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How to Spice Up Your Sex Life and Save Your Relationship

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The Question:

My partner and I have been together for two years now and we have been living together for about four months. Now that we are living together I feel that our relationship has changed. We hardly ever have sex, probably once a month is about all we manage to achieve.

I love sex and I'm sure that my partner does too, but for some reason we just can't seem to make an effort to do the wild thing – one of us or both are always tired and sometimes it feels like we're losing sexual compatibility; now it seems like I've had more passion in the past with other men or in the beginning of our relationship.

We do love each other and we've been through a lot together but I feel that our relationship is changing and I don't know what to do about it.

We are becoming more like best friends everyday and I'm scared that the passion is fading. His idea of seduction and mine are totally different – he thinks 'Let's have sex?' is an acceptable phrase into seducing a woman into hot sex, where as I would rather be pinned up against a wall without a word being said and so on…

When we weren't living together our relationship was great; we did struggle a bit in the sex department but three times a week compared to once a month was a vast improvement.

Any advice you have considering this situation would be greatly appreciated. I don't think I want to lose my relationship but I don't know if I have the will power to save it – I don't know what to do.

The Answer:

You might be surprised to learn that almost all long-term relationships go through this phase where everyone seems to get a little lazy. From my experience, it seems to happen somewhere between 18 months and three years into the relationship.

Here are some ideas that will help you make the best decision for you.

Does he know how you feel?

Open and honest communication is the most important component of any relationship.

Talk about it! Yes, with him, not with your girlfriends, not with anyone else. It's absolutely amazing how many lovers simply don't communicate openly and honestly with one another. 

So many guys chat about their love live with their buddies, often as a way of bragging and showing off. And then they ask their guy friends if this or that sex idea would be okay. This is a bad idea for guys and girls. If you're trying to figure out what sexual experiences to try out, talk with your lover not your buddies.

So, does he know that you crave hot spontaneous sex, or that you get excited by playing a little rough? Guess what, he might like that too! Or he might not, but you'll never know if you don't explore this topic together. And by the way, you'll have a lot of fun and get a lot closer in the process.

Don't hurt anyone's feelings and check your ego at the door

It's a strange thing, but sex partners often get their feelings hurt when one of them suggests trying something new, or doing something a little differently.

Get over it! The point of sex and intimacy is to enjoy each other and be happy together! Unless of course you're focused solely on making babies – but that's not the topic of this article.

Getting comfortable and killing your relationship

Complacency, also known as "getting comfortable" is the death knell of so many relationships, it may as well be a full blown epidemic. So many couples strive to "get comfortable". What that means is they stop trying. And guess what… you stop trying, and your relationship dies. It's that simple. The excitement and attraction dies, and your relationships becomes a project that you're always fixing up. That's no fun.

So how can you add that spice and excitement back into your relationship so that you're not just lusting after those hot bodies at the gym?

Seduction as a game for lovers – the chase begins anew

The thrill of seduction doesn't end when you get into a relationship. Why give up such a wonderful thing, even if you could?

Admit it, we enjoy the chase. I know I do and I'm at peace with it. And if you're not chasing your lover, you'll end up chasing someone else. We're just wired that way. So let's just accept that fact and use it to our advantage.

When was the last time you tried to seduce your partner? No, I'm not talking about coming home and saying "Hey, let's go have sex". Blah! Boring!

I mean dressing up to look your best, wearing something sexy and feeling sexy.

Some of the best and most exciting sex is spontaneous sex, when you're so wrapped up in the heat of the moment that you just can't stop from ripping each other's clothes off! Now that's excitement. And doesn't it sound more fun than "Hey, let's go have sex"?

Schedule hot sex dates

You go through the trouble of scheduling lunch and dinner appointments with just about everyone in your life. How about paying at least that much attention to your lover? Make time for that really steamy hot date, and plan accordingly. That way you'll both be anticipating it all day, or all week. 

Make a sex date box

Here's a neat idea. Get together with your lover and each of you jot down a steamy date idea on a piece of paper and agree that each time you go on a hot steamy date, you'll pick a card from your special sex date box.

Watch some erotic movies – together

Basic Instinct, Wild Orchid, 9 1/2 Weeks – it doesn't have to be Playboy porn, just something that gets you excited; trust me — he'll get excited simply by you being excited.

Go out and buy some hot lingerie – together

What could be more exciting than shopping for hot lingerie together? By the time you're done, you'll be well in the mood for a hot sex date.

How about going to an adult toy store – together?

Maybe go visit an adult toy store together. Even if you don't buy anything, you're sure to have a lot of fun checking out all the merchandise.

Mix it up with some new sexual adventures

Doing the same old thing over and over again is bound to get boring. You wouldn't watch the same TV show for the rest of your life, would you?

Try something different. Whether you're up for a threesome or interested in the wild latex world of BDSM, the same idea applies.

Be open to new experiences. Venture out and keep it exciting.

