(A modified version of this post first appeared at my site, ingrown brain stem.)
First there was “What Sucks, copygodd?”. Then there was the sporadic appearance of “Who Is Smarter Than Whom?. Now, I’m proud to introduce the next big gimmick here at the stem: “What Would copygodd Do?”. Here’s how it works: You ask me a question and I tell you what I’d do.
Of course, since it’s a brand new bit, nobody’s had a chance to ask a question yet. So I’ll start off with one from my good friend scoop newsworthy over at Tinfoil Hat Pundit.
Q: Even before September 11, illegal immigration was a serious problem. But now our porous border is no longer just a source of cheap labor; it’s also a matter of national security. Since the federal government refuses to fulfill its constitutional duty, citizens’ groups such as the Minuteman Project are taking matters into their own hands. Given the chance to fix the problem of illegal immigration, what would copygodd do?
A: Good question, scoop (if that is your real name). As I see it, the two biggest obstacles to fixing the immigration crisis are documentation and deterrence. The illegals aren’t documented, which makes them hard to find and deport. And there’s no real deterrent to keep them from returning when we do deport them. To fix the documentation problem, the President has offered up his “It’s Not Amnesty Because I Say It’s Not Amnesty” Amnesty program, wherein he’d grant amnesty to all illegals who are here to do the jobs that “Americans won’t do”, ie pick lettuce, pick fruit, etc… To fix the deterrence problem, he’s offered up nothing.
Here’s what copygodd would do…
First off, I’d go ahead with the initial stages of Dubya’s “INABISINA” Amnesty program, and tell all illegals to come in on a certain day and we’ll give them documentation. Then, when they show up, I’d cut off the index finger of their right hand and deport them. Not only will this serve as a pretty strong deterrent against their returning, it will also make it easy to spot them if they do decide to break the law and sneak back in to the country. Plus, the legal aliens (with whom I have no problem) will always make sure they have their identification, for fear of having a finger chopped off and being deported.
Of course, under our current system, a high percentage of illegal aliens are repeat offenders: we catch them, ship them home, and the following week we catch them again. President Bush’s plan does nothing to address this problem. However, under my plan, every time we catch them, we simply chop off another finger. After their eighth capture, we kill them. Because everyone knows you can’t pick anything if you don’t have any fingers.
And that’s what copygodd would do.
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