My partner and I have been together for two years now and we have been living together for about four months. Now that we are living together I feel that our relationship has changed. We hardly ever have sex, probably once a month is about all we manage to achieve.
I love sex and I'm sure that my partner does too, but for some reason we just can't seem to make an effort to do the wild thing – one of us or both are always tired and sometimes it feels like we're losing sexual compatibility; now it seems like I've had more passion in the past with other men or in the beginning of our relationship.
We do love each other and we've been through a lot together but I feel that our relationship is changing and I don't know what to do about it.
We are becoming more like best friends everyday and I'm scared that the passion is fading. His idea of seduction and mine are totally different – he thinks 'Let's have sex?' is an acceptable phrase into seducing a woman into hot sex, where as I would rather be pinned up against a wall without a word being said and so on…
When we weren't living together our relationship was great; we did struggle a bit in the sex department but three times a week compared to once a month was a vast improvement.
Any advice you have considering this situation would be greatly appreciated. I don't think I want to lose my relationship but I don't know if I have the will power to save it – I don't know what to do.
You might be surprised to learn that almost all long-term relationships go through this phase where everyone seems to get a little lazy. From my experience, it seems to happen somewhere between 18 months and three years into the relationship.
Here are some ideas that will help you make the best decision for you.
Does he know how you feel?
Open and honest communication is the most important component of any relationship.
Talk about it! Yes, with him, not with your girlfriends, not with anyone else. It's absolutely amazing how many lovers simply don't communicate openly and honestly with one another.
So many guys chat about their love live with their buddies, often as a way of bragging and showing off. And then they ask their guy friends if this or that sex idea would be okay. This is a bad idea for guys and girls. If you're trying to figure out what sexual experiences to try out, talk with your lover not your buddies.
So, does he know that you crave hot spontaneous sex, or that you get excited by playing a little rough? Guess what, he might like that too! Or he might not, but you'll never know if you don't explore this topic together. And by the way, you'll have a lot of fun and get a lot closer in the process.
Don't hurt anyone's feelings and check your ego at the door
It's a strange thing, but sex partners often get their feelings hurt when one of them suggests trying something new, or doing something a little differently.
Get over it! The point of sex and intimacy is to enjoy each other and be happy together! Unless of course you're focused solely on making babies – but that's not the topic of this article.
Getting comfortable and killing your relationship
Complacency, also known as "getting comfortable" is the death knell of so many relationships, it may as well be a full blown epidemic. So many couples strive to "get comfortable". What that means is they stop trying. And guess what… you stop trying, and your relationship dies. It's that simple. The excitement and attraction dies, and your relationships becomes a project that you're always fixing up. That's no fun.
So how can you add that spice and excitement back into your relationship so that you're not just lusting after those hot bodies at the gym?
Seduction as a game for lovers – the chase begins anew
The thrill of seduction doesn't end when you get into a relationship. Why give up such a wonderful thing, even if you could?
Admit it, we enjoy the chase. I know I do and I'm at peace with it. And if you're not chasing your lover, you'll end up chasing someone else. We're just wired that way. So let's just accept that fact and use it to our advantage.
When was the last time you tried to seduce your partner? No, I'm not talking about coming home and saying "Hey, let's go have sex". Blah! Boring!
I mean dressing up to look your best, wearing something sexy and feeling sexy.
Some of the best and most exciting sex is spontaneous sex, when you're so wrapped up in the heat of the moment that you just can't stop from ripping each other's clothes off! Now that's excitement. And doesn't it sound more fun than "Hey, let's go have sex"?
Schedule hot sex dates
You go through the trouble of scheduling lunch and dinner appointments with just about everyone in your life. How about paying at least that much attention to your lover? Make time for that really steamy hot date, and plan accordingly. That way you'll both be anticipating it all day, or all week.
Make a sex date box
Here's a neat idea. Get together with your lover and each of you jot down a steamy date idea on a piece of paper and agree that each time you go on a hot steamy date, you'll pick a card from your special sex date box.
Watch some erotic movies – together
Basic Instinct, Wild Orchid, 9 1/2 Weeks – it doesn't have to be Playboy porn, just something that gets you excited; trust me — he'll get excited simply by you being excited.
Go out and buy some hot lingerie – together
What could be more exciting than shopping for hot lingerie together? By the time you're done, you'll be well in the mood for a hot sex date.
How about going to an adult toy store – together?
Maybe go visit an adult toy store together. Even if you don't buy anything, you're sure to have a lot of fun checking out all the merchandise.
Mix it up with some new sexual adventures
Doing the same old thing over and over again is bound to get boring. You wouldn't watch the same TV show for the rest of your life, would you?
Try something different. Whether you're up for a threesome or interested in the wild latex world of BDSM, the same idea applies.
Be open to new experiences. Venture out and keep it exciting.
- Talk with your partner about sex. Really, make a date to sit down and go over it. Then resolve to always talk about it form then on.
- Check your ego at the door. If your partner makes sex suggestions and you get defensive, then you're missing the point completely. Get over it and put your partner first. You'll be glad you did.
- Don't strive to get "comfortable" in a relationship. If you're there, break out of it before you doom your relationship for good.
- Bring the excitement of seduction and the chase back into your relationship – fast.
- Actually schedule some hot sex dates with your partner. Really.
- Keep it exciting with some new sexual adventures. Try new things. Open your mind and explore the entire world of sex possibilities.