logic.

Now according to the Vatican, this type of talk is stoking blind irrational hatred against the Pope; that will lead to a return of the terrorist attacks that plagued Italy in the 1970s. I guess we know where former Bush staffers go to work; they get jobs in the press department of the Vatican rehashing their former boss's arguments to scare the population into obedience.

Instead of saying that criticizing the President gives aid and comfort to the enemy and encourages terrorists to believe Americans are easy targets, they now say that being critical of the Pope will encourage people to stage terrorist attacks. If you do that you might as well be picking up a bomb and throwing it yourself, according to their way of thinking.

Well, golly, if that stuff constitutes being a terrorist, what does calling the Pope a homophobic, misogynistic, perpetuator of AIDS make me? Or what about saying that he's responsible for overpopulating the world, and aiding and abetting mass pedophilia?
Would that qualify me as a terrorist?

What happens if I'm critical about their history and remind people that no other institution has been more directly responsible for cultural genocide and actual genocide than the Catholic Church? Would it upset them if I remind people that they help oppress people the world over by saying it doesn’t matter what happens here on earth as long as they go to church every Sunday?

Who cares if you don't make enough money to feed your family and that you live in abject poverty; you'll have pie in the sky when you die. But don't practice birth control because you have to create more and more souls for God. What happens if we don't? Is he on a quota system or something? God has to eat forty-five souls every nanosecond?

According to the Pope any form of birth control is a sin, and all life is sacred. Except of course pregnant twelve-year-old girls who were raped by their fathers and if they give birth will not only be scarred emotionally forever, stand a good chance of dying; or all the people in Africa who wouldn't have caught AIDS if they were using condoms; and homosexuals whose existence is an aberration. I guess their lives aren't as sacred as others.

Oops, that could have been construed as a terrorist attack. I guess I'll have to learn to be more careful or the Swiss Guard could be showing up at my door to take me to the Big House for questioning.

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About Richard Marcus

Richard Marcus is the author of two books commissioned by Ulysses Press, "What Will Happen In Eragon IV?" (2009) and "The Unofficial Heroes Of Olympus Companion". Aside from Blogcritics his work has appeared around the world in publications like the German edition of Rolling Stone Magazine and the multilingual web site Qantara.de. He has been writing for Blogcritics.org since 2005 and has published around 1900 articles at the site.
  • Baronius

    Denouncing the Church at a May Day celebration in Italy is pretty serious stuff. Italy has a history of Communist terrorism, and greater national support for Communism. May Day is traditionally a Communist holiday. It’s not the same as criticizing the Pope from a computer in Canada.

  • http://www.elitebloggers.com Dave Nalle

    It’s not THAT serious, Baronius. Communists are atheists. You expect them to say nice things about the church? And it’s not like there isn’t plenty to criticize the Pope about.

    Plus, there ARE communists in Italy who are heavily pro-terrorist. A lot of the funding for al Qaeda comes through Italy and communist groups there have been among the most outspoken propagandists for anti-western groups in radical Islam, some of which share some communist beliefs, like Hezbollah which is bsically a communist movement in origin.

    That all being said, the Vatican’s position remains a laughable overreaction.

    Dave

  • http://www.morethings.com/log Al Barger

    Richard- I always knew you were a terrorist. After all, you ARE a Canadian, and there’s nothing they won’t stoop to. Next thing you know, you’ll have Terence and Phillip making fart jokes about the Pope – with clear implications that his shit does in fact stink. Where will this anti-Catholic bigotry end?

  • Dr Dreadful

    The Vatican is, of course, not a democracy but a dictatorship. Its leadership is authoritarian and considers itself to be the sole repository of truth and right in this world. It therefore has a very hard time with any sort of criticism.

    We’re quite used to hearing this sort of threatening language from dictators (viz: Saddam), even though they’re often not in a position to back up their hyperbole with actions. I’m not equating the Pope with Saddam, but the Vatican’s geographical position within Italy – which is a democracy – does sometimes cause tension.

  • Arch Conservative

    It’s not THAT serious, Baronius. Communists are atheists.”

    That is correct Dave but you forgot to add that American communists are atheist, secularist commando, revisionist history writing, fascist scum.