In summary

  • Talk with your partner about sex. Really, make a date to sit down and go over it. Then resolve to always talk about it form then on.
  • Check your ego at the door. If your partner makes sex suggestions and you get defensive, then you're missing the point completely. Get over it and put your partner first. You'll be glad you did.
  • Don't strive to get "comfortable" in a relationship. If you're there, break out of it before you doom your relationship for good.
  • Bring the excitement of seduction and the chase back into your relationship – fast.
  • Actually schedule some hot sex dates with your partner. Really.
  • Keep it exciting with some new sexual adventures. Try new things. Open your mind and explore the entire world of sex possibilities.
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About Dan and Jennifer

  • melissa

    i love this article…i’ve recently purcahsed a new lingerie and i’m waiting on the right moment to put it on .but we have a 6month old baby and we both work 8:00-5:00 shifts.thanks to your article which i enjoyed there are going to be some changes in my sex life .THANK YOU.

  • http://theugliestamerican.blogspot.com Andy Marsh

    How ’bout this…August 2nd will be my wife and I’s 25th wedding anniversary…

    WE only knew each other two weeks when we went to Vegas and got married.

    The only thing that makes a marriage work is that both of you have to want it to work.

  • uhnawneemuss

    Thanks for the suggestions. Appreciate it :)

  • http://FollowThatPackage.com LoverOfToys

    This is a great article, but there is always more to add to the solutions. Yes, I agree after time the sex life diminishes and you do have to work at it all the time. Marriage is work and so is your sex life to keep it going. There is too much temptation out there on TV, Magazine Covers and so forth. You need to experiment, do things you normally wouldn’t do to keep it interesting. People get tired at night after working, taking care of the kids, but put your best foot forward and make the effort. I know my man loves it when I initiate the act because it makes him feel wanted and it tells him I am in the mood. Granted, he can tell if I am not in the mood and it doesn’t make for great sex. Help eachother release tentions and relax to get in the mood and most of all make him feel wanted and you’ll get what you want most. A great sex life. Don’t forget to change it up though.

  • joe

    this seriously helped alot, i was alone while reading this, im going to ask my girlfreind to read the exact article after she’s done work, i really hope this helps..

    wee been together for about 2 years and a half, i love her to death but dont get me wrong, the sx drive has ruined alot for us, i think its very unhealy we have had intercourse unde 10 times in that long period of time..

  • http://spiceyoursexlife.blogspot.com DJ

    I almost let a boring sex life ruin my marriage…you just kind lapse into a sex “routine”! You start to lose your drive and people setle for that!! I did.

  • TT

    I am really struggling to keep this relationship going.I’m losing interest in sex but i’m going to try to livin things up.

  • bex1984

    my man never wants to have sex with me.. ive tried the whole dressing up things ive bought toys and still not interested i love him to bits and he loves me but im not sure how long this can last like this its so boaring and we need help

  • chelsea

    So I read this artical. And I love it! Me and my boyfriend have been dating scince high school, haven’t made the marriage plunge yet but we will when the time is right. But we were having a lot of problems with when the right time to have sex was. this really helped to just sit down and talk about getting hot with each other. And the sexy date box works really good!
    Thanks a lot

  • Anonymous

    What do u do when all options have been brought to their attention? I have told my man that I want to try different things, and he states he’s not into it before even trying it. I’ve done the foreplay, the quickies, different rooms or places and still our relationship is in quick sand!

  • melissa

    men are pathetic they cause half the sex problems they should be a man an step up to the plate..bring on the sex moves stop waiting for us females an if they treated us like they loved us more an with respect and learnt how to be nic we would be ripping there clothes of at any chance..

  • Jenn

    I think it is so easy to fall into a rut and you just need to be creative and also keep in touch with who you are. I recently attended a teleseminar by Sherri Nickols at Unleash Yourself called How to Find & Own Your Playful Sexy Self and it was very eye opening. I learned some great ideas about how to spice things up. I also bought some essential oils from her site to help spice things up and has definitely added a new twist.

  • Lorenzo

    Why am ‘I’ the one who’s reading these articles, n who does the figuring out -not only our problems, but ‘her’ problems. Who has to seduce her ‘her’ way? Everything in my life has become a detour because of compromises in relationships- SEX TOO! And i wonder why I’m addicted to porn-Quid Pro Quo. Couple wanks a day and carry on with our happy relationship.. anticipating bottled up frustrations n blame slipping out in spiteful arguments, and alas wearing down love and essence in every corner between two once so grateful, happy and loving people. A True match not so long ago…

    After reading melissa’s rant about men…first becoming defensive, then taking notes(> thx melissa.) I had a go from my male perspective. It also helped me try to figure out why i’ve given up on sex in our relationship. In reality we still love each other, and i’m not just ranting here, but trying to honestly figure out why i go ‘ugh’ after finishing yet another article on how to improve sex in a relationship.

    Although i must say this article got me fired up, especially now that i feel lighter from jotting the crap down :)

  • Lorenzo

    ..after the longest period of abstinence yet – we had fantastic sex last night. thank you article n comments!!

