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Hypothetical Questions…

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Hypo #1

You are to be the Best Man at your best friend’s wedding. So, you do the right thing, and get him a hot blonde stripper with massive (fake) boobs for his Bachelor Party.

Problem: She snorts a couple lines from her own personal stash of coke before doing her thing, and immediately begins acting bizarre. Sure, she’s giving lap-dances and showing off her bought-and-paid-for goods to the group, but she’s just acting odd. Like, unhinged.

At some point she goes into the bathroom with some other guy you barely know, who is also in the wedding party.

Ten minutes later, he rushes out, highly-agitated, pulls you aside, and babbles something about needing help. You go into the bathroom, and see what is clearly the stripper’s dead body lying on the floor. Her head has been brutally smashed in numerous places, and her blood runs from these wounds.

He claims they were having sex when she suddenly went bananas and began clawing at his face. His face does indeed show fresh, open wounds. According to him, in order to stop her, he grabbed her by the throat and banged her head against the wall a few times. Next thing he knew, she was motionless and not breathing.

Of course, such an incident, if it were to become public, would put a massive damper on your buddy’s wedding the next day, as well as possibly lead to this other fellow winding up in a prison cell for a few years.

He begs you to help him throw the body out the bathroom window, and then dismember it and bury it in a nearby park. While he is asking you this “favor” he is also all coked up himself, and wildly waving around a straight-razor that he found in the bathroom.

Do you:

A) Tell him he’s nuts, and that the police should be called

B) Agree to help him mutilate and dispose of the body

Hypo #2

You are the President of the United States. One morning, two nuclear weapons are detonated on US soil in major cities. Both cities suffer hundreds of thousands of casualties. It turns out that a third city was spared because the nuclear device was luckily a dud. The individual carrying this dud is quickly apprehended, and he turns out to be an Arab male from Syria with an Iranian passport.

The Stock Market crashes. There is chaos in the streets of all major US cities. Gas prices triple overnight.

Do you:

A) Unleash total nuclear devastation from Morocco to Indonesia, killing hundreds of millions, and turning a large portion of the world into a sheet of glowing green glass

B) Expel all Muslims from the US, and build a literal wall around America

C) Call up Osama and sue for peace

Hypo #3

Bill Clinton offers to baby-sit for your 13-year old daughter.

Do you:

A) Let him, and then take her to a doctor to make sure her hymen is stick intact

B) Say no, and then get an IRS audit in 2009, after Hillary becomes President

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About RJ

  • S.Rod

    RJ:
    Have you been watching Very Bad Things? ;)

  • http://www.magicjunk.com/blog/ Mark Sahm

    This is like the evil twin to Aaman’s Quiz.

  • MCH

    Hypothetical question #4:

    Bobby (RJ) Elliott finally admits that his phony excuses (asthma and near-sightedness) for not attempting to serve his country are spurious.

    Do you:

    a) Say nothing, knowing he was faking it all along

    b) Advise him to stick with the excuses, at least they’re better than Rush Limbaugh’s supposed “cyst” on his rear-end

  • http://www.roblogpolitics.blogspot.com RJ

    Shoot…Brit Hume practically stole my Hypo #2 in the GOP debate the other night! :-/

  • lucy

    why is there a expiry date on sour cream