In this day and age when gay marriage is such a huge talking point in this country, I think it is important to focus on a few things. First or all, look at what we all do for love and romance, no matter who you love or how you express it. Love and romance are really the things that we base all our relationships on anyway, right?
Don’t forget that this is a more practical age that we live in today, so rules have to change and the nature of relationships must also be changed forever. Sorry, to tell you, but I didn’t do it. I am just the messenger. Don’t worry though because there are people out there who are going to help you. Sure they might not be the typical sources for advice on love and romance, but in these changing times, they have amended their roles in this world to pick up the necessary slack left by the shifting of norms.
Let’s go through an exercise here. What are the most romantic things you can think of? What actions and items signify the love that we either have, or long for? Flowers, candy, backrubs, candle-light dinners, bracelets, necklaces, ear rings, vacations, beaches, sunsets, wine, holding hands, snuggling, all the dirty deeds that are reserved for the bedroom, and of course the ring that comes along with that dreaded C-word, commitment.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot one of the most romantic things. The thing that says “I Love You!” more than anything else in the world. The Prenup. That’s right. The Pre-nuptial Agreement. Come on. You don’t think the prenup is romantic? The contractually binding contingency plan for the eventual hatred-filled, statistically probable existence your relationship will end up in, is now considered just another part of the process. I was reading this article and it mentioned a book with this title, “Prenups for Lovers: A Romantic Guide to Prenuptial Agreements.”
From now on, your love and romance guidance counselors will also be financial planners and lawyers who have knowledge of state laws. They will be making you think the worst from the start, because that is what love is all about, apparently.
Fine. This is the last straw. This is a complete departure from the way marriage was originally intended. If you people can’t do it right, then I am just canceling marriage altogether. Forget gay marriage. I am sorry, but all these bad, straight apples have ruined it for everyone. I hearby cancel the whole “sacred” institution. There is no more sanctity to protect, so we will just cancel the whole blasted thing.
It’s like when I was a kid and I was supposed to go somewhere with my parents and my two siblings. One of us would screw up by doing something bad. We might fight over the front seat. I might say something that I wasn’t supposed to say. One of us would throw an unexplainable tantrum of some kind. As a result, my mom or dad would say, “That’s it. Get back in the house. We aren’t going at all anymore.” This would occur despite the claims from one of the innocents in the situation, that we didn’t all deserve to be punished. It never worked when I was a kid, as none of those trips were ever reinstated. My parents didn’t care if two of us had been good. It was ruined and failure to comply by any member of our little clan would result in loss of privilege for the entire group.
Who knows, maybe the gay folks are the good kids in this scenario. We will never know because you dysfunctional folks forced me to cancel the whole thing.
Maybe next time you will think of that before you get out of hand.
Now go to your room.