  • Vahn

    I got one word for ya…………TOYS

  • frustrated

    eh… this article only covers what’s totally obvious. We’ve (of course) talked, used toys, played with kink, tried scheduling, not scheduling, shaving, changing how I dress, etc., and it’s not making any difference whatsoever. He *knows* I’m hot, and he was initially totally attracted to me (I look the same as when we met, except now I wear clothes that he likes more), but, now that the chase is over, he can’t see that I’m hot anymore! We have terrific communication, and he’s not lying, but I’m crawling outta my skin here. :(

  • Alex

    After some time, it is almost inevitable to fall into a sex routine. That alone is enough to ruin a relationship or marriage. We need to find new twists or some unexpected changes. There are a lot of good books and seminars around on this topic.

  • mom of 5

    well after 13 years of marriage and five kids I totally agree with the article couples can get into a routine in the bedroom but you have to put your best foot forward and give it an effort its one of the keys to a happy relationship.

  • The Wet Beaver Company

    We have been having sex for 9 years and it is great!!! ha ha ha u guys need to let yourselves go and if you have ever heard that girls cannot cum – its not true!

  • coulda shoulda

    I wish I had read this 5 years ago. I could have kept him from leaving me.

  • Anne

    hey, great article.. but I’ve try all your suggestion..it still does’t work out…
    does we meant to be together…
    we have been together for 1 year…he nice to me…he love me, caring and romantic…just our sex life…not even once a week..and im not happy with that…

  • Nicci

    Ok so my bf was the one telling me that things were getting boring. We have done the sex toy thing, the lingerie thing, rough sex, you name it. We havn’t done the threesome thing and I’ll tell you why. He would rather play video games with our 14 year old neighbor on my only night off then spend any time with me. He dosn’t compliment me anymore and we never go anywhere. My argument with him is why would I want him to screw someone else if I’m constantly worried about if he loves me anymore or not? I’m only thirty and not interested in other people. I only have eyes for him. He’s thirty eight and is complaining about not getting any younger and that there are experiences out there that he has yet to try. Is he going through mid life crisis or is there someone else?

  • Rosemary

    I’ve been with my other half over 4 years I’m 25 he’s 31..I’m just losing the plot..I feel so dirty having to beg for sex..he seems to think once or twice a month is more than enough..I have issues with low self esteem and depression and this is really not helping me..he says I have an abnormal sex drive..and just ignores anything i try..I love him to bits but I just don’t know what to do anymore

  • DEE KHALO

    i THINK GO ON A SEX DIET, IT WORKS!!!

  • Molly

    After 21 years together, age 38,
    You are happy because you kept your figure and they ask you to have a boob job.
    You are proud that you stayed faithful and they ask you to sleep with another man.
    This is what happens when you reach the end of the above list….maybe I’m boring but I’m going to keep saying no.

  • Robert

    I’ve known my wife for 6 and a half years. We’ve been married for just over two years now. It’s true after you get married your sex life only gets worse. I’ve tried everything but nothing seems to get her going. If i try forplay or suggest sex games, she’ll take them as stupid ideas which puts me off and upsets me. I’ve told her that I’m not happy with our sex life and what the problems are but she doesn’t seem to take any notice. I know she’s not cheating. But I don’t think I get back even half of the love that i’m giving. I think she loves me but she says that’s just the way she is – she doesn’t show alot of emotions. I’m serously considering divorce. I don’t want to but I’m getting depressed about the fact we’re not having enough sex. HELP!

  • helpless

    Can someone help me? I have been in a relationship with my bf for three years now.We have had a pretty great sex life up until he asked me to have threesomes (m/f/m). I did agree at first but after the third threesome he would turn on me and blame me for doing it.I told him that i wouldnt do it again because it is not worth us losing our relationship over because i love him so much and i don’t want to hurt him.Now he is asking me again to do it but i am afraid to do it because i am not sure how he will react. Is there anybody out there to help me out on what i should do?

  • http://www.maskedmoviesnobs.com El Bicho

    No offense but your bf sounds like an idiot. He wants these situations then gets mad when they happen. That makes no sense whatsoever. Honestly, he sounds like a mess. You should leave him

  • mitch

    Well my girlfriend cheated on me n is repulsed by sex now wot do I do?

  • james

    i think that woman need to understand that they are the gate and a man doesn’t think that the gate is always open, this isn’t the mans fault, woman have sex when they want it, men get it when woman want it! if a man forces himself (assuming) she wants it makes the man be feel confused. doing alot of wierd stuff might make him feel insecure, and feel that maybe my woman wants sex with someone else! understand that society and all it’s hickups have caused men to be like this, men don’t care if woman have stretch marks or a huge ass, men like security and those aint relationship values, it’s all about knowing your partner and loving that person inside, many woman think men are insecure because they react to many relationship issues poorly, but men react poorly because they dread relationship issues, men like peace! and a stable home, solving issues with sex (make-up sex) doesn’t help, that can cause more arguements just so the partner can have sex, that causes insecurities and is a negative towards the actual problem, spice it up without warning, men love this, and if that man don’t then maybe he aint telling you something. this is my opinion and not results vary from relationship too relationship. enjoy your partner like a meal, EVERYDAY!