    [Personal attack deleted]

  • http://blogcritics.org/writer/clavos Clavos

    Regarding the funeral issue:

    The Roman Catholic Church isn’t a nation or a government. It doesn’t have a Cobnstitution or Bill of Rights. What it does or says as regards Church dogma and/or policy is properly only the business of the Church itself and of its followers, and it doesn’t have to be ‘fair’ if it doesn’t want to be.

    When the Church promulgates rules or policies that only affect Catholic believers, no matter how adversely we may regard them, they really are only the business of the Church and its members.

    As Dr D wrote, it’s not a democracy. It doesn’t claim to be one, and it doesn’t have to be one if it doesn’t want to. If its policies anger its members and they leave the Church, that’s the Church’s problem, and it’s their problem only.

  • STM

    Most young Italian communists end up marrying “good” Catholic girls or boys and raising good Catholic families, some of whom may or may not later go on to become communists, when the whole cycle is then likely to repeated. The sacrament of confession is a wonderful thing.

  • MBD

    “The sacrament of confession is a wonderful thing.”

    We all need it.

    Those who deny it need it the most.

  • Marie antony

    No organisations or Dictatorship have been for nearly two Millennium. There are people within and outside the catholic church try to bring down the goodwill by there act. If the policies agree you accept it or if you have a better one then follow it.
    Everyone has a right to Criticize but pls let them give a solution which is agreeable to all. Then they would realise it difficulties.

  • Catholic Cajun

    Well this guy knows nothing about the Catholic Faith. Let’s dig deeper into the issue of birth control. There is only one 100 percent effective BC. (not having sex) Having contraseptives is the root of all of our problems of immoral sexual behavor. It gives people an excuse to use woman for there own sexual gratifiation with out any resposibilities or consiquences. The Catholic church is trying to protect people from being used. If you want to know the whys behind the whats of the Catholic church, I suggest you start reading as much as you can about John Paul II’s “Theology of the Body”. This book is a little deep. If you need a less profound book try “Theology of the Body explained”by Christopher West. This artical is a perfect example of a persons ignorance of human existance.

  • Dr Dreadful

    There is only one 100 percent effective BC. (not having sex)

    Didn’t work too well for Mary, now did it?

    (Sorry, I know it’s a cheap shot, but I couldn’t resist!)

  • MBD

    It did work…

    She had to consent.

  • Dr Dreadful

    It gives people an excuse to use women for their own sexual gratification with out any responsibilities or consequences.

    And of course women never use contraceptives and are always completely passive as regards sex.

    Get a clue.

    By the way, I took the liberty of correcting your spelling, which is quite atrocious.

    And MBD: Sorry if I offended you. It’s just that Cajun’s comment was like a whitehead: you just gotta squeeze it.

  • Mark

    Well said! I am a foreigner living in Italy and I find it shocking the level of control the Church have over the country. It is like being back in Ireland in the 1950s sometimes. The church have their nose in every part of people’s lives. I cheer the singer for having the guts to say the things he did, it took courage (for people not living in Italy it may sound like an overstatment, but its true)

  • fr jim t

    let’s see,
    were there any riots after the pope’s comments?
    were any people shot and killed?
    were any mosques burned down?

    i don’t read your blog often, thus, I am left to ponder what was your reaction to the response around the world when the “cartoon” concerning Mohammed was published?

  • Jay Kershaw

    someone should send the Vatican a copy of “Double Cross: The Code of the Catholic Church”

    If they are worried about one remark, that book should turn them ballistic.

  • MBD

    “Someone should send the Vatican a copy of “Double Cross: The Code of the Catholic Church”

    It’s author, David Ranan, a research student who graduated in 2002 recently had his PhD published. The title of the book, In Search of the Magic Flute – The Public Funding of Opera – Dilemmas and Decision Making. The book’s objective is to explore the purpose of funding opera, how that is achieved by public-funding bodies, and how it could be improved with particular reference to The Royal Opera House in London the Frankfurt Opera and the Bayerische Staatsoper in Munich.

    Sounds like a real authority on the history of the Catholic Church.

    Will his next book be on the Protocols of the Elders of Zion?

