Has Maynard seen the light? Postings on Tool’s web site in early April seemingly indicate that Tool and A Perfect Circle lead singer Maynard James Keenan has found religion and has left Tool. Toronto’s Edge.ca reports that over the past few days MTV’s Kurt Loder e-mailed Keenan for confirmation and this is what Loder got back:
“I did, in fact, find Jesus. More news to follow. God bless ya.” Keenan also sent a letter to one of the Tool fan sites saying that “some recent events have led me to the rediscovery of Jesus [and that] Tool will need to take the back seat.”
Many fans assumed that the various website postings were merely April Fools Jokes, but there was no way to be sure. The management for Tool and A Perfect Circle were not successfully contacted for comment or confirmation on the matter. Many sites are still continuing to mislead fans, insisting this was no April Fools joke.
However, the following was posted on Tool’s offical website on April 7th:
“Good news, April fools fans. The writing and recording is back under way. When approached for comment on his recent encounter with the Son of God, Maynard said, ‘That guy’s a punk!’
“As it turns out, Maynard was out ‘location scouting’ near the Fourth Street bridge in downtown Los Angeles when he ‘found Jesus.’
” ‘Turns out he was here the whole time, and not that difficult to find if you know where to look,’ Maynard reported.
“Apparently Jesus offered him the position of campaign manager for his new line of ‘Holier Than Thou’ sparkling holy water, which Maynard of course accepted. What wasn’t obvious was that this guy is a total drunk. It’s an occupational hazard. Every time our Lord goes to get a glass of water, it transforms into a generic grocery store Merlot. Because the alcoholic is the Son of God and an all-knowing being, he knew of Maynard’s extensive interest in collecting wine. So he went to work trying to get his lips on it. Maynard caught J.C. in his cellar transforming his precious wine collection into urine, then pissing it into the empty ‘sparkling holy water’ bottles for the eventual sale to all those people who bought, read, and embraced The Celestine Prophesy. Tragic.
” ‘Truth be told,’ Maynard confessed, ‘I wasn’t feeling top notch when I found him. The evening prior to the day in question I had over-indulged in a series of bad Molotov shrimp cocktails with a side of Makers Mark and twin strippers. So after an entire night of G.I. Blowouts, hot/cold sweats, and blurred vision, it’s very possible that the guy I met wasn’t even Jesus at all. For all I know, it was Willem Dafoe.’ ”
Information in this article has been collected from http://www.getyouroj.com http://www.edge.ca and http://www.toolband.com