  • Jess

    Amen! Im at the five year mark with my now fiance and bored out of my mind. this is it this is who i want for the rest of my life but then again i have second thoughts because the passion is gone there is no more and the even big problem is he thinks all is well and no matter how often i talk to him and believe me i do he does nothing. He has become selfish in the past years and he started out so amazing not like any other man in the worl but i guess things change time passes i can just hope it goes the right way

  • Big Surf

    You know as I read this I realized that in my heart I knew this. I guess it just kinda woke me up. I will use these things to make my woman the happiest woman alive. Thanks for the push in the right directions.

  • MRS.SCOTT

    ME AND MY HUSBAND HAS BEEN TOGETHER FOR 8 YRS MARRIED FOR 6. NOTHING SEEMS TO BE WORKING.. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING FROM A THREESOME, SEX TOYS, DIFFERENT KINDS OF SEX, SHOWING UP NAKED AT HIS JOB, ROLE PLAY, I MEAN THINGS SOME WOMEN WOULDN’T THINK OF..BUT STILL OUR SEX LIFE IS BORING.. WHAT ELSE IS THERE LEFT TO DO

  • jen

    me and my partner had a great sex life when we met then i found out he had being txting and emailng other girls and its never being the same i lokk at myself and think whats wrong with me y did he do that to me? i cant feel sexy round him anymore but cant let him go any ideas?

  • Sean

    I really enjoyed this article and those tips that are mentioned are good.

    I’ve been with my girlfriend for three years and we’re up to the 3some option but that’s more lip service then reality.

    My complaint is it feels like I have to go to her every time or else she’ll just say “ok lets do it” yeah that’s exciting. Or, ok here I am, as if I’d never seen her before. Yes you are just as hot as the day we met. Now if she physically would initiate things more often, that would be fun. Oh, and pay attention during sex. I hate when she is to busy thinking about the rest of life to stay in the moment.

    We talk about all this as well. What really drags us down is we both have lots of individual stress. Mitigating that and still finding quality time after the chores of life are done is hard.

    Needless to say we’re working on it but its frustrating.

    P.S. Realistically I don’t think the institution of marriage (or any long term relationship) ever really took sexual desire into the equation. We try and rise above our animal desires to keep the rest of the world stable. House of Cards.

  • melody

    My partner and I have been together almost 11 years, we have 3 awesome boys. The only problem is we have become more like siblings/best friends than lovers, oh how I miss the days of hot passion. I feel very selfish, but my sexual needs have not been met in a LONG time! How long can it go on? I am a faithful person, and he is to, but seriously are we really made to be with one person for the rest of our lives. I sorta joke around with him that I wish that there was one cheat day a year. Oh how nice it would be ;)

  • Josh

    Trust me, to all those who think that your not having sex because your partner isn’t attracted to you anymore, its not true. This goes mostly for the guys out there but your woman will not tell you what she really wants haha. Not all woman but a lot of them. They want you to figured it out, its more real, more romantic/sexy that way. Just be assertive. 90% of the time, being aggressive will give you the results you want!

  • California

    This article is great Wow, everything you explained in that article is SO dead on. from the 2 year relationship to the 1/ month sex… the tips are very helpful.. I will try them. its weird that we would have this issue especially when I am actually really hott and beautiful and young… im almost 10 years younger than him… and much more attractive… the idiot doesnt know what he has yet, hm.. ok sorry getting bitter. ok will try them!! thanks.

  • katie

    I have been married for 6 yrs I am 24 and my husband is 38 we are haveing a lot of problems in the sex department and I don’t know what to do I have tried lots of different things I feal like he’s no longer in love with me???? Please what can I do HELP I FEAL A DIVORCE COMMING ON!!!!!

  • thomas marshall

    hey all..me and gf are goin three and half yrs together..i love the so much,wrds cant dscribe..few days ago i notice was up with my girl and i asked her wats wrong,she said this aint wrkin for me cuz i avnt loved the same way since xmas…we talk today,she moved bk into our hse but she says she care for me alot,but she wants a fresh start with me, but dats means friends,i cant kiss her and we are not sleepin in the same bed…i am totally confused,i means i would drop dead for the girl..now i no i av been wrkin alot,and i always said i was tryin to keep a roof ovr oura heads,she feels less important,dat her passion is gone,like she been pushd to the side…now i admit i wrkd alot,but i was a blind and didnt see this coming..any advise gladly accpetd..

  • Tony

    In my opinion I think that we make our selves less interested in each other over the years . We stop each other from doing the things that made us want each other from the start. Look back and see what it was he or she did then that made you mad with lust and see how much of that you still do or allow each other too do. did you stop your parter from being who they was when you meet. So now there is nothing too intrest you because there not allowed to be the person you fell in love with anymore.

