I have been dating a guy for over a year now and love him a lot. His parents are nice and treat me well. However, his younger sister is a nightmare. She is malicious, jealous, and goes out of her way to be nasty to me. She monopolizes his attention whenever she can, and often behaves as if she is his girlfriend and instead of me. She is also pretty aggressive by nature and always notices the worst in everyone. She is only 19!
Unfortunately, the boyfriend lives with his family and has no plans to move out. I also spend weekends at their place, and come into contact with her at home and at social situations as she hangs out with his friends.
In the beginning, I ignored her behavior but it did not seem to help. Recently, the situation has deteriorated. We now either ignore each other, or snipe at each other. The boyfriend just ignores it. I have explained to him that the sister's behavior is upsetting me and that I want him to stand up for me. But he has flatly refused, saying that he does not want to get into the middle of this and that I need to stand up for myself and handle the sister myself.
I thought that maybe if she got a boyfriend it would help with the aggression and the attention she obviously craves. But with her personality and rather average looks, I don't think it will happen any time soon.
What should I do? I don't want to live with this constant animosity.
Thanks for your help!
Weekends With His Family
Here’s the deal. Your boyfriend, who I assume is your age (25-ish), lives at home and he’s making it clear to you that he likes it that way. He’s not going to move. It’s also clear he likes his family the way they are.
He’s not going to help you because they have a family system there. And he’s part of it. Like a commune. And he’s telling you to fit in, or fuck off. I’m sorry, but this is the case. His loyalty is with his family, not with you… the outsider.
Now I expect his sister is just acting out something for the entire family. She is aggressive, and the rest of them smile in your face while she acts out. In other words, they are passive-aggressive. Because if his parents really liked you, don’t you think they’d tell her to knock it off? I do.
Take yourself out of the situation and check out this one I’m going to make up. Let’s say my daughter brings her friend over. My son pokes her with a stick. I offer the girl candy. My son slaps her in the face. I ask her if she would like some cake. My son kicks her in the shin, so I give her a cookie.
The girls turns to her friend (my daughter) and says, “Can you make your brother stop?”
“Why no,” says my daughter. “That’s your problem…”
So what do you think? Want to be part of this family? RUN.
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