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Has Maynard Seen The Light?

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Has Maynard seen the light? Postings on Tool’s web site in early April seemingly indicate that Tool and A Perfect Circle lead singer Maynard James Keenan has found religion and has left Tool. Toronto’s Edge.ca reports that over the past few days MTV’s Kurt Loder e-mailed Keenan for confirmation and this is what Loder got back:

“I did, in fact, find Jesus. More news to follow. God bless ya.” Keenan also sent a letter to one of the Tool fan sites saying that “some recent events have led me to the rediscovery of Jesus [and that] Tool will need to take the back seat.”

Many fans assumed that the various website postings were merely April Fools Jokes, but there was no way to be sure. The management for Tool and A Perfect Circle were not successfully contacted for comment or confirmation on the matter. Many sites are still continuing to mislead fans, insisting this was no April Fools joke.

However, the following was posted on Tool’s offical website on April 7th:

“Good news, April fools fans. The writing and recording is back under way. When approached for comment on his recent encounter with the Son of God, Maynard said, ‘That guy’s a punk!’

“As it turns out, Maynard was out ‘location scouting’ near the Fourth Street bridge in downtown Los Angeles when he ‘found Jesus.’

” ‘Turns out he was here the whole time, and not that difficult to find if you know where to look,’ Maynard reported.

“Apparently Jesus offered him the position of campaign manager for his new line of ‘Holier Than Thou’ sparkling holy water, which Maynard of course accepted. What wasn’t obvious was that this guy is a total drunk. It’s an occupational hazard. Every time our Lord goes to get a glass of water, it transforms into a generic grocery store Merlot. Because the alcoholic is the Son of God and an all-knowing being, he knew of Maynard’s extensive interest in collecting wine. So he went to work trying to get his lips on it. Maynard caught J.C. in his cellar transforming his precious wine collection into urine, then pissing it into the empty ‘sparkling holy water’ bottles for the eventual sale to all those people who bought, read, and embraced The Celestine Prophesy. Tragic.

” ‘Truth be told,’ Maynard confessed, ‘I wasn’t feeling top notch when I found him. The evening prior to the day in question I had over-indulged in a series of bad Molotov shrimp cocktails with a side of Makers Mark and twin strippers. So after an entire night of G.I. Blowouts, hot/cold sweats, and blurred vision, it’s very possible that the guy I met wasn’t even Jesus at all. For all I know, it was Willem Dafoe.’ ”

Information in this article has been collected from http://www.getyouroj.com http://www.edge.ca and http://www.toolband.com

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About jason

  • mool

    …ah, did you guys miss the joke?

  • The Ten Commandments. The ten thousand days and the tentacles that James and his “open mind” have used in this case have failed to enlighten. Darkness and Emptiness. Jesusaves. “Behold, I come as a thief. Blessed is he that watcheth, and keepeth his garments, lest he walk naked, and they see his shame.” Revelation 16:15

    Impending is His return, though no one knows the day nor hour…

  • I get that it’s a joke and all, but it was pretty childish and, well, it’s just plain easy. This is such an empty gesture on his part. Oooh, Maynard made a joke out of religion! Man, that is so fresh and intriguing. Wait, no it’s not, it’s just lame.

    I used to think of Tool as aimed at the more intelligent listeners out there, but Maynard’s behavior lately seems more like he’s aiming both Tool and A Perfect Circle squarely at the highly reactionary and easy-to-impress teen market. Wake me when either, or both, band have something new and interesting to say.

  • Dear SFC SKI,

    I said right in the article it was an April Fool’s joke so, if anything I was helping “it” die.

    Still f**king funny either way.


    It was an April Fool’s joke, let it die.

  • michael

    that was brilliant if its serious or a piss take its still brilliant and if he has found jesus good luck 2 him. hope he has more of these stories anyway ’cause they are class

  • People need to chill. It was funny as hell, as was his discription of Jesus’ behavior.

    And lets not talk about the mockery of religions… Christians do it more than anyone that I’ve seen. They’re ‘responsible’ for the green and warted up witches we see all the time, in that I’m sure it was a Christian to come up with the character-type even if it wasn’t meant to be a mockery.

    It isn’t about tolerence at all. It’s about having a SENSE OF HUMOR. I have a sense of humor about my religion and I don’t get offened and want to protest when it’s constantly mocked.

    Anywho, I think MJK is brilliant. This rivals the bumper sticker that says “I Found Jesus! TO think, he was hiding behind the sofa all this time…”

    -=The Prynce

  • gonzo marx

    this is too much to pass up…

    Joe above me here sez..
    *I really can’t stand the way Maynard is intolerant*

    oh…the Irony….soOOOoOOoooo yummy…



  • Joe

    I personally think Maynard should learn to let go of his “Grudge” against Christianity. Perhaps, forgive… instead of sinking deeper?

    It’s sorta… well… very hypocritical of Maynard to put up this fallacious mask of seeking enlightenment or whatever, when he’s really just seeking to ridicule one religion.

    I love Tool. I love APC. On the other hand, I really can’t stand the way Maynard is intolerant towards a significant percentage of the world’s population. It might be a while before I consider buying another one of his albums.

  • Mike

    It’s me again. Have you ever noticed that “tolerence” basically means “I support anti-christian propoganda, with emphasis on pointing out how incredibly open to everything I am”. Though, in saying this I am presuming the premise that Maynard is truely “open” to supporting other religous experiences/quests whatever.

    Hi I am open for a discussion on government, any form of government as long as it is thought about well, and not simply sought after because it is easy or for the simple minded will do. Oh, note that democracy, the republics, communism, socialism, and the like are discluded because I lack sufficient mental stability to afford such a continuation of my own logic

  • Mike

    Man, I have so much respect for the quality of Maynard’s work, and the work of APC and Tool. But seriously, is there any point to blatently mocking a belief system so intensely? You profit nothing, and it seems counter productive to the seeming motives behind tool and APC.

    Anyway, while Maynard is talented and erhm, funny…. hes an arse