  • Tony

    Just curious , have you ever noticed many time when people split up and go there own way . They start getting our there nice sexy clothes things they would not where when they where together . they can whip there bodies back into shape. They will do anything too get whom there interested in things they would never do with there last partner. why is that . You what the spice back in your life. both of you pretend your single again what would you do to get what you if you just meet. What would you wear , how would you act if there where no rules. Because if you don’t start realizing this you wont have worry there wont be any rule anymore . And guess what when you get your new partner it will be great at first , and guess boring will creep right back in again because you will make your bed the same way you did in the last relationship.

  • Tony

    Sorry about my bad grammer above, my mind writes faster than my fingers. but think about it how many of you have changed your look or behaviour for someone you was attracted too. Did you nagg or grip at this person lol nope you was as sweet as you could be . and if they seemed interrested in you , omg , the plot thickens. It’s all in the behaviour we we express or allow too be expressed. Or what happens if someone is attracted too your partner and you notice then jealousy steps in why . And suddenly your partner is the greatest thing ever ,or atleast till you get rid of the treat.

  • http://www.mrboldoni.blogspot.com mrboldoni

    Change the word change the world.

  • MalePerspective

    I’ve read through the previous comments and would just like to make the point to those who have attempted to make broad sweeping statements about “all men” or “all women” that each set of circumstances are specific to each relationship. If you do believe that all men or all women have the same viewpoint about sex then maybe you should look in the mirror before apportioning blame for a malfunctioning sex life. – Just a thought.

    As for my own situation, we’ve been together for over 10 years now. We still have sex once or twice a week, which is probably normal enough. I think I’m a good lover and I’m able give my OH an orgasm (or orgasms) practically every time we have sex. I like foreplay, go down on her now and again when I think she’s up for it and in a non-pushy way have let her know that I’m up for any kind of kinky stuff she might be into. All she has to do is suggest it and I’ll try and give it a go.

    Over the years I’ve brought a number of sex toys / games / books / videos / lingere / message kits etc. etc. into our sex life. Often I’ll include these as an extra birthday or Christmas gift, other times they’ll be suprise gifts on their own. Normally these items are only used once (if at all) and only if I make further suggestions to use them days and week after having originally given them as a gift. I find this extreemly fustrating having made the initial gesture to spice thing up to have to follow up with further requests.

    More generally I feel that my OH’s attitude to our sex life is lackluster. There are words I can use to describe her in day to day life that have just never applied to her as a lover. Words like kind, generous, giving and considerate. My main bugbear is her attitude to oral sex. She’s never performed oral, never attepmted to perform oral. I’ve only ever directly asked her to go down on me once and she out right refused. Over the years I’ve tried to open conversations about the underlying reasons on a few occasions but she get’s very defensive and I don’t get very far which is nearly as dissapointing as having never getting a bj from her in the first place. I do know that she’s never been abused or has any other major emotional baggage and doesn’t have any lesbian tendencies (that she knows of). Other than that I’ve never gotten any specifics on why she doesn’t want to go down on me.

    I know the male genetalia is sometimes likened to a piece of meat hanging out the side of a sharks jaws, but I think the aesthetics of an erect cock aren’t all that bad. Mine is generously proportioned without being intimidating. I keep it clean and well groomed. There aren’t any physical or technical issues with the act I can think of (hygine/sperm/gagging etc.) that can’t be mittigated in some way, so I’m at a loss as to where the problem lies.

    If there are any women out there who have issues with performing oral (and assuming he does enough to deserve it) find out what the issues are, discuss them with your partner and try to find ways around them. For the guys, don’t think that she will come around to the idea someday – she probably won’t. Her mind is unlikely to change so if you think you can do without for the rest of your life, good luck. From experience though, just be prepared for the occasional bouts of depression and resentment. If you don’t think you can do without – end it now no matter how painful you find that prospect.

    I seem to have ranted quite a bit about the lack of oral sex, but there are other issues. To quickly some it up, I am the giver in our sex life. It is left up to me to provide all the spice and inventiveness. I do constantly try to look on the bright side of things and will continue to try and improve things, though this is gettin harder with time. Her idea of doing something special though is going to bed without her nighty on.

    I’m not perfect either though. I struggle to be open about sex for fear of causing offence if I was brutally honest (though I would be the more open of the two of us). In the past I nearly cheated on her with one of her friends. We were both in need of a bit of an ego boost and took a bit of flirting further than we should without crossing the line. I often think it’s dumb luck that I’ve never cheated rather than any sort of moral fortitued on my part.

    I’ve tended to focus on the negatives of our sex life during this post. I am still in love with her and for the most part we have fun and enjoy our time together outside of the bedroom. Neither have I offered any advice or solutions to a poor sex life – to be honest I’ve started to run out of ideas myself. Hopefully venting anomously online will make me feel a bit better about myself for a while.

  • Scott LaRock

    I like the article and all of the comment, but I’m starting to just think that marriage means routine. I have tried much of what is listed in the article and I always get resistance from my wife. She is the one that throws on the lube and says “hope you can do a quickie”. I’d rather have mutual oral and spend at least 45 minutes at it. My great ideas always are shot down, because she thinks she can’t do it. I have done the same positions in the same place about a thousand times. I really have started to enjoy masturbation because I don’t have to beg for it and I know how to make it spicy.

