Here's why it pays to have a girlfriend who enjoys baseball.* I can't think of everything, as much as I'd like to pretend. We were talking about the excessive amount of home runs that pop into the new Yankee Stadium seats, specifically into the right-field stands.
(* – Of all the standards one should have, it may sound shallow, but a girl has to enjoy going to a baseball game. They don't need to watch it on TV, or even remember any of the players' names. I can handle that part. Going to baseball games should really be part of the American citizenship test. Liking it should be an automatic exemption.)
She came up with a great idea. "Why don't they just build a wall in right field?"
Well, hell, why not? Fenway Park has one. Their left field wall's only 310 feet from home plate, so that thirtysomething-foot wall equalizes the place from featuring 11-10 games every night.
And they're by no means a home run-friendly park. Eight home runs in Boston have traveled less than 370 feet. A couple of those landed near perhaps the most intimate home plate-foul pole combo in baseball, Pesky's Pole. The rest were skyrocketed over the Green Monster, very close to the left field foul pole.
The New Yankee Stadium, by comparison, has seen 22 home runs clear the walls but go less than 370 feet. All but three of those were in right field. With 23 games already in Yankee Stadium, eliminating those home runs would practically decrease the homers-per-game by one whole blast. (You're good at math.)
So what kind of wall are we talking about? Would a 10-foot wall be enough? Probably not, since only nine of those 22 home runs cleared the fence by less than that much. A 20-foot wall would probably take care of another 11 home runs, which means about 20 homers would have been taken away.
Now, here's the problem. There are a ton of seats that would be obstructed, and it'd take a ton of renovation just to convert it to a pitcher's park, which isn't cost effective. Adding just another couple feet to the wall won't do anything.
Here's your answer:
Chain. Link. Fence.
It's cheap, easy to install, and it doesn't really block the view of the fans behind it. Whereas Fenway Park has its Green Monster in left field, the rivals can have their competing monstrosity in right field.
What could they call it? They could auction off the naming rights to the highest sponsor. And the team could build this beast 30 feet tall — or higher, depending on how much of a pitcher's park they'd desire.
Any changes to a stadium can't be done until the end of the year, but if you see the Blogcritics Sports Fence protecting Joba Chamberlain from another five-run inning, he'll know who to thank.
Me. (And maybe her, too.)