If you've been reading infowars.com or 911truth.org, by now you realize that you're in serious trouble if you don't start taking essential steps to protect your brain. Not only do you have to worry about the Council on Foreign Relations' orbital mind control satellites, but now Google Earth has microwave lasers to read your thoughts from windowless black vans that roam our neighborhoods. And if that's not bad enough, airliners are dropping psychoactive chemtrails on your head, while your own cell phone is beaming radiation into your gray matter to kill you with a brain tumor so that the Chinese can use your body to host an alien parasite they have genetically engineered to operate your body like a puppet.
There is only one time-tested defense from all of these threats, the tinfoil hat. Now I know you've heard a lot about the efficacy of these fabled protective devices, but there are some facts you may not know, and details which the agents of the New World Order have purged from the public record to keep you defenseless and in ignorance. Here – at least until the Illuminati gets wise and deletes this article – are the secrets of designing and constructing the most effective possible tinfoil hat, so that the next time you go to a local Ron Paul meetup or out for a beer with your Truther friends, you won't unwittingly be turned into a remote operated spy for the Illuminati.
First there's the issue of materials. Traditionally, tinfoil hats have been made of tinfoil. Go look in your kitchen. You'll notice that the stuff you call 'tin' foil is actually made of aluminum. In the 1970s the global corporatists of the metals industry replaced our actual tinfoil with aluminum foil in an effort to reduce our access to the protective properties of true tinfoil. It was a clever stratagem, because traditionally constructed hats made from aluminum foil have only a fraction of the radiation reflecting properties of a true tinfoil hat. Thankfully, this can be addressed by using an alternative design, which has been suppressed by a conspiracy of Opus Dei librarians, but which I will reveal here. Of course, you can use tinfoil, and in fact, some other foils are even more effective. Copper foil has double the value of tinfoil and gold foil is even better. In fact, more compact hat designs can be used with these metals, such as the gold-lined yarmulkes used by agents of the JDL and AIPAC. But gold foil is prohibitively expensive, tinfoil is hard to find, and copper foil has become increasingly expensive because of the copper shortage caused by the consumption of copper to line the entirety of the interior of the government's secret Yucca Mountain facility.
The answer is to use the aluminum foil which the elites allow us to have, but to use the right design to maximize its effectiveness. The traditional cockade-style hat design borrowed from paper hats just isn't adequate when working with inferior materials. If you have aluminum foil or are lucky enough to find some actual tinfoil at a junk shop or antique store, you can double its effectiveness by using a miter-style design which resembles a Catholic bishop's hat. Hardly a coincidence, since those bishops line their hats with metal foil to protect them from attacks by witches and sorcerers.
You start out with a 12 inch square piece of foil. Fold it in half to make a triangle. Then take the points on the top and bottom folds opposite the long, folded edge and fold them back halfway to the main fold. Then, take the other two corners and fold them opposite to each other to form two right angles at each end of the folded foil. Then, fold the triangular ends over in opposite directions. You will then have a perfect square, 6 inches on a side. On the side opposite the very first fold there will be an opening. Stick the fingers of each hand inside one of the sides, and with your thumbs holding the foil to the fingers from the outside, pull your hands apart. The hat will open up and naturally form two points as in the traditional bishop's miter. You may want to push the points closer together to form a better point.
The hat is worn square on the head, with the brim resting above the eyebrows. This should effectively shield your brain from any kind of radiation directed at it from above or from any side. While we have had good results with this hat design, even with aluminum foil, we make no guarantees as to its effectiveness. Scientists at the Carlyle Group and NASA are on the payroll of the Rothschild and Rockefeller families, and are constantly at work on improving mind control and pacification laser, microwave and sub-sonic technology. We cannot guarantee effectiveness against chemtrail pathogens or psychotropics and recommend that the hat be worn in combination with a dust mask sprayed with Windex. Do not use Formula 409, GreenWorks or any other Clorox product as Clorox is owned by the Taft family, who are notorious members of the CFR.
With your hat on and other appropriate preparations, you ought to be able to attend your local Ron Paul meetup or 9/11 Truth meeting and be relatively confident that the black helicopters, stealth drones and satellite surveillance systems of the New World Order will be unable to read or control your thoughts.
Watch this space in the future for information on how to protect yourself from department store scanners, clothing with radioactive markers, video surveillance cameras and dentally implanted radio transcievers.