  • zingzing

    scott la rock is dead! long live scott larock.

  • Iviles

    This article is very helpful for an unexpirenced couple that needs to spice up their sex life. I was looking for something that I never did. As said from everyone here we all are looking for some other different reasons for us to make it in our relationships. Just haven’t found it yet.

  • TONYA

    I BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP SINCE NOV.2010..HE GREAT PERSON WITH A BAD TEMPER,..SEX IS ALL OF TWO MINS AND I DONT HOW TO GET EXCITED ABOUT HAVING SEX WITH HIM..HE QUITE BORING..WHAT DO I DO?

  • Thirty-five

    Love this article! I was having the same problem!! At first we had sex at least 3 days out of the week and 3-5 times on those days and then we moved in together and slowly it was about once a month! It sucked and I was getting so irritated that my sexual needs weren’t being met. Finally I decided to do a little lingerie shopping which I’d never done in the past and he couldn’t keep his hands off me!! Can’t wait to wear the other babydolls I bought! It really made me feel sexy again having him desire me the way he did in the beginning!

  • nicolas

    Sometimes, I wonder if I really want to be in the relationship, because I really lust other women. But then I think… its just lust, so I masturbate to get the drive off my mind. But then, I feel I dont have the drive so to as have great sex with my girlfriend. I last dont las hard for as long as I used to with her, I get scared itll suddenly shrink and she will feel like crap, and that messes with the moment. We have sex like 2 times a month, and I wish it where more and better. Am I just getting accustomed to her? what the hell is going on?. Im going to stop masturbating and see what happens… and im going to be more imaginative in bed. And stop being so gooie, like oh i love you darling etc. Maybe thats killing it.

  • mary

    oh my goodness i just felt like i was reading what i wrote, with out having to write at all!!! your situation is mine – I love sex, i want to be pinned up aginst the wall, bed, counter, floor… agh anything – why cant i snap my fingers and were both in the mood seducing eachother??? why wont he seduce me anymore, its bull shit ;-( were becoming roommates – more and more everyday!!! what can i do

  • nor/cal AL

    IM 41 SHES 54 AND I THINK SHE IS JUST AS SEXY AS THE 1ST DAY I SET EYEWS ON HER.BEEN TOGETHER WHEN I WAS 24. 1ST 8 YRS WERE BEST DAYS OF MY LIFE. LONG STORY SHORT. THOSE YEARS WE WERE GYM RATS. WE MET THERE AND I HAD TO HAVE HER AND SNATCHED HER UP.AN OLD HABIT (DRUGS)STARTED AND SHE HUNG TOUGH BUT IT QUICKLY CAUSED MAJOR PROBLEMS!!! SPUN OUTTA CONTROL. IM A YEAR SOBER TODAY. AND I DONT THINK SHE FEELS LIKE I DO. BUT SHE WONT COME OUT AND SAY SO.I CAN TAKE IT IF THATS THE CASE,BUT SHES NOT A GOOD COMMUNICATOR. MY DAD JUST CO SIGHNED FOR A HOUSE FOR US.I WOULD JUST LIKE A STRAIGHT ANSWER FROM HER. IF SHE WANTS A FELLA LET ME KNOW AND WE CAN HAVE AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP.I NEED A WOMAN IN MY LIFE AND IM SURE SHE NEEDS A MAN. WE CAN BE FUCKING FRIENDS WITH MUTUAL BENEFITS.IF SHE CANT TELL ME THE MAN OF 15 YRS.THEN I WOULD HAVE TO MAKE UP HER MIND FOR HER. I LOVE HER BUT IM NOT GONNA B PUT ON ANYBODYS SHELF.I GOT NEEDS AND IM MSURE SHE GOTS HERS.IM NOT GONNA WAIT TILL SHES 65 AND DECIDES YOU REALLY WERE STOKED ON ME.TELL ME WHATS WHAT B4 I FIND THE LOVE I REALLY WANT.IF IM NOT WORTHY OF BEING HER BIG DADDY. THEN MAKE IT CLEAR THAT THIS IS AN OPEN SWINGING RELATIONSHIP. IM BEING HONEST SHES MY #1 PICK SINCE DAY 1. BUUT IF SHE DONT WANT THAT JUST SAY SO.TIME IS PRECIOUS SO SHES EITHER WITH ME OR AGAINST ME SIMPLE AS THAT!lynn the most beautiful woman i ever set my eyes on as we speak!DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY. HONEST IS THE BEST POLICY.WERE GOING THROUGH THE TOUGHEST TIMES IN OUR LIFE AND IWILL LOVE YOU UNCONDITIONALLY TILL THE DAY I DIE! LOVE ME OR LEAVE ME. U KNOW I FOOLED AROUND AND FELL IN LOVE!FLIP A QUARTER BABYDOLL.HEADS I WIN TALES YOU LOSE! YOU BLONDE HAIRED BLUE EYED STONE FOX.DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY.I CAN RESPECT THAT AND STILL LOVE YOU. LOVE YOU ALWAYS,doggy daddy. p.s im living sober. the only thing im addicted is to PUSSY. i get stoned off you girl.keep it100% with me babydoll.life will only get better. are we in bed together or not? INEED TO KNOW BABE.A.S.A.P LUV A.C.