  • Nancy

    The Church can’t afford to stow any thrones when it comes to accusing anyone of terrorism; even now they practise it themselves, quite freely, by threatening to withhold communion or throw politicians who don’t do as they’re told out of the body of The Faithful (i.e. The Mindless)…one reason why so many of those who ARE educated &/or intelligent have taken JC’s advice to heart & shaken the dust of the Vatican off their feet as they walked out, never to look back. The RC church has been losing followers in droves for decades now, & the predatory priests scandal/coverups didn’t help. All in all, however, I’m not surprised by the reaction from the Vatican about criticism of the pope: remember, good ol’ Ratzinger was a Nazi in his youth, & is also the guy who helped his old buddy, Bernie Law, (formerly Cardinal Law of Boston) escape US justice & charges of complicity/aiding & abetting in the pedophilia cases in Boston, by providing him a change of venue to a permanent new job & comfy mini-palace of his own in Roma. Ratzie was also the guy who issued the orders to the US episcopal sees to make “blame the victim” the legal strategy for defense for so many years. He is, to put it mildly, a disgrace to the papacy as well as christianity in general – a real throwback to the Borgia & Medici popes, who had nothing on him when it comes to sophistry & corruption.

  • Dr Dreadful

    Without wishing to denigrate the pain of any genuine victims, I view this whole “priest abuse scandal” somewhat skeptically. It seems to have many of the hallmarks of the satanic abuse hysteria of the 90s. In both cases, we saw adults claiming to have “suddenly remembered” abuse that their childhood minds had buried. In both cases, a few well-publicized incidents led to hundreds, if not thousands, of accusations suddenly surfacing. Be careful.

  • Nancy

    But Doc, in most of these cases, the priests in question being accused confessed their complicity. Only one denied being involved, & he WAS exonerated on investigation. The rest all pled guilty as charged, once it couldn’t be covered up any more. So it wasn’t a case of false memories, of which I am deeply skeptical also. The clincher (for me, at least) was Cardinal Law’s fleeing to the safety of Ratzie’s side & the shelter of the Vatican, to avoid having to give evidence & possibly be indicted & jailed himself. In this case, the actions of The Church speak much louder than words, & their actions said that they considered their own hides & fiscal comforts & political power to be worth far more than the well-being of the souls they claim to shepherd, or the church they claim to rule. Their mendacity & hypocrisy are truly awesome. I suspect they don’t believe truly in their faith, otherwise in the forefront of their beady little minds would be their Boss’ words about better to drown in the sea, etc. – & from what I’ve heard, the consensus is God doesn’t buy ‘spin’.

  • Dr Dreadful

    But some of the accused in the satanic abuse saga also pled guilty. The whole thing got so crazy that they started thinking, “If my alleged victim suppressed his/her memories of the abuse, perhaps I did as well.”

    I can’t help feeling that the whole culture of the priesthood, which is all about the serving of God and the confession of sins, would result in huge pressure on accused priests to confess. I have to question, based on past precedent, how many of those confessions are genuine.

  • STM

    Doc, it’s been a huge issue in Australia – with a very large chunk of the population Catholic. There’s no doubt much of the abuse did occur, although you’d suspect some of it would derive from so-called suppressed memory syndrome.

    Not all, though, by a long shot. That’s the key. While there are many people whose lives have been ruined by such abuse, you could see it all as a microcosm of what goes on in the wider world. But for the most part, I’d say many of the Catholic clergy and members of religious orders I’ve encountered over the years do a great job in difficult circumstances.

  • Dr Dreadful

    I accept that there undoubtedly has been abuse, Stan, although just as undoubtedly it’s been hyped up to a frenzy by the media as usual. But I wanted to inject the “repressed memory” issue into the debate, since I haven’t seen it mentioned much elsewhere in relation to the scandal.

    I also realise that I’m coming across as an apologist for the Catholic Church, which I’m not. I have a lot of issues with them, not least their doctrine – much of which appears to have been made up by clerics in order to sidestep awkward questions.

    Catholics do have the best weddings though.

  • Nancy

    No they don’t – at least, IMO: Jews do. Actually, Greeks do, too, & Italians. Now THOSE people know how to party!

  • http://blogcritics.org/writer/clavos Clavos

    Um Nancy,

    Italians pretty much are Catholics…

  • Nancy

    Only nominally. All the ones I know are “officially” Catholic but when The Church is mentioned, they hawk & spit. Greeks, of course, are Orthodox, so I guess that counts, too.

    Gotta say the most fun I ever had at any wedding was at a Jewish wedding. It was a blast!

  • Steve Chang

    Hi Richard Marcus,
    Where is the original article you read?