You young whippersnappers reading this won’t remember Frank Zappa & The Mothers of Invention, one of the great absurdist rock bands of the 60s, but there’s a great line in one of the songs: “I’m not black, but there’s a whole lots of times I’m not proud to be white either.”
Well, I’m not gay, but there’s a whole lots of times I’m embarrassed to be associated with heteros.
There was this fellow in Houston who’d been attending a Methodist Church in South Hill, VA for several months. He sang in the choir. He was a well-known local businessman. Then he made a really silly request of Rev. Edward Johnson, the church’s pastor. He asked to become a formal member of the church.
The good reverend said no. Didn’t want no queers in his church–at least as a member. Go ahead and sing in the choir–everyone knows that gays got great voices. But, shudder, if you become a member, maybe you’ll start practicing your secret deviant homosexual rites and turn all our young people into…gasp…faggots and faggettes.
To be fair, the issue has split the entire Methodist church & the reverend yesterday was put on unpaid lead after giving his supervisors the finger for telling him to admit the unnamed gay fellow. (Not literally the finger of course; he just said no, following in the footsteps of Nancy Reagan but forgetting that she was talking about drugs.)
Seems the Methodist Church is a little like the military. You can join, but you can’t be ordained. That’d be terrible, even though “gay men and lesbians are ‘persons of sacred worth’…” Let’s see, not worth as much as a hetero, which means we heteros are more than sacred. Why, we must be Godly!
“Church member Gary W. Creamer told the Mecklenburg Sun newspaper that Johnson ‘was holding to Biblical principle and that ‘a terrible injustice’ was done to the pastor.”
Excuse me? Injustice done to the pastor? Let’s bring Jesus down and ask him what he’d do….Seems he won’t answer, but I’ll tell you what he’d do. He’d toss the Rev. Johnson out on his ass the way he tossed the money lenders out of the temple. Well, at least I hope he would.
I haven’t read the Bible in years–don’t even own one. But I sure hope the Bible doesn’t preach against homosexuality. If it does, I’ll stop pretending to be a tolerant agnostic and call down the wrath of God on all religion. (Hmm…can an agnostic do that? Oh what the hell, I’ll try.)
I looked up the Sermon on the Mount. Jesus said, “Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” And “Judge not, that you be not judged.”
I don’t understand it. I never will. Wasn’t Pastor Johnson persecuting the gay guy? Wasn’t he judging him? Does that mean old Pastor J ain’t gonna see the kingdom of heaven but will be judged himself?
What the hell are people so afraid of. Science has virtually proved that homosexuality is no more a matter of choice than eye color or whether you go bald. It’s genetically determined. It’s not evil, it’s not demonic possession, it’s not a decision based on wanting to be a good dancer.
“Hmm, lemme see. I really want to look good at parties, and, frankly, most guys dance like psychotics getting electro-shock therapy. Think I’ll become a homo so I can really dance. That’ll get the chicks.”
Homophobes of the World: Repent. I swear that if there’s a God, you’ll burn in hell for so long that eternity will seem like a couple of minutes. You wreak of evil, you make a mockery of everything Jesus tried to teach. (He was great whether or not he was the son of God.)
And why do I keep capitalizing God if I’m an agnostic. Oh yeah, respect for those who believe–even those who believe that only heterosexuals are deserving of a place in God’s house.
What assholes these mortals be.
P.S. While I was looking for a book on Amazon, I came across the one somewhere on this post. Here’s a review from Library Journal. Helminiak, a Roman Catholic priest, has done careful reading in current biblical scholarship about homosexuality. While cautioning against viewing biblical teaching as “the last word on sexual ethics,” he stresses the need for accurate understanding of what the biblical “facts” are and concludes that “the Bible supplies no real basis for the condemnation of homosexuality.”
Using the studies of Yale historian John Boswell (Same-Sex Unions in Premodern Europe, LJ 7/94), New Testament seminary professor L. William Countryman, and others, Helminiak examines the story of Sodom (where the sin was inhospitality), Jude’s decrying sex with angels, and five texts-Leviticus 18:22 and 20:13, Romans 1:27, I Corinthians 6:9, and I Timothy 1:10-all of which, he concludes, “are concerned with something other than homogenital activity itself.”
In Jamesons Veritas