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How to be a Good Politician

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I would not make a very good politician

A local city council person didn’t pay her water bill on time. The check bounced. Now, the city is considering whether she is fit to sit on the council.

Hell, if that’s the criteria for holding office, I would be disqualified. I’ve had a hard time paying a lot of bills. I’ve been late on water bills and property taxes (GASP!). I’ve had a business loss and had to work minimum wage jobs. I even had a ticket for a seatbelt violation. I’d make a bad politician.

To be a politician, first you have you come from a wealthy family that can get you into the best schools or out of the worst trouble. If you can’t do that, make sure you step all over your colleagues to get to the top of that big fat lawyers firm, (oh yeah, you HAVE to be a lawyer, because they are so much smarter than the rest of us). Cut a few sweetheart deals? Good, you’re qualified! Comb your hair right? Have a gleaming smile? Know how to baffle ‘em with your bullshit? You got the job!

To be a politician you don’t need to have any real moral or ethical standards (except the situational kind). In fact, you really should compromise everything you believe in to get the job. Then, hire a firm to spin all the lies you tell. Kiss some ass and keep a lot of secrets.

Oh, and one other thing, if you have an extremely fragile ego, you’ll make the best politician ever. You’ll get constant reinforcement from your constituents and friends about the great benevolent person you are for giving away several hundred thousand tax dollars to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Yeah, that’s a worthy cause! Those aging rockers don’t have any cash. Their drug habit or accountants took it all. Their fans won’t mind if you use some of the almost 50% you seize from their pay checks to fund your pet project, even if they can’t pay the water bill on time.

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About Diane

  • http://theugliestamerican.blogspot.com/ andy marsh

    I don’t think I would make a very good politicain either. Once they opened up that closet door and ALL those skeletons started falling out, I’d be history!

  • Diane

    If you have enough cash, you can make anything disappear!

  • http://theugliestamerican.blogspot.com/ andy marsh

    I don’t know…closet is pretty full!

  • Eric Olsen

    I’m not sure if this is ultimately cynical or idealistic, perhaps both – thanks and welcome Diane!

    BTW, the Rock Hall has nothing to do with the musicians themselves, anymore than the RIAA does

  • http://www.templestark.com/blog Temple Stark

    >>A local city council person didn’t pay her water bill on time.

    Can you provide a link to this curious story. I’m not even sure where “local” is :)

  • diane

    I realize that the RRHF really has nothing much to do with the musicians themselves. Nevertheless, if the musicians want it, maybe they, rather than the taxpayers, should fund it.

    I’d rather not be too specific on the my exact whereabouts….I’ll see if I can find the link, though.

  • http://selfaudit.blogspot.com Aaman

    I guess DUI violations don’t count.

    Goodness, or the lack of it, has never stymied a politician’s success anytime/anywhere in the world. In fact, visiting prison is supposed to be good for a politician’s resume.

  • Diane

    Here’s a story from August about the city council woman and her water bill:
    The story in the paper this weekend was not listed in the newspapers archives.

  • diane

    Sorry, here it is

  • diane

    I would not want to explain a DUI. Especially, if you got it in the city your running for office in.

  • Eric Olsen

    hmm, I would think a DUI, especially one (or two) buried in your “wild past” would be among the easiest to explain away

  • diane

    More people have DUI’s on their record these days since the laws became more stringent.
    More and more cities depend on DUI arrests for revenue. Depending on your size, two or three drinks could put you over the limit. How ‘wild’ is that?

  • Joe Knorr

    I wouldn’t make a good politician either, no one can because it is politically incorrect to use those two words together. I would make one hell of a statesmen though which I think this nation needs to replace politicians with.

  • Tawanda Takaindisa

    To be a good politian its an inborn thing that is no achieved through wealth,someone should have leadership qualities inorder to construe or scrutinise the minds of the people.

  • Frank Norman

    How can i become a good politician? which nobody know me in my community but i have the ambetion to be a good polical leader

  • celso

    politics is just for the people that has more integrity and wealth

  • celso banglos from philippines

    Good politicians have two kinds:

    1.politicians that is good in nature;
    2.politicians that is only pretending.

    So,in this world money is more valuable if you are a politician.

  • http://takeitorleaveit.typepad.com/ Roger Nowosielski

    How do you guys & gals manage to resurrect a topic that’s four-years old?

  • http://drdreadful.blogspot.com Dr Dreadful

    Two usual methods:

    1. Somebody happens on it while Googling for something, and makes a comment.
    2. A spambot randomly hits the article.

    In both cases, the resulting comments show up on the Fresh Comments page, and occasionally someone is moved to respond. I’ve seen many a four-year-old conversation sputter back into life this way. It’s great, isn’t it?

  • http://takeitorleaveit.typepad.com/ Roger Nowosielski

    This is amazing.

  • http://takeitorleaveit.typepad.com/ Roger Nowosielski

    And you know. Kind of leaves a trace of you long after you’re gone. A touch immortality, thanks to cyberspace.

    Who knows? Some of us may be rediscovered by the posterity. Ha ha.

  • Diane

    Cool, I forgot about this article. Funny.
    Anyway, all still holds true. As far as I’m concerned…..

  • http://blogcritics.org/politics/article/how-to-be-a-good-politician/ arsh

    Hell, if that’s the criteria for holding office, I would be disqualified. I’ve had a hard time paying a lot of bills. I’ve been late on water bills and property taxes (GASP!). I’ve had a business loss and had to work minimum wage jobs. I even had a ticket for a seatbelt violation. I’d make a bad politician. And I am the biggest liar in the world……>…………as I have made alot of money and don’t want to talk about it

  • diane barnes

    things have changed in a few years. I don’t think paying a water bill on time is grounds for disqualification…..on the other hand many politicians get away with things you and I could not.

  • diane barnes

    I should write more , after re-reading this, I thought it was pretty good.

  • kstanley

    this is very stupidest comment i have ever come across

  • Diane Barnes

    The Very Stupidest, indeed!

  • Takaindisa Voet Tawanda

    To be a good polititian one should be able to understand everything that is around him even the smallest stone on the face of the earth,can be a step to greatness.

  • http://localpoliticalinvolvement.wordpress.com/ Jim Weston

    I disagree with what you said, I think politicians do need to have ethical and moral standards. Politicians that don’t (think Nixon and Clinton) have it come back to bite them.