  • Lisa

    After 6 1/2 years together, age 28
    I notice after i had my son my sex life is never the same like before. We hardly ever have sex anymore, maybe twice for the month if were lucky. Before i had baby we’re having sex 3 or 4 times a week. I think im the problem. Im not comfortable with my body anymore especially my boobs. Before i had really nice boobs good size after i had baby they just got really small. Im thinking about getting a boob job done. I feel i will feel alot better with my body and we’re have sex alot more if i get my boobs done. Im confuse and just dont know what to do.

  • wants to be inspired

    wow makes me feel better there are more people going through the same thing I am but I still have no idea what to do… we have tried the same sexy clothes, lingerie, toys but still nothing. Think I might try the sexy date box idea. We have been together now for 2 years and it is me always asking. I feel the same that he is not attracted to me anymore and why was it so good in the start and not anymore.. I don’t want to be with anyone else and I know he doesn’t either but I am lost at what to do… Is there a point you finally go maybe it is just not meant to be? and it shouldn’t be this hard…

  • Alise

    It takes a lot of time and effort to make a relationship work especially in the bedroom. my advise go hiking, have a picnic, just take nightly walks, and talk. Oh and on occasions purchase something sexy and show it off. Try new places, be teenagers again, wile, do it in the car or the woods. ;-)

  • Lorenzo

    i’ve posted here few years ago. Our sex life is now almost non existent.
    Just wondering has anyone used exstasy and maybe even together with viagra as an option?

  • thabisa

    yes i also feel the samething my sex life is not intresting anymore and we’ve been dating for four years now.

  • Ryan

    Hi there I was hoping someone can help me iv been with my partner for 2 and a half years. We use to have a really healthy sex life at least 5 – 10 time a week at one point but after the birth of our son which was 4 nd half months ago she just doesn’t seem interested at all! I’ve tried being sexy and flirty with her but she just seems to not be interested can anyone give advice? Plzzzzzzzzz

  • mpho

    practice makes perfect bt id like 2 learn more am shy 2seduce hm evertym he is da 1 hu start so ir makes me shy y hm always

  • mick

    ok people I’m 23 years old and me and my misses have been together for 14 months. Living together for about 9 of those months. We were very attracted to each other in the beginning and had lots and lots of awesome sex. All types of gnarly stuff. I have found that since we got our own place and had more responsibility the sex has slowed down and become less interesting, yet still very erotic and sensual. I would like to clear up the myth that its always the woman who is not interested and is too tired or busy because this is entirely false. I think that at the beginning of a relationship the partners are excited about sex with a new person, someone they are attracted to and possibly developing feelings for. This is why the sex is good, common and exciting. As time goes on the novelty of the sex you had wears off and it becomes like anything else. Having a 3 some or using toys and Shit won’t fix it. You have to talk to each other about each of your desires and fantasies. Men really need to step up and be the man and woman need to be confident and assertive when they want to get sexual. Keep it exciting! Biting, kisses, licking, massage, sexy talk, spontaneous excitement are all good examples of ways to arouse your partner.

  • JN

    I read your article and its good. But for me i feel awful. I caught my husband 35 talking to a 40 yearl old from his work. He wont accept he cheated but come on they just talked….since i found out i feel awful. I have tried on my behalf to work things out and get closer to him but it seems like he pushes me away…..help me

  • Ed

    Hello, me and my wife have been together for almost 7 years. I am a person tht feels if u have a healthy sex life than ur relationship will always be a great one! I have had lots of trouble for my wife to tty different things to spice up our sex life, i have hone yo buy toys, try diffrrent positions, many lubes, massages and nothing. Her remark is “I’m not that crazy girl you want me to be.” U see im not trying to make her be another person because i love her to death, but i would love for her to see my point of view. It is always two positions either the cowgirl or doggystyle. To tell u the truth i would love for her to be more open minded and a little more thrill seeking! I am the one tht always have to make the first move and she never tells me when she wants me! When i bring up this subject it seems as she never even listens! Like i said b4 i love her to death and i would never cheat on her to find what i want, but how can i make her see tht healthy sex is a healthy relationship! I feel like we are just friends now and i dont want tht because i feel she is my soul mate! PLEASE HELP

  • Keepitup

    For all you women out there who want more sex, I recommend wearing some sexy lingerie and nothing else, just lie there waiting or walk into the room where your husband/boyfriend is with a sexy look in your eyes. If he doesnt want you then he has a problem, I have never said no to my partner, not in 6 years and dont plan to. It’s usually the man who gets rejected (in my experience), typically we have higher sex drives.
    One thing I have learned, women hate being asked for sex and they hate it when you thank them after sex. They like to feel like you are the dominant male, self assured and they should be thanking you after you bend them over give it to them. You need to make it passionate, even if thats an effort.
    Girls – You should make some moves from time to time and always let a man have his way.
    Guys – You should make more moves on your woman and be more demanding, dont ask for sex just take it. Foreplay helps and try to hold off for at least 5mins, anything under that is a poor effort.

