I have been with my boyfriend for about five and a half years. Things are pretty great, except he has a thing for teenage girls. I discovered a teenage porn website on his computer a few years back and confronted him about it. I had deleted it, so naively, I figured it was done.
Then I noticed some pictures of girls on his computer a while later. He apologized multiple times, and said he still loved me and wanted to be with me. I never asked him to stop, I just assumed he would. Again, I was naive.
Fast forward a couple years to two days ago. I was on my laptop and noticed he had created a secret MySpace account pretending he was an 18-year-old. He had two "friends" who were 14- and 15-year-olds. I was sick to my stomach when I discovered this.
I confronted him last night. He admitted he had an addiction and that he knew it was wrong. He said he'd stop, but he can't say what will happen in the future. He said it's like someone trying to quit smoking. I'm giving him some time to think about if he wants to work on us, or keep talking to teen girls. He said he's never met any of these girls in real life. The contact has only been online.
What should I do? Should I stick around and try to help him get through this if he's willing to work on our relationship? I just feel like he's been so deceitful and it's going to be really hard for me to trust him again. I love him so much though. We've been through a lot together and we're just really good when we're happy. He makes me laugh like no one else can.
Thank you so much,
Your man is a PREDATOR. Try to let that sink in.
You have stumbled on this, and you have stumbled on that. But what makes you think you have stumbled across everything there is to stumble across, especially when you are what you call “naïve” but I would call, “prone to denial in the extreme”? And when you know your boyfriend is “deceitful”? What are the odds?
You ask if you should stick around and “help him”, but you do not report he is doing anything to help himself. What, he’s going to delete MySpace accounts? Accounts that can be re-created, better than ever, in minutes? And while simultaneously telling you to expect him to fail, a la the smoking analogy? I’m sorry. I would get the fuck out of there.
This is for your own safety. Because if you ask me, this guy is going to eventually get in trouble that can be prosecuted. And you could very easily find yourself entangled in that. Sound fun? If it were me, I would run as fast and as far as I could.
But aside from the risk, with your tendency to deny reality, you are not even remotely equipped to help him. You do not have the skills! In fact, you are assisting and enabling his addiction by staying. You are providing cover, if nothing else, and how does that make you feel?
One more thing. When you mentioned his sense of humor, I was chilled not warmed. If he can make you feel good, if he can manipulate you with his sense of humor, what do you think he can do to the 14-year-old target, hmmm?
You should probably get a therapist for support as well. Never mind helping your boyfriend. Help yourself. Take care of yourself. And further, if you run across any evidence he’s crossed the line with one of these girls, do us all a favor and call the cops.
Look. Someday you’ll probably have children. You will probably have a 14-year-old daughter. Do you want to look at her and know you supported a man who targeted girls just like her? I don’t think so. Run.