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I Wake Up With a Massive Pee Boner

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And although it’s uncomfortable, and makes urinating rather awkward, I take great joy in it every day of my life, even though it goes away after I’ve peed. After all, it signifies the morning glory of my continuing potent manhood.

But will it one day fade away? I ask because an 80-year-old Groucho Marx once said, on accepting yet another award: “I’d give it up for just one good erection.”

When do men lose their potency? It seems to me you need two important sexual conversations with your parents. The first one, when you become a teenager. And the second one, when they’re old, and they can clue you in on sex and being old.

Do men still get hard, Dad? Do women still get wet, Mom?

Is it easier for women, because there’s always KY jelly for when they dry up? Does KY in fact make it all OK for the old gals?

What about men? Dad, do you still get a piss hard-on and a sex hard-on? Can you get a woody off a Playboy spread or do you need a live woman’s touch? Hey, Dad, are you screwing all the old ladies in your rest home? How many of you old geezers can still do it? At what age does one lose it?

I’m a little over halfway through my life, and I’ve noticed one slight loss of potency. I don’t always come automatically when I jerk off. Come to think of it, I don’t always come when I fuck, either. Is this the harbinger of a bigger future loss?

These are the full facts of life that I don’t know yet. Are there any of you out there who’ve had this second important discussion about sex with your parents?

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About Adam Ash

  • Steve S

    Are there any of you out there who’ve had this second important discussion about sex with your parents?

    Yes. With my mom, I did. It was pretty graphic, but she came from a different era where people just didn’t talk about these things, so she didn’t know and was grateful for all the knowledge I was able to give her about sex in her later years. Many people would probably be freaked out by the conversations I have with people as close as my mom or with people I hardly know.

    During the last few years of my mom’s life, the men in her life were impotent and it caused her all sorts of unhappiness and frustration. So I had to educate my own mom in how to take matters into her own hands.

    And I have straight female acquaintances ask me if they should be concerned because their husband likes a finger inserted into himself when they are making love, etc. (“Does that make my husband gay?”) I know this is graphic and all, but people really do want to know about sex, and it’s so taboo to talk about it, so many people don’t really know the most basic premises, I’ve found.

    But will it [morning wood] one day fade away?

    yep. When that happens depends on lifestyle as much as genetics. How active you are sexually, how active you are overall, your diet, your exercise, if you smoke or not, etc.

    When do men lose their potency?

    That also varies on factors. When we were going through a surrogacy, I had my, um, baby-making stuff analyzed, put under a microscope, and tested in all sorts of ways. That’s pretty standard in a surrogacy. One of the things they test for, is motility rate. How good your swimmers are. Because we changed clinics during the process, I had to be analyzed twice, over a three year period. My motility rate decreased by 2% in a three year period. So yeah, those swimmers do eventually tire out.

    The old adage ‘use it or lose it’, is very true. So yeah, be happy with your morning wood. Maybe if everybody did, this world wouldn’t be in so much turmoil.

  • Dawn

    I really wish I hadn’t clicked on this.


    I find that the biggest problem is explaining the wet bathroom walls and mirror to the missus.

  • Mark Saleski

    tell her you had the new Cattle Decapitation cd in yer pants.

  • Mike

    Adam, my advice— you live in NYC, right? Instead of wondering whether you’ll be able to use the in 20 years, get outside in the city and find someone so you can use it now!

  • Aaman

    Women really go for more than the motility of your ‘boys’ – money, potential, brains, etc.

    Perhaps the answer to your question related to the rate of telomere cropping – Telomeres are long, non-coding segments of DNA that appear at the end of chromosomes. These caps shrink with age and apparently restrict the number of times a cell can viably undergo mitosis without its DNA falling apart

    So the older you get, the smaller and weaker, your boys get. Perhaps.

    Then again, a lot of old men get babes – really good ones

  • Steve S

    I didn’t mean to imply that is what women go for, I was just addressing the question of, if men lose potency over time.

  • swingingpuss

    I thought Viagra ensured boners for senior citizens..

    And if you don’t come…well…maybe it means you need what we women always want of namely- foreplay;)

  • swingingpuss

    Add the word ‘more’ between ‘want and ‘of’

    dunno about sex drive but my brain cells sure are getting fried with old age

  • Paul Roy

    can somebody please explain to my wife that when I wake up every morning with pee boner, it is not becuase I have been dreaming of other women.

  • Temple Stark

    Sure, I’ll even buy her flowers.

  • Dawn

    Speak for yourself Steve – money is a very attractive quality in a man. Very handsome indeed.

  • Eric Olsen

    that old pee drive is stronger than ever

  • DrPat

    My late father-in-law was still getting dream erections at 92. He was mightily embarassed by the occasional “morning glory” as well, especially when my spouse was helping him to the toilet.

  • Steve S

    LOL, Dawn. I never said it wasn’t. I wasn’t addressing any qualities pro or con, about what women look for in men. I was only addressing the question of if men lose potency over time. I’m still confused as to how I didn’t word it right, but it’s not worth rehashing.

  • Nicolette Rivers

    I think most women will tell you that menopause is a bitch…not there yet, but I think it is not just a matter for KY, desire might diminish as the hormones are changing.

    Men should eat oatmeal…it helps keep the arteries clean so that blood can flow where it needs to be.

    I worked at a nursing home when I was 18. Yeah, some old guys still get hard. There was this old perv named Oscar who claimed he was too arthritic to hold it to pee…he just wanted a free stroke was the consensus opinion.

  • adam

    Dr Pat, yours was the good news I’ve been praying for. You’re a godsend. A boner at 92!
    As for perv Oscar, Nicolette, you guys should’ve helped him out with maybe a free double stroke — or three. What else did the poor guy have to live for?

  • -E

    Thank GOD I am still young 😉

  • swingingpuss

    Adam, don’t worry – take a look randy old men like Larry King, David Letterman, Michael Douglas, and Bob Dole(?), perhaps even a few blogcritics – of course what they have in common are hot babes – so perhaps you need to make sure you have one;)

  • adam

    Young -E,
    Don’t crow, you’re still heir to all the problems of young ‘uns: premature ejaculation, bad foreplay, bad taste in partners, etc. I pity you from my older perspective. Youth is so wasted on the young.
    Swingingpuss, will you be my hot babe?

  • Bennett

    What’s this talk about KY??? Who needs that goopy crap? As cunning linguists, BCers know better.

  • Aaman

    So Bennett, you are into cunning stunts?;)

  • Bennett

    Aaman, I can do push ups with the lingual digit. :-]

    Hey, I’m appreciated at home.

  • Nicolette Rivers

    Oscar had many lady friends.

  • Eric Berlin

    I like the first-person present tense header on your story. It’s all the more striking for the word-choice.

  • Bob

    Your only as old as the woman you feel………………

  • roxi

    hey people i dont know why but i always cum when i wank over lesbian vids but not over straight vids and i really want to know why

  • pooper

    cuz u dont see ding dong in lez vids lmfao

  • michael smith

    Yep, another reason to be gay. Women don’t “get” men. They can’t figure out how the equipment works or what to do with it.

    I kinda feel sorry for you straight guys.