  • Janet

    I have been with my bf for 5 years. Our relationship is perfect in everything…except sex. It’s boring. I love porn, but get embarrassed watching it with him. I like sex, but get so lazy! I don’t know what’s wrong. He just does whatever I want. If i want sex, he’s fine. If I don’t he’s fine. I don’t get it. We’ve talked about it and make resolutions but forget them. It’s been almost 2 months since we had sex… :(

  • Erin

    Here are some tips.. wake up a few minutes earlier than usual make personal time with him before you both rush off to work. I usually will cuddle with my boyfriend and try to get him in the mood before I jump in the shower. Even if we don’t have time in the morning that little bit of teasing keeps us both in the mood for later . We both email/text each other what we want to do with each other that evening.

  • kelley

    Hi my name is Kelley I have problems with spicing. Things up with my future. Husband ;(

  • Cebu

    It’s so funny that I read this article and find that it’s all women not getting sex from the guy … I’m a 28 yr. old male 6 ‘3 260 lbs and have an amazing gf but she absolutely will not have sex … When we first started messing around it was 3 maybe4 times a day and now it’s just 1 time the past month. …. I’m very open and I have tried to initiate it by eating her out or massages but she just pushes and says no not now I’m tempted to give up but don’t want to … Ps .. It’s not a being scared of having a kid deal either as I have had a vasectomy 1 yr ago

  • Olivia 29

    Hi,have been with my man for 2yrs and engaged,our sex life was amazingly great,we couldn’t get enough of each other,Now,we barely have sex,most times am too tired to have sex,I Love him to bits,He says he isn’t attracted to me sexually anymore,I still find him sexually attractive,just have a lot going on.what do I do?I want to start enjoying my sex life again.

  • indiana

    I told my fiance to give it all because in the dark with their nyatsi’s they go wild, i told him that i want that also. ladies stop being shy, thinking how hes gonna think of you. do it or yourself

  • Nick

    After 30 years of marriage, long hours at work and play, two kids, my wife and I still find time for sex at least once a day. And sometimes more often on weekends. What is our secret? Treat every time, like your first. Fall in love every day. And use your imagination. Communication is key. Not talking, but actually communicating with each other.

  • Bigg Tim

    Ok…but wat do you do wen u just come in and just start having sex but she always stop u and say she tired…but she was texting me how horny she is and telling me wat she want me 2 do to her

  • TRACY

    My Name is Ms. Tracy Newton, I was married to my husband for 13 years and we were both bless with three children, living together as one love, until 2009 when things was no longer the way the was [when he lost his job]. But when he later gets a new job 6 months after, he stated sleeping outside our matrimonial home. Only for me to find out that he was having an affair with the lady that gave he the job. since that day, when i called him, he don’t longer pick up my calls and he nothing since to come out good. Yet my husbands just still keep on seeing the lady. Until I met a very good friend of my who was also having a similar problem, who introduced me to a very good love spell caster. But i told her that if it has to do with things that i am not interested, but she said that it has nothing to do with pay first. but the only thing he was ask to do was just to go and buy the items to cast the spell, and that was what she did. And she gave me the spell caster e-mail address and phone number. When i contacted him, i was so surprise when he said that if i have the faith that i will get my husband back in the nest three [3] day, and off which it was really so. but i was so shock that i did not pay any thing to Dr.obadam, but my husband was on his knells begging me and the children for forgiveness. This testimony is just the price i have to pay. This man obadam is good and he is the author of my happiness. His e-mail address obadamtemple gmail.com

  • Rico

    my name is Clara
    i just want to share my experience and testimony here.. i was married for 6 years to my husband and all of a sudden, another woman came into the picture.. he started hating me and he was abusive. but i still loved him with all my heart and wanted him at all cost…then he filed for divorce. my whole life was turning apart and i didn’t know what to do .he moved out of the house and abandoned the kids.. so someone told me about trying spiritual means to get my husband back and introduced me to a spell caster…so i decided to try it reluctantly. although i didn’t believe in all those things… then when he consulted his gods and cast a return and love spell, after 3days, my husband came back and was pleading. he had realized his mistakes. I just couldn’t believe it. .anyways we are back together now and we are happy. in case anyone needs this man, his email address kulataspelltemple@gmail.com his spells is for a better life. again his email is kulataspelltemple@gmail.com or call Dr kulata @ +2348165028579

  • virgina

    I want to say thanks to DR Lawrence for bringing back my lover to me , my husband said he want to divorce me for him to get married to another woman after we have been together for 3 years, few days for us to go and divorce, i saw some body testifying of what a spell caster have done for her so i decided to give a try and when i contacted him , he said that he can get him back for me’ the third day my husband stop the divorce and now we are together for good if you are in any type of problem in your relationship contact him via email: drlawrencespelltemple@